Why don't we tell | Imamother

singleagain

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:02 pm

What's the thing behind not telling if you decide the baby name early?

amother

Denim

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:07 pm

You mean before we name the baby officially? I dont want everyone and their mother giving their opinion so we keep it secret.

singleagain

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:12 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

You mean before we name the baby officially? I dont want everyone and their mother giving their opinion so we keep it secret.

Yeah before bris or torah reading... Is there still like a Jewish mystical or whatever tradition reason that we don't

amother

Yellow

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:34 pm

I thought it was something with ayin hara but idk. The practical reason others mentioned makes sense too. It's kind of a nice tradition.

Chana Miriam S

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:45 pm

Superstition

amother

Purple

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:47 pm

I wonder if it’s just a keeping things b’tzina thing. Like many people don’t tell the gender they’re having or if someone is getting engaged unlike in the non jewish world.

singleagain

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 6:50 pm

I'd be interested in any in all theories.

Long story short mentioned to a friend who asked me why and I had to stop and be like huh I have no idea...

amother

Denim

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:16 pm

singleagain

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:18 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Oh so interesting so then why did it become a thing?

amother

Mint

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 7:28 pm

Yeah it's not strictly necessary, but boy am I glad it's a thing! Since it's not "official" till the bris/naming, telling ahead opens you up to pressure and opinions since it's still a possibility. No thank you! I know plenty of non Jews who announce the name at their gender reveal party or whatever, and there is inevitably a ton of drama, for months on end until the baby is actually born and it's on the birth certificate and there's no changing it. Most people who deal with that are much more careful the second time around. I love that it's not even an expectation by us that anyone will know until the bris/naming.

amother

Gold

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 8:13 pm

Ein ha’brocha shoreh ela b’ma sh’samuch min hayin. Basically Brocha comes from things that are kept hidden. I believe this is where the idea comes from. Same concept as to why frum people don’t put out pregnancy announcements.
But I don’t know the source of this quote

ROFL

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 9:11 pm

I think it is also an Ayin Haroah thing
I have a freind who was naming her boy name X
Everyone knew that. Night before bris uncle dies and name was changed to that name.

nchr

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 9:27 pm

We usually discuss it with our parents and put the legal name on the birth certificate.

essie14

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:01 am

I dont want anyone's opinion, so we only announce when it's a done deal.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:26 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Bava Metzia 42a

Here's the quote, with English translation.

וא"ר יצחק אין הברכה מצוייה אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין שנאמר (דברים כח, ח) יצו ה' אתך את הברכה באסמיך תנא דבי רבי ישמעאל אין הברכה מצויה אלא בדבר שאין העין שולטת בו שנאמר יצו ה' אתך את הברכה באסמיך

And Rabbi Yitzḥak says: Blessing is found only in a matter concealed from the eye, as it is stated: “The Lord will command blessing with you in your storehouses” (Deuteronomy 28:8), where the grain is concealed. The school of Rabbi Yishmael taught: Blessing is found only in a matter over which the eye has no dominion, as it is stated: “The Lord will command blessing with you in your storehouses.”

ת"ר ההולך למוד את גורנו אומר יהי רצון מלפניך ה' אלהינו שתשלח ברכה במעשה ידינו התחיל למוד אומר ברוך השולח ברכה בכרי הזה מדד ואח"כ בירך הרי זה תפילת שוא לפי שאין הברכה מצוייה לא בדבר השקול ולא בדבר המדוד ולא בדבר המנוי אלא בדבר הסמוי מן העין שנאמר יצו ה' אתך את הברכה באסמיך

The Sages taught: One who goes to measure the grain on his threshing floor recites: May it be Your will, O Lord, our God, that You send blessing upon the product of our hands. If one began to measure the grain he says: Blessed is He Who sends blessing upon this pile of grain. If one measured and afterward recited this blessing, this is a prayer made in vain, because blessing is found neither in a matter that is weighed, nor in a matter that is measured, nor in a matter that is counted. Rather, it is found in a matter concealed from the eye, as it is stated: “The Lord will command blessing with you in your storehouses.”

amother

Blonde

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:21 am

My husband saw in a sefer the reason is to avoid machlokes where grandparents will have opinions. This way no pressure, gparents & everyone else find out by naming.
By my first, my son's name changed right before bris, because of a great grandparent, without my asking, as I wasn't there, I only found out second name, after bris.
In short, family decided, after name was revealed to my grandma right before bris & she didn't allow.

WitchKitty

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 2:08 am

There are so many stories about 'mistakes' at the bris, giving a different name, so I would prefer not announcing it until it's official.

singleagain

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 6:50 am

It's so interesting that a lot of people are saying to avoid machloket, When I have the baby name threads on this website are about how people are getting pressure from one side of the family or the other.

nchr

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 6:57 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

This is why we do sides and it's pretty obvious what name comes when and why we call and discuss it with that particular parent who's chance it is so get input.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:17 am

singleagain wrote:

I mean, you definitely still have people giving opinions and pressure, but it's not the same as when they know for sure what the plan is. As long as nobody knows for sure, they can drop their hints and say their piece and you can smile and nod and say "maybe". If you've said what the name is already, people will outright say it's terrible, how could you, and make a whole campaign to get you to change it before it's too late. I've seen this happen to a lot of acquaintances.