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I am so happy... but overwhelmed with teens and baby

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:17 am
After many years of waiting I BH had a baby now that my older ones are already teens. And I couldn’t be happier... except I am feeling pulled in so many directions. I feel so overwhelmed trying to be there emotionally for my older ones while caring for the baby’s needs practically round the clock (at least during the day.. BH he’s good at night). I know this is probably the norm for many here, but I am just not used to it at all. I’m used to having the time and energy to be there completely for my teens, and now this is taking a toll on all of us. Even if I give them their own personal time, they’re used to having me all to themselves. Any tips how I can make this adjustment go more smoothly? I’m not good at feeling split between so many things.. I think some people do better with that than others.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:22 am
Teens should understand that a newborn needs round the clock care and that now is the time for you to be there for the baby. Now isn't the time for you to completely be there for your teens and they need to respect that. With time you'll fall into a routine and hopefully everyone will get the attention they need.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:27 am
amother [ Pearl ] wrote:
Teens should understand that a newborn needs round the clock care and that now is the time for you to be there for the baby. Now isn't the time for you to completely be there for your teens and they need to respect that. With time you'll fall into a routine and hopefully everyone will get the attention they need.

They’re young teens.. but I want to believe what you are saying. I feel like they just don’t get that I just had a baby and still expect everything to be the same except with a cute little baby to play with. And I just feel guilty.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:28 am
I think the best thing you can do is remind yourself that parenting is a long haul, not a short sprint. In the larger scheme of life, six months off from one on one time with your teens will not impact their lives. The baby will IYH add to their lives, even in the long term. Think big picture.
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:29 am
I feel like I sometimes have to create a boundary within myself. I have to tell myself that I can't be everything to everyone all the time.

We all want to be good mothers and there for our children. But we have to remember that we are not indispensable.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:29 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They’re young teens.. but I want to believe what you are saying. I feel like they just don’t get that I just had a baby and still expect everything to be the same except with a cute little baby to play with. And I just feel guilty.


My kids definitely get less of my attention when I have a newborn. But the time passes and nobody remembers it.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:29 am
In what way do they need you that you can't be there for them?
I also just had a baby after many years waiting and my teens are over the moon with the baby. They take care of him, everybody fights who gets to hold him. They all see and understand that I need to care for the baby. I don't feel like they need me in ways I can't be. I bottle feed so it's possible that's what makes a difference.
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amother




Pearl
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:43 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They’re young teens.. but I want to believe what you are saying. I feel like they just don’t get that I just had a baby and still expect everything to be the same except with a cute little baby to play with. And I just feel guilty.


If you feel like they don't understand that now is the time you need to be busy with the baby, you should explain it to them. Tell them it's exhausting and overwhelming and that you're tired and they need to take care of themselves for a bit so you can get to yourself. Maybe get them a little gift that they should feel thought of.
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amother




Red
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 12:43 am
I breastfed my baby but if I would’ve locked myself into my room then it would’ve been a problem. I was still able to talk and hear about their day because I was sitting together with everyone.
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Nov 29 2020, 3:48 am
When you feed your baby it’s a great time to talk to your teens.
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