Taking home miniatures from simcha sweet table

amother

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:46 am

what happened to mature adults? and to using brains?

it simply irks me.

when I made a simcha some of my sisters n law
unashamedly picked sweets off the table and packed it up to take home
[they didn't even send anything to contribute mind you]

I watched some of my siblings do the same at different simchas
during the simcha - or after the simcha - looking thru what's left
and taking the best stuff

People pay good money to share in the Bal Simcha's celebration
Why is it okay to pack up stuff before all the guests left
Why is it okay to take the very best that's left and not leave it for whom it was meant - the bal simcha?

just curious

mamma llama

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:51 am

I absolutely hear you, but I think it's just an assumption that if you're putting something out for guests, then you know what will happen and are okay with it.

I know some people who purposely don't put out certain things so that the baalei simcha can have that for themselves later.

Last edited by mamma llama on Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Orchid

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:52 am

I thought it was meant for the guests? When I make a simcha I am so happy for guests to help themselves to whatever they'd like. The less I have to deal with after the better.

doodlesmom

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:54 am

I hate when people do it in the beginning of a simcha, because then the place starts looking nebachdig, but towards the end I am alway urging my guest to take home stuff for their family etc. it’s a souvenir from my simcha. I even order them with that in mind.
And honestly I don’t need a bunch of fancy miniatures and cookies to last me till pesach.

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:55 am

When I make a simcha and want to have stuff for my family, I hide it away prior to the simcha . The rest is for the guests to take and enjoy. That’s why it’s there. At the end of the simcha , if there is still anything left I encourage everyone to take things home.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:55 am

I usually take a few cookies to bring me for my kids who were begging me to come to the family simcha but they are too young... this is my way of letting them join in the simcha and be excited for it- even though they couldn’t come.
My relatives usually encourage me to bring home for this kids...

Not sure what the problem is

amother

Indigo

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:55 am

When making a simcha, I assume that guests will take home a few fancy cookies for their children, and I order accordingly. If you want to make sure that some are left for your family, put them aside before the simcha. Guests have every reason to believe that food on the tables is meant for them to eat.

I'm not talking about rude people piling mounds of food into Tupperware containers to take home. That's unacceptable.

At one simcha I made, I arranged (as I always do) to have a tzedaka come at the end of the event to pick up the leftovers. During the evening, a relative went into the kitchen and told the workers to package things up for tzedaka. So they did, because they had been told that that's what they would be doing. But this relative took the stuff for a tzedaka of her own, and when the organization I had called showed up, there was hardly anything left for them. I was really embarrassed.

Ihatepotatoes

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:57 am

There's "Take home a miniature for your husband" when you're one of the last there, and most of the crowd has gone and had their chance, which is somewhat ok. And then there's the "Moishy likes cannolis, Shaindy likes Mousse, Chanie would probably LOOOOVE those little cakes, etc" Where someone shoes up at 630 and takes five or six. That person needs to have their photo snapped and displayed over the sweet table with the caption "Thank this person for there not being anything left"

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:58 am

It's one thing to take home some stuff when the simcha is over. But I can't stand when people come to say mazal tov for 2 minutes & pack up plates of things to take home for their kids, leaving the platters 1/2 empty. This is such a disgusting thing to do. The food is there for people that come to the simcha, not for you to take home for your kids. This is only acceptable if the baal simcha makes you a plate to take home. Otherwise it's so tacky and rude.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:00 am; edited 1 time in total

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:01 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

You're upset that guests are taking food set out for them?

If you want to keep it, set it aside.

Food at a simcha isn't set up for guests to pack up and take home. It's set up for guests to eat while they're at the simcha.
Even after the simcha is over it is rude to take leftovers without asking the baal simcha. If anyone gets to take home leftovers, it should be the baal simcha that actually paid for it.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:03 am; edited 2 times in total

silverlining3

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:01 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

I thought it was meant for the guests? When I make a simcha I am so happy for guests to help themselves to whatever they'd like. The less I have to deal with after the better.

Thought so too. You spend money, then be left with half of it?

But it seems like op is asking regarding taking home while other guest are still at the simcha. Which is not too fair, if you think in.
What I've seen, those who go home earlier take only 1-2 things. And those who go home towards the end, the bal simcha urges, take everything you want.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:02 am

I hate the idea of taking home. I think it’s zero etiquette. That’s why I like sending to a simcha a cake. I’m iyh making a simcha I’m only ordering cakes for this reason.

amother

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:03 am

thanks e/o

I didn't do such a good job explaining

I'm discussing the scenarios like others already mentioned

coming for two minutes and leaving with a bag/tray full
taking multiples of one thing during the simcha
gong into the bal simcha kitchen to see where the goodies are
[she hid them there don't ya think?]

not talking about taking home a cookie for the babysitter
or a miniature after sitting there the better part of the night
or if the bal simcha offered you a plate

amother

Plum

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:03 am

I have never heard of saving anything. Many of simchas I have been to even has little pastry bags for guests to fill and take home.

I've maybe seen 1 or 2 people take more than would be polite. But generally if it's out on the buffet it's for guests to enjoy while there and maybe take a bit as a souvenir.

In all of my family events we are practically begging friends and family to take home. Who has room for all the stuff anyway?

And I also would never expect anyone to contribute to my simcha spread. I mean they're guests.

amother

Black

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:04 am

Yes it’s for guests- yes they could take...
I’ve witnessed a group of relatives- (not especially close to the Baal simcha) each ask the kitchen for a pan- they each then started piling up miniatures to fill the PAN and putting it aside to take home (this was not at the end of the simcha)
It was downright rude. Had I not seen it myself I wouldn’t have believed that people actually do that!
Yes it’s for them. Yes they should take- but come on!!!!

thunderstorm

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Then those people lack basic decency.

Amarante

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:05 am

It is boorish to take home food from a buffet - any kind of food. If it is the custom in your crowd, sorry but I think they are boorish people with no manners especially if this is done while the simcha is still ongoing as opposed to when the caterer is packing up and so whatever is still there is obviously leftovers.

As others have posted, it is different if at the end of the simcha, the hosts tell guests to take stuff but even then the hosts can rightly discriminate as it is one thing to want your closest friends and families to have a "care package" and another to want to feed the shnorrers in the crowd.

It is not up to an individual to determine that the host doesn't want the leftovers or doesn't have a use for them. Maybe they have extended family so they are planning to use the extra food to help feed people for a few days.

It is astounding that people feel they have to hide food so the hordes descending won't decimate the tables by taking stuff to bring home.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, this is very rude behavior.