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Mishpacha This Week- Gown Story
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Nov 30 2020, 8:11 am
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
I totally agree Penina should have been consulted.

That being said, as the first sister in law, I do resent how much effort and money we are expected to spend for simchas. When we had our first child, we got a few small outfits from children’s place. Nobody else was married . I had my third and a few weeks later SIL had her first. I got no present for my baby and then was asked to chip in over $50 for a present for the new baby. We make a siblings Sheva Bracha’s, and buy siblings wedding gift. We didn’t get any of this.

Full disclosure - I know know about these things from what I read here, in fb groups, and in the magazines. But from what I've heard, there is a trade-off of sorts. The younger kids provide babysitting and help and share their homes when the older siblings get married and have kids and come to take a break, and when the younger ones are older, they have no siblings to help out and their parents are older already so they are not up to it. Or something like that. This, I guess, is the way the younger siblings do not get the same thing the older ones got and this is where their resentment comes in.

Having said that, these Mishpacha stories are all ridiculous and I know they are there to start conversation, but there is a real miss here. Rather than inspire the readers to yell at the magazine "JUST COMMUNICATE!", we could learn from experts weighing in and helping with sample dialogue.

The sisters in law acted like a clique, which we know is a thing (we read that here often enough). They were totally wrong to leave out the other sister. And the mother of the chassan was wrong in not acting like a family leader and getting everyone together and helping and organizing.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Mon, Nov 30 2020, 8:21 am
watergirl wrote:
Full disclosure - I know know about these things from what I read here, in fb groups, and in the magazines. But from what I've heard, there is a trade-off of sorts. The younger kids provide babysitting and help and share their homes when the older siblings get married and have kids and come to take a break, and when the younger ones are older, they have no siblings to help out and their parents are older already so they are not up to it. Or something like that. This, I guess, is the way the younger siblings do not get the same thing the older ones got and this is where their resentment comes in.

Having said that, these Mishpacha stories are all ridiculous and I know they are there to start conversation, but there is a real miss here. Rather than inspire the readers to yell at the magazine "JUST COMMUNICATE!", we could learn from experts weighing in and helping with sample dialogue.

The sisters in law acted like a clique, which we know is a thing (we read that here often enough). They were totally wrong to leave out the other sister. And the mother of the chassan was wrong in not acting like a family leader and getting everyone together and helping and organizing.


I guess that is typical but I’ve literally never had a relative watch my kids while I take a nap or anything like that. This doesn’t apply to me. It’s a bunch of boys after DH and MiL “isn’t the type “. They’re great. Really great . Just not with this one aspect.

I do agree that the stories would virtually all be solved by communication. They are made up.
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Mon, Nov 30 2020, 8:25 am
I am actually going something similar right now, I am the only DIL and since my SIL got engaged I have been telling MIL that I am planning to buy or custom make so she should let me know the colour scheme. She doesn't communicate well and when I went to buy a gown I asked DH to call her and make sure that this is the colours she wants. When he called her she said that she really wanted that everyone should wear exactly the same dress. I have done it previously but never looked good, they live in a different country so they choose and I just get to see it and try it on 2 days before. I find that it is difficult to find something that looks great on every body type and I love the gown I got! It is so difficult coz on one hand I am happy to please her but I so badly want to look good by the wedding
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Mon, Nov 30 2020, 8:51 am
Unfortunately, I think the lack of communication in the Double Takes is pretty realistic. Many people hate confrontation, and the saying, "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" is well-followed. Also, people are busy and forgetful. In this story, I would say that things just got away from people. Two branches of a family were pursuing the same goal independently with neither consulting the other, but not out of spite- they seem to have genuinely forgot, each due to the pressing needs they felt. And that happens a lot.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:22 pm
amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:
When we had our first child, we got a few small outfits from children’s place. Nobody else was married . I had my third and a few weeks later SIL had her first. I got no present for my baby and then was asked to chip in over $50 for a present for the new baby. We make a siblings Sheva Bracha’s, and buy siblings wedding gift. We didn’t get any of this.
Yes the gifts thing is just ridiculous. And my husband is the only married guy in the family so I always get the short end of the stick.
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