Parenting when husband not on the same page

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amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 7:45 pm

How do you stick to a specific method of parenting if your husband does something totally different? He is either totally hands off or too strict depending on what he's in the mood of. I tried being consistent with certain methods but it was like my work was undone as soon as he got involved. And he's around the whole weekend so I feel like I start from scratch every monday.

amother

Apricot

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 7:47 pm

It’s really hard. It’s easier for me to just parent by myself, so that’s what I do.

amother

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 7:48 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

It’s really hard. It’s easier for me to just parent by myself, so that’s what I do.

He parents on his own if he sees things and he plays with the kids so there are times when it's just him. I don't think he would take it very well if I said only I do the parenting. Not sure how that works.

amother

Apricot

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 7:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s the only thing that works for us. Luckily, he’s out of the house most of the day, so I would be doing it, anyway. On Shabbos and Sunday, we’re all together.

behappy2

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 8:05 pm

One idea is to explain that the child will listen better a different way. Instead of attacking give info.

ra_mom

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 8:14 pm

Have a conversation with your husband. Discuss that you both have different ways of parenting and that's ok.

Have a discussion about what you each want in the long term for your children. You will see that you both just want good, happy, healthy children. It's ok if right now your paths to that outcome are different.

Decide together that since you both want the best for your children, you'll respect each other's methods, and if one is in middle of disciplining or directing a child, the other won't mix in or contradict.

Children can easily figure this out and understand that with parent A they need to do X and with parent B it won't be allowed. I'm sure you've seen little ones ask the parent they think will say yes. Smile

With time, and with mutual respect, you will both naturally end up coming closer together to a middle ground.

Good luck!

Rena K

Sat, Nov 21 2020, 9:09 pm

This is very common. One thing to know is that Hashem put your children in the family they are in because they need to experience interacting with those types of people in their formidable years. They need your style and they also need your husband's style. My DH is also a very different parent than I am, but I try to let him do his thing and I do mine. And I see that my children benefit from both in very different ways. Yes, he very often undoes what I try to instill. I think that's Hashem there giving my children a balanced view.

Good luck!