Daughter finally started menstruating

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Coffee

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 8:53 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Except that for a young girl, going to the bathroom and seeing lots of blood for the first time, no matter how prepared she is for it, can be a little disconcerting.

That’s true. But I still don’t think it warrants a gift. Maybe a little baggie with candies.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:47 am

I took each of my DD's out to lunch - just the two of us - to celebrate this milestone in their lives. None of them expressed embarrassment over it.

amother

Copper

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:51 am

I really think the relationship between the mother and daughter is a huge factor in whether or not the daughter will appreciate the mother making a big deal/giving a gift/ etc.

amother

Blue

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:58 am

From what I understand, it's very normal to celebrate this in Sephardic communities. I would have been mortified, personally, but you need to know your daughter.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:34 am

I might have been okay with my mother taking me out to eat or getting a small treat, since she knew anyway. But I would have been mortified if it was made public at all. If I suddenly got a gift and everyone knew why... TMI

I was always very private.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:41 am

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

In my family, my parents bought each of my sisters and me a piece of real gold jewelry from a local jeweler. My grandparents gave each girl from our cousins a monetary gift (about $200), but not my sisters and me. I think they thought we would be embarrassed. (We're the most Americanized cousins.) It wasn't mortifying, as a poster upthread wrote. It was a beautiful commemoration of a really important milestone, and womanhood. 12 and 13 for bar/bas mitzvah are average ages, but the actual maturing of a boy and girl are beautiful and significant. No shame.

Your grandparents knew when you got your period??? And they gave gifts?? Why in the world?? I think it's such a breech of privacy.

Chayalle

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:43 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I was always very private.

I agree, it does not have to be a family-wide spectacle. In my family, it was just a mother/daughter thing.

sequoia

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:48 am

OneSource wrote:

I come from a bunch of deeply European women so when I got mine, my mother gave me a light slap on the cheek and a bracha that this should be the worst pain becoming a woman brings. We then did a girls day together. I got my first makeup kit and my colors done at Henri Bendels and we went out for desert in NYC. It was amazing. My mother died 5 years later and this still stands out as one of the best memories. I got my period for the first time in school and was so embarrassed. Coming in the next day with light, natural makeup for the first time completely boosted my confidence and my friends and I focused on how cool it was to have real makeup. Obviously, this isn't for everyone but it's a tradition in my family and my daughter is looking forward to getting her period so she can get real makeup 🙈. And I got her thinx. She's ready, lol.

that’s sweet.

but don’t slap her, even lightly.

that’s a tradition that needs to go.

self-actualization

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:07 am

OneSource wrote:

I love your post so much that it made me cry (over how beautiful this is).

amother

Teal

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:26 am

BTW, I have read recently that there may be concerns about the materials used in Thinkx that can cause cancer.
I would not want to risk this, especially for a young girl. Since someone mentioned it.
Think about what is just coming out now about the link between using baby powder (with talc) and women getting ovarian cancer later in life.
Just an fyi.

Lovable

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 2:07 pm

Taking her out for dinner would be nice, something I would've appreciated. My mom was very open about it which made me feel comfortable with the new situation but it stopped there. Do anything just to acknowledge this milestone in her life.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 4:20 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

I have heard the same concerns in regular pads. It's about the materials used to make it more absorbent. Those who are concerned should look for all-natural products (not because natural makes it safer, but because the specific chemicals that are a concern happen to be synthetic).
EDIT: There is one particular chemical of concern in THINX that is not present in other products. It's probably best to try a different brand.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 7:00 pm

In my family (Sephardic) decades ago, it was a big, big deal. I felt so grown up when I got it (very early age too!). We called up all my aunts and female cousins and announced it to them. I was so proud to be able to tell all of them! That in itself was a gift.

But I wouldn't have minded if my mom had taken me out for ice cream or given me an actual gift. But, no problem that she didn't. I still remember that milestone very happily.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 7:41 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

Your grandparents knew when you got your period??? And they gave gifts?? Why in the world?? I think it's such a breech of privacy.

It was beautiful. It wasn't across my cousins, brothers, whatever. It was my mother telling my grandmother (her mil, but her own mother died young and they were like mother and daughter). It's a milestone. I can't imagine not telling my mother, my sister, an aunt/great aunt that my daughter and I are both very close with. And I can't imagine that being a breach of privacy.

If things change drastically between now--my oldest girl is still young--I will reevaluate, but I really don't see it happening. And I don't know if a single cousin who didn't appreciate it. As I said, my grandmother didn't give my sister and I gifts, I think she thought we would be embarrassed so she acted like she didn't know. But my other cousins she hugged, kissed, made a big deal about how they were getting mature...

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 8:39 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Haha wow I had trouble figuring this out! I thought you were saying you were "kosher" after you'd gotten your period. And then I was trying to figure out why you said you didn't celebrate and at the same time you went out for a coffee treat. I got it in the end though, sounds very cute! Smile

I, on the other hand, was very private and I don't think I even told my mom about it the first time. I was prepared in school (public school) and knew what it was and what I had to do. I definitely never told my mom every month! I can't believe that grandparents (post above) were told (with the girl's knowledge) and gave gifts!! A public commemoration for her birthday is wonderful, but not this!!!
If you are close with her, OP, and discuss this stuff openly and think she would like it, take her out, but I wouldn't do it as a public thing without specific input from her!

Same! I was super private and didnt tell my mother, although of course she knew! I wouldnt have wanted anyone talking to me about it at all! I was prepared in school, We were given a class complete with demonstrations in 5th and 6th grade (this was a Bais Yaakov, not public school)

amother

Burlywood

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 7:13 pm

I also have a nice memory of going out to eat with my mother in "honor" of the occasion. I was really embarrassed and didn't even tell her right away....
so when she found out, I was happy she took it so positively, and then we celebrated...it made me feel like, oh, it's not something to be embarrassed about, it's mature and cool!
I was only in 5th when I got it (though I was the oldest in my class, I really would have been in the end of the 6th); I was 11...so none of my friends had gotten it yet...

tigerwife

Sat, Dec 05 2020, 9:12 pm

Let her take a day off from school and go for mani-pedis and lunch. Maybe buy her a discreet little pouch where she can store a couple of pads and Advil and keep it in an inner pocket in her backpack, just in case.

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