Every season another size

amother

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 12:03 pm

I’m married for 7 years and have 3 kids (bh!!) aside from a maternity wardrobe which I needed everything new, I haven’t shopped for myself a lot since I’m married. I added a few new items to my wardrobe each season but never went all out, replacing basics etc. I had a baby last winter just before Covid hit, after I gave birth if I was going back to work I would have really needed to do a good shopping for myself. Covid spared me that. I was home in comfortable clothes not thinking about what to wear etc. I worked hard all summer to lose weight and Bh I was back to a size I was comfortable with and I was looking thru my closet before Rosh Hashana and realized I really needed a wardrobe makeover. I think that feeling of needing to take care of myself and clothe myself properly just took over. I really went all out. I needed undergarments, shells, skirts, tops, sweaters. I feel really really great this winter. I feel neat and I feel like I’m wearing clothes that fit me that are in season. It’s strange what feeling good about ones outer appearance can do for the self esteem.
A week or so ago I had to call my Rav with a spotting question. I Mentioned that my baby’s birthday is approaching and we talked about it and when I’ll be ready to maybe try again. I’m bh coping well and would be thrilled to have another as I didn’t get married young and my clock is ticking . When I hung up I was thinking about how I was feeling good about myself and all of this stuff I went out a bought likely won’t fit next year ... its bothering me, but I’m also upset that it is. Why do I care so much? Bh I was able to afford the things I bought, I can replace them if I need to. Why is my appearance effecting me so much, to the point that that’s where my mind goes when thinking of another pregnancy...? Any insightful moms wanna weigh in? Anyone relate to the struggle?