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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 12:59 am
My daughter's teacher said nice things about her during parent teacher conferences. She also mentioned that my daughter whistles in class. I told the teacher it doesn't sound like my daughter but I'll talk to her.

I spoke to my daughter who confirmed it wasn't her and she tried to whistle for me and doesn't even know how. She told me who the whistler was.

I emailed the teacher that it wasn't her and that it was a different girl. I did not tell her the other kid's name.

The teacher was happy it wasn't her and then said the initials of the other kid and asked if that was the correct initials.

I am not comfortable answering because it's lashon harah but the teacher does need to know because it is disruptive to the class. I am also not comfortable ignoring the question.

What do I do?
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 1:07 am
The teacher should work on figuring out herself she does not have to get you involved.
she can ask around the kids if she feels like it, or just have a talk with the kids in general
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smss




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 1:08 am
I'm a teacher and I don't think it was appropriate for her to ask you that. (I also really like to be sure of the story before accusing a child of something, but that's a separate point...)

I think you can say "sorry I feel uncomfortable answering" or something like that.
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Ihatepotatoes




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 1:13 am
It's Lashon Hara, as you've mentioned, so it's assur for you to tell her.Especially since it's just an annoyance and it's not like anyone is in danger. The teacher needs to know on the same level as she needs to know who just passed the note from the back of the class. That is to say it's her prerogative and responsibility to figure out who is misbehaving in her class, not yours.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 1:18 am
Can I just ignore the email?
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amother




Khaki
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 1:46 am
Not saying that I agree or disagree-but you have all said it is her prerogative and responsibility to figure it out. How is she supposed to figure it out? She believes she know who it is and asked you to confirm initials. If it is LH and not apporiate for you to answer, then clearly asking any of the other girls or parents would be the same. Is her only resort accusing all the girls and seeing who's parents don't deny it? Or is she supposed to listen at each desk until she is able to "catch" the girl.
How would a teacher find out?
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familyfirst




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 2:10 am
Next time someone whistles in class the teacher am figure it out
No need to involve a mom
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:17 am
so what do I do? Ignore the email?

Tell her I cant confirm and make her feel criticized?

She is an older woman and has trouble keeping control of the class.

All the kids are wearing masks and this is a stupid game they are playing which makes her life hard.

She can't tell who is doing it because she cant see their faces.

It is not nice.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:24 am
It is not your responsibility to help this teacher maintain control of the classroom
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amother




Taupe
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:26 am
Did you specifically say in the first email that your daughter told you the name of the other girl?
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amother




Bronze
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:55 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My daughter's teacher said nice things about her during parent teacher conferences. She also mentioned that my daughter whistles in class. I told the teacher it doesn't sound like my daughter but I'll talk to her.

I spoke to my daughter who confirmed it wasn't her and she tried to whistle for me and doesn't even know how. She told me who the whistler was.

I emailed the teacher that it wasn't her and that it was a different girl. I did not tell her the other kid's name.

The teacher was happy it wasn't her and then said the initials of the other kid and asked if that was the correct initials.

I am not comfortable answering because it's lashon harah but the teacher does need to know because it is disruptive to the class. I am also not comfortable ignoring the question.

What do I do?


Im sorry, I dont feel comfortable sharing who we think it mught be. I can only reassure you my dd doesnt know how to whistle.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:59 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
Did you specifically say in the first email that your daughter told you the name of the other girl?


I did.


I think I will just ignore the second email from her. I am not comfortable telling her off.

She can infer from my silence what she wants
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 11:59 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote:
Im sorry, I dont feel comfortable sharing who we think it mught be. I can only reassure you my dd doesnt know how to whistle.

This. If she presses, you can explain that, at best, you only know who your daughter suspects and your daughter could very easily be mistaken so you do not feel comfortable divulging that suspicion.
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amother




Copper
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 12:04 pm
Yes I would answer and say I don’t know who is doing it just can assure you it’s not my daughter who doesn’t know how to whistle. Keep it nice
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amother




Khaki
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 12:17 pm
So we have a teacher who is older, the girls don't respect, and she had a difficult time controlling the classroom. The girls (or at least one girl) are making trouble and those who aren't are being accomplices in the name of LH. The children are not learning respect, nor are they maximizing their education. Even the ones who would like to learn, their time is being wasted.

Btw, it was completely LH when your Dtr told you who it was. That was for sheer gossip/curiously as there was no chinuch or situation improved to be gained.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Nov 20 2020, 12:51 pm
If the masks obstruct the teacher's view, they equally obstruct the girls' views. Maybe OP's daughter knows the correct identity of the whistler or maybe she just thinks she does. Maybe there is more than one whistler Or maybe it used to be one girl, but is now a different one. Maybe a girl bragged that she was the whistler to impress her classmates, but she actually isn't. I don't see how OP can reliably rely on her daughter's identification of the whistler here. And the teacher definitely shouldn't, even if OP told her.
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