Please play with your kids

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Fri, Nov 20 2020, 3:47 pm

After reading some posts here I started wondering if ppl are aware of the importance of play with children. I know that I wasn't always.

So here's the pitch. Kids need you to play with them. They need you to delight in them for their self esteem. They work things out through play. You can use play to repair a relationship. Play helps them feel safe and secure. It teaches them you will be there for them (think peek a boo) and so much more. So whatever you do play with them as much as you can when you can. You will be happier For it.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Nov 20 2020, 3:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for detailing this! Is this for all ages?

amother

Fri, Nov 20 2020, 4:02 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Thank you for detailing this! Is this for all ages?

My oldest is 10 so never thought about teens. I still wrestle with my 10 year old, play hide and seek, jump on the bed with him.

Lots of things could be play. Hiking, tag, ball, anything that makes everyone lose their facade and connect.

So I would say yes.

LovesHashem

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:28 am

That's part of being a mother.

essie14

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Teens need this as well. We play board games, basketball, go hiking, etc. with our teens. A lot of discussions can take place during those activities. My kids love when we play board games on Friday night with them.
It's a nice relaxing way to spend time together.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 1:18 pm

When DD was 10, she discovered Minecraft. Since there's only one computer in the house, and I wasn't going to let her go on a public game board alone, I sat with her and watched her play.

It was fascinating! We build all kinds of things together, played games, and she made friends. I got to know the kids she was playing with, and when I felt safe I let her Skype with them while she was playing. Then I could see the kids, and they could see that I was there, and everything was appropriate.

The kids got to know me, and started calling me "Mom". It was so sweet! These kids came from all over the world, so DD got to experience many different cultures as well. Her best friend is in Sweden, and her other best friend is a Mormon girl who lives in Utah. 7 years later, they outgrew the games, but they are still very close friends, and they talk online at least once a week.

I am so glad that I stayed by her side and was included in this stage of her life. She saw that she could make friends and that I wouldn't judge them, and that I could be genuinely interested in the same things that she was.

I really love Minecraft because it builds hand/eye coordination, math skills, spatial reasoning, as well as spelling, grammar, and social skills. Watching her make huge gains from this was amazing (and she didn't even realize that it was educational! Wink

)

amother

Red

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 6:18 pm

Playful parenting by Lawrence cohen is a really good book on this

Also Attachment Play (haven't read yet)

Just One

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 8:11 pm

Spending positive quality time with kids is very important. Just don't get hung up on the playing part. I personally hate board games and doing crafts. For years I felt guilty for depriving my kids and when I did force myself it didn't do anybody much good.

However I do love reading to them, cuddling, shmoozing on the couch, singing and dancing together

Realizing that the main thing was the quality of time we spent together and not the specific activities made me a happier more present parent

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:01 pm

Just One wrote:

I agree with this. The main thing is to bond with your kids. It doesn’t have to be play. Posts like this really make parents question themselves.

I have a sister in law with married and teen kids that are warm and thoughtful and loving and giving. And she is so close with them. She once confided in me that she doesn’t have patience to play with her kids (she is a real intellect) . But she invested her energies in other bonding.
I have another sister in laws that plays with her kids all the time and while she is wonderful person I don’t think she is the best mother or her kids are so close to her.
I’m not convinced play is make it or break it.
I think there Are many variables. And parents need to parent with the method that best fits their personality

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:07 pm

Just One wrote:

Board games is really not ideal play. Ideal play IS cuddling, singing and dancing! A big purpose of play is bonding.

I think we need to redefine play. Play is bonding in a way that is fun, that is emotional, that is authentic.

Play is a big part of child therapy and every parent can harness play to mend relationships, to help children deal with big stuff, to teach children self control.

During play we let out guard down and we let out inner child out.

For me personally I started loving my kids a lot more. It actually helped ME feel more connected to them.

amother

Lime

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:39 pm

What thread is this a spinoff from?

amother

Olive

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:48 pm

In my opinion as long as you spend ten minutes a day with your child it’s enough.
As long as it’s mutually enjoyable.
I think playing is very nice but not a must for a good relationship and for a child’s emotional health ten minutes of individual time is enough.

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:52 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Have you tried it, bec I think once you try it you might change your mind.

I dont play with my kids every day. I never said how often, for how long...why would you tell ppl to NOT play with their kids?!

amother

Indigo

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am the most uncreative un-spontaneous straight laced person you'll meet. I am not fun. I have no imagination. The way I bond with my kids is reading books, board games, listening to their jokes, sitting next to them as they build with lego (I can't help because like I said I don't have the ability).
We have no room to jump around together... and we can't do hikes at our family's stage in life, nor do we have room for a basketball hoop. I think I am doing my best.

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:57 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

What thread is this a spinoff from?

A bunch of threads. I noticed that either ppl aren't talking about play in regards to parenting or telling other mother's that it isnt neccessary to play with their kids.

amother

Olive

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because the list of things that parents need to do for raising healthy kids seems to be constantly growing. It’s overwhelming.
Main thing is to educate them while maintaining a good relationship (not to discipline too much. To keep the atmosphere positive at least most of the time!)
Of course Playing with your kids is very nice, it’s wonderful! But That’s it.
Don’t make the list for raising healthy kids longer or harder than it already is.

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:02 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Why not try one or two of these?

For starters peek a boo for babies, hide and seek from age 2 and up, tag, making pictures on each others backs, putting your child between your legs 'so that they can't get away' until they do..., rolling them in blankets and making hot dog sandwiches, rides.

Hey, you might actually enjoy it!

This isn't meant to make you feel guilty just bring awareness. It's not that kids won't be ok, it's just a really great gift to you and your kids.

amother

Indigo

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Some of these I do and the rest I will screenshot, they are great ideas!

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:05 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

It's not a must do, it's just a really great thing for parents and kids. And it's actually fun.

amother

Olive

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 10:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's not a must do, it's just a really great thing for parents and kids. And it's actually fun.

Oh ok so I agree.

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