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Elfrida


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 3:30 pm
Maybe make it a percentage of his salary rather than a fixed sum. And specify that clothes and extras co.e out of his earnings, not household funds.
Help him build a budget with a certain amount going towards the house, some for clothes, shoes, and discretionary spending, and some being saved. He sounds like he has a good sense of financial responsibility, but when he starts earning is the time to focus on starting to save.
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yksraya


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:17 pm
I would never charge rent or take from their paycheck. Perhaps they can use their own money for their expenses like clothing etc.
They can contribute by helping you with cleanup, babysitting younger siblings, etc.
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LovesHashem


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:28 pm
If they are offering than whatever they'd like. Personally I think paying for your own clothing, toiletries, and extras, snacks etc is enough.
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amother


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:28 pm
I have adult kids living at home. A few of them came back now that university is on zoom, and another couple were here to begin with.
I don't agree with the principle of adult kids paying rent. I'm just very uncomfortable with the idea. Baruch Hashem we are not starving or struggling to pay the bills - I realize people in such a situation might think differently.
Also, there is a difference between an adult kid who is 18 and one who is 23.
In any case, I think the adult kid should be paying the bulk of their own expenses (clothing, entertainment, gas) if possible. (Again, if we are talking about an 18 yr old this is probably not the case.
If the kid really wants to help contribute to general household expenses, you can make him responsible for buying dessert on Shabbat, or fun toys for younger siblings, or a new computer - something that feels sort of like a gift. I wouldn't have him pay for living there, just seems wrong.
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LovesHashem


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:30 pm
If anything I would have them contribute to the grocery bill. Food is expensive. How much does it cost you for them to sleep at home? It's not as if you'd move to a smaller place this moment had that room been free.
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amother


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:31 pm
My parents didn't charge me but I voluntarily gave them a certain sum every month. It was only right as they were supplying me with a roof over my head, utilities, and food, and I was socking money away.
Only one of my children worked, very P/T, when living at home, and made bupkes. Not only did I not charge rent but I provided cab fare home because the job ended late at night, was not in the best of neighborhoods, and required a transfer from one bus line to another in an even less healthy neighborhood. DS protested that the cab fare was more than he earned on the job but I said it was cheaper than the shrink that I would need to see after worrying about his safety traveling home by public transportation so late.
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amother


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Sun, Nov 29 2020, 4:43 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote: | I do. It would cost them a lot more if they lived in a singles apartment. If they are gainfully employed, why should they not pay their way? If you feel really guilty about it, put the money in a savings account and hand it all back as a gift when they move out.
Reader's Digest once had an article by a person whose mother used to charge him a certain sum per load when he used her machine instead of the laundromat at college. He resented it but paid up. After he graduated and moved out, his mom gave him back the money she'd collected from him over the years--and it was more than enough to buy his own machine for his new home. |
I think it's very cultural. I live in Israel, among Israelis. Nobody here charges their adult child rent. It's such a foreign concept.
Nor does anyone charge their adult child money for using the laundry machine, or require s/he pay a sum every week to cover shampoo and toothpaste.
I guess after spending most of my life here, I also find the concept incredibly strange, almost petty. (Again, if you really truly need the money, that's something else).
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