Taking home miniatures from simcha sweet table

southernbubby

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:19 pm

Usually l'chaim and wedding sweet tables have two sets of baale simchas so it's up to the mechutanim to both decide how to handle this situation. If they don't want people piling plates up to take home, they may want someone "serving" at the buffet such as a waitress.

Centerpieces may have to have a cute card reminding guests not to handle them.

If I were a guest in someone's house, I wouldn't take more than a polite portion of food because I would assume that it was the essence of good manners to leave enough for everyone. Why is that different in a rented hall? Am I attending the simcha to celebrate with my friends, or in order to stuff myself and bring home souvenirs? Are they relying on me to eat more than my share of cookies? If they are, they are welcome to say so.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 3:23 pm

QueensMama wrote:

Just got some wild pictures of a wedding in Israel from a friend that took place in a desert and was the most over the top wedding I'd ever seen. This past Shabbos I attended a kiddush in Brooklyn which had trays of saran wrapped bakery cake and herring and that's it.

Obviously there are fancy weddings in Israel. And simple ones in the US.

But, comparing ultra-orthodox simchos Israel to US, the general trend is that they are far simpler in Israel.

(I have nothing against elaborate affairs though this is just a fact.)

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 6:55 pm

For dd's wedding we tried to keep the meal small. Only invited family. Others were sent a message to come for dancing-and that we would provide a hot buffet. People came and took others seats. The caterer made special boxed meals for the invited children. Bochurim-not invited to the meal took the kids meals and ate them so my grandchildren didn't get food. Then they took others seats and ate their meals.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:49 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

Where were the bochurim supposed to eat? Standing?

SixOfWands

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:00 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Where were the bochurim supposed to eat? Standing?

No. Family got meals and seats at a table. Kids got boxed food and seats I don't know where. Bochurim and other assorted other B-listers got the hot buffet and chairs nearby without tables.

I think I would have been confused as well.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:07 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Me, too.
I think some sort of directions, whether posted (but so tacky) or a waiter or staff person directing people to appropriate food stations was needed.
That is a very understandable mistake for the bachurim to make and totally not their fault.

Blessing1

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:10 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

Why isn't it their fault? They weren't invited for the meal but they anyways came.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:27 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Why isn't it their fault? They weren't invited for the meal but they anyways came.

If they saw boxed meals it is very understandable they thought it was for them. Not that different than a to go buffet. I would think it was just a thoughtful gesture on the part of the host. I wouldn't consider a boxed meal to be what you get when you are invited to the meal, at all. Anyway I think it is rude to invite people to dance and not offer any food at all. If you don't want to give them food, don't invite them to come dance. Or were they total wedding crashers? Didn't sound like it. IME, when guys are asked to come and energize the dancing they are offered food even if not a sit down meal. Its only decent.

Tbh, I think its weird to have boxed meals for kids at a wedding. Like, what's the cut off age? 10? Bar/bas mitzvah? 16? 18 years old? 20? What about a married 18 year old girl with a 22 year old husband? He gets a regular meal but she doesn't? Or, she does, but her single counterpart doesn't?

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:15 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

There were 2 separate rooms. 1 for the meal and 1 for dancing.
Kids meals were on tables assigned to kids in the same room as the adult meals.

Blessing1

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:19 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

It seems like you're purposely misreading her post. Please go back and read it again. They did offer food for dancing. These bachurim were invited for dancing where they set up a buffet and chairs for the people that were invited for dancing. They were not invited for the meal but they showed up and sat down to the kids meals. How is this not rude?
And it's not weird to give boxed meals at weddings for the little kids. It's a brilliant idea because you know they eat something. My mom brings for the kids food packages at every wedding. It has a deli sandwich, box drink, and snack.

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:21 pm

amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:

The boxed meals were set out on tables with numbers on them like at any other wedding. With a seating plan posted clearly. It was very clear this was the kids table. The idea of the boxes is so each kid gets their own meal and can eat it when they are ready. As kids rarely sit for long, their meals were supposed to be there when they were ready for them. Not eaten by others.

And it was clear from the invitation that there was a hot buffet for the dancers. They were offered food-just different than the sit down meal.

As for age of the kids-they were all 10 and under. And the boxes had things like nuggets and fries-kid friendly food.

yidisheh mama

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:28 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Omg!! This reminds me of my aunt that officially comes to simcha's with some pans & silver foil and sits there till the last guest left and proceeds to fill her pans. Nebach on such people.

Are we related? I have an elderly-ish relative that does that, too! She cut up an untouched cake that we were going to use for shabbos sheva brachos at the end of a weekday sheva brachos. She packed up about 3/4 of it, a separate pan for each of her kids' families!

mandksima

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 10:59 am

I just don't get a simcha that is not made for your guests' enjoyment. Make a simcha where people can come and eat to their heart's content, take home any leftovers and don't put out anything that is so serious that if someone else takes it, it's devastating. I always make sure to slice one piece out from a whole cake so that no one will be embarrassed to start it. G-d forbid it should be leftover once sitting out for the guests. I love leftovers and would love to have them but I just wouldn't put it all out to begin with. Why put out anything that shouldn't be eaten because you're hoping to have it leftover for the next event? Just assume someone will come with "good intentions" of helping you finish all of your leftovers and be so happy with that. Otherwise, it just feels everyone is making events to look fancy and impress others and no one actually wants anyone to feel at home and satisfied on their dime. That takes away from the whole simcha as you'll constantly be checking the food tables to see what's left and monitoring any guests taking home plates. If price is the biggest issue, not just annoyance, then make a simpler affair. Honestly, now I feel I can never take a few homemade or fancy treats home. I don't eat carbs even, I take a few things home for my kids because I can't eat any of it. I'm not talking about weddings anyway as I never stay late enough for dessert and I wouldn't take anything home from a wedding. I'm talking bar/bat mitzvah mostly or a kiddush. Should be simple and fun. Sheesh.

Yes, some of these stories are ridiculous and rude but if you're bothered by them to this point, the way it was done left it open to these kinds of crazy stories. People are people, just enjoy your affair! Make sure people are told ahead of time what they are invited to.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:20 am

I clearly live in a different universe.
Either people are invited to the wedding or they are not, unless they are hired dancers to make the wedding more leibedick. (And yes, you still feed your hired staff).
If you don't want something eaten, don't put it out. We wanted benchers and cookies for Sheva brachot, we ordered an extra 25 and left them home.
It is apporiate to take home after the simcha what is left on your plate and what you would have eaten, but not cookies or miniatures for 15.
I have been to simchas where they have plates with either one personalized cookie or 3 small desserts on each plate. I have a plate, my husband has a plate -those I can do with as I like, I can even take my mom's if she doesn't want it, but no, you cannot clear a serving table-especially at the beginning of the simcha. That is tacky. Buy your own darn cookies.

Blessing1

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 11:48 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

It is so common to be invited to a wedding for dancing only. Many people have the meal for family only and friends/acquaintances come for dancing.