Please help me, I’m at my wits end

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:21 am

I posted about this previously but nothing has worked. I am in my 9th month and just can’t keep doing this.

My 2.5 year old is impossible when it comes to getting dressed in the morning. He kicks and runs away every time I approach to change him. Or just to put on socks or make his hair or put on his coat. I already spend half an hour sitting and talking to him while he lays in his crib just relaxing in the morning. I can’t keep doing this. I will soon have a newborn and won’t be able to devote this amount of time to getting him ready. I also don’t have strength now and won’t have strength after the baby to chase him for every article of clothing. I can’t keep being kicked.

I have tried giving choices, playing games, asking him if he wants to do it himself. I give him notice that he’s going to get dressed in 5 minutes, 2 minutes etc. He’s stubborn and just won’t. Or just likes to get his way. He does not do this at playgroup, it’s reserved for his parents only.

Every morning I feel like crying because it takes too much out of me and I am terrified about managing once there’s another one in the picture.

Please help.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:25 am

Tell him once that if he doesn't let you dress him, you're taking him in his pajamas. Then follow through on what you said. Very calmly. If he asks you to dress him then (after he sees you're not fighting him anymore), say I'm sorry, I told you to listen before, now it's too late. Please make sure to listen next time mommy asks you. Don't make it into a power struggle. Right now it's a power struggle and he's winning. Make it so he should want you to dress him.

I do this with my 2 year old when she fights me putting on her PJs at night. I say, ok, then you can go to bed without pajamas. And I start walking away. Then she starts begging me to put on her PJs. I say ok, but only if you sit still. And she sits still, because at that point, she wants me to put it on.

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:36 am

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

He’s two. Why would he care if he’s going to Morah in pajamas? He doesn’t have that embarrassment like older kids. Same with no pjs. He just runs away naked and then starts hiding under chairs and running from one side of the house to the other. In the winter I can’t let him just go naked.

I wish that would work.

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:37 am

behappy2 wrote:

I would just send him in pjs.

Is he stronger than you? Can you physically overpower him and get it over with?

It usually takes two of us to hold him down to get him dressed. And he still kicks the whole way through and sometimes takes things off as we get it on.

I don’t want to force him like that though. It just makes getting dressed an even worse experience in his mind.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You dont have to let him go to bed naked. You have to make it like you don't care if he goes to bed naked. "Ok you don't want to put on your pajamas? Ok you can go to sleep with no clothes. Goodnight." Put him into bed and leave the room. I bet in a minute he would call you and say mommy I want my PJs!
The point is to take away the power struggle, which he's enjoying. Make him want it.
Reverse psychology.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:45 am

Maybe dress him the night before so when he wakes up he's ready to go! I've done this with new born.
Also a good read is "How to talk so little kids will listen." Its very helpful.
Some ideas it gives for AM dressing: problem solve with them (ask them for ideas on how to make this easier and then pick the choices that work). Make it playful (example: in a funny voice say this sock is hungry and wants to eat your feet).

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:49 am

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I read the book and tried to implement. Didn’t work. He’s too immature or stubborn.

LovesHashem

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Exactly - send him in PJs.

He will care when he gets to the Morah cuz the other kids will laugh, and the Morah will say "Oh no! What happened to your clothes?"

yiddishmom

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:54 am

Is it possible he has sensory issues?

I may be totally off, but the thought just crossed my mind.

I'm not up to this stage, so no advice. Sorry.

I hope it works out for you! Sounds very exhausting!

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:57 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Exactly - send him in PJs.

He will care when he gets to the Morah cuz the other kids will laugh, and the Morah will say "Oh no! What happened to your clothes?"

And now I feel bad for him 😞. Don’t want him to feel shamed or bad. Is he going to be okay if that happens?

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 9:58 am

yiddishmom wrote:

I’m not sure. Just got him evaluated so we’ll see. I don’t think it’s that. I think he just wants to do what he wants, when he wants to. He’s like this with everything.

LovesHashem

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And now I feel bad for him 😞. Don’t want him to feel shamed or bad. Is he going to be okay if that happens?

Speak to the Morah beforehand - a good Morah should know how to deal with this. Saying "Oh no where are your clothes?" isn't necessarily shaming. You can also send him with clothing so if he changes his mind Morah can change him.

A good Morah will make it into a silly mistake he won't feel terrible about. A healthy dose of a little shame isn't that bad. A two year old is starting to comprehend what are the norms.

crust

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:01 am

Do people really send their kids in pjs?
Wowz.
How is it a solution? How about diaper changes?

Some children need to two parents to get them dressed or changed especially if the child has to be out by a specific time.

Its just the way it is.

LovesHashem

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:04 am

crust wrote:

I don't think it's bad to allow kids to do silly things at that age. I've seen friends allow their 2 years old out with one rainboot and one shoe - and once everyone who stopped them commented how silly it looked the kid wanted to go home and change.

Honestly it's not worth fighting if a kid will change their mind once the world sees them.

amother

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 10:05 am

crust wrote:

I’m actually thinking of trying it because nothing else works. Most mornings I don’t have my husband’s help so I have to do this myself. And I just can’t anymore. I’m going to speak to his Morah.

amother

Green

Thu, Nov 26 2020, 11:09 am

No answer because I have a newborn and a 2.5 y/o too, but what I find helps:

1) give them a choice between two shirts/onesies/etc. It helps them feel more involved. For example my DD loves to wear skirts so I'll ask, "do you want to wear shorts or a skirt?" And she'll say skirt and put it on (mostly) by herself. We also gave in and have things like minnie mouse shirts, Sophia the First dresses, and unicorn shoes to entice her to get dressed. Not the best for chinuch I guess but it gets her dressed.

2) If the kid squirms away, let them run away. If you chase them, they'll continue the "game". Change or end the game and you'll get a different reaction. If you walk away or ignore them, they will eventually come back to you and that's when you firmly dress them before they have a second to think about running away again! Or when they come back, turn it into your game e.g. race to see how fast you can get dressed, socks are cold and need his feet to be warm, etc