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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 8:43 am
How long does it take for them to walk out the door? What do they do regularly after the honk?
My kids have to have their coats on by the time carpool usually comes. Occasionally they don't- we open the door, put it on quickly, and go. If they are running late that morning, they stop eating when the time comes to out on coats. They can eat then until the honk, and then drop their food and go.
There's a family in my carpool that views the honk as the time to start getting ready. Two more bites, then carry things to the sink and trash. Then coats, check hair, then say goodbye to mom. It takes almost five minutes every day. I don't have the time for it. Arriving earlier doesn't help- they won't be ready any earlier. Talking to their mother doesn't change anything. So frustrated, and my kids are more frustrated!
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amother
Salmon
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 8:49 am
We are usually waiting by window so see them and go out right away. And most people I carpool with are the same. Have a kid in my sons Sunday carpool that's like that. It's annoying. The boys in the carpool tell him why are you never ready. And he's always making up excuses. But not much you can do. You don't have to do carpool with them another year.
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amother
Smokey
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 8:50 am
I’ve been there OP. I HATE it. I think making people wait is so rude. As a child, my mom would take me and another family to school. They ALWAYS made us wait outside for like 5-10 min. I hated them for that. It never changed. I’ll never forget it. Nothing you can do about inconsiderate people.
I would say maybe make them wait when they pick ur kids up, and if they say something then it’s your chance to say “good! If you hate it so much don’t do it to me either”
But as much as I wanted to do that back to this family when I was a kid, I had a conscious. I hate making people wait. Like hello, they’re doing ME a favor, and this is how to behave? No.
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saw50st8
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 8:54 am
Pick your carpool carefully. You can't change other people.
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amother
Mauve
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 8:56 am
Yes carpool can be such a pain! I have had years where I decided it just wasn’t worth it..
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amother
Lime
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:11 am
And this is why I don’t do morning carpool, I know myself and my kids and people would be waiting for us. We are always rushing in the morning.
I live close to one of my kids schools so an older neighbour walks my son to school in the mornings. He passes my house anyway. I told him in the beginning of the school year- if my son is not waiting on the front porch just keep on walking do not wait for him!
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amother
Blush
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:19 am
My issue is that my morning carpool honks loudly and a few times in succession.
Not so appreciated by the neighbors at 7:35 in the morning.
I tell my son to be waiting by the door for them so they don't have a chance to honk.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:42 am
Kids should be ready and waiting by the door. You shouldn't be waiting for a honk to get your coats on. It's very annoying when ppl aren't ready.
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SixOfWands
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:54 am
Text the parents when you're at the house before, or leaving your house, and tell them that you'll be there in X minutes, and tell them that they should view that as the "honk."
Not likely to help, though. But if its poor time management, and they're genuinely trying (which I doubt) it could.
The only other thing you can do is to wait a couple of minutes then leave. "I waited, and when the kids didn't come out, I figured they weren't going to school today." Expect issues if you do that. No, I wouldn't do it either.
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OOTforlife
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:00 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Talking to their mother doesn't change anything. |
Can you elaborate on this part? Does their mom disagree with you on principle? Or does she agree, but then just fails to execute?
If she is willing to improve, but just failing at it, maybe she would be open to brainstorming some measures to improve, like you calling her from the car on the way over.
Also, how do the other carpool members feel about this?
Last edited by OOTforlife on Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Indigo
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:33 am
Getting the right carpool together can be as difficult as matching up the right shidduch couple. No joke.
Anyone who lives in a carpool community knows exactly what you are describing. Nothing you can do. Just suck it up for this year and find a different family for next year.
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amother
Green
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:53 am
I had my first and only carpool experience this summer with just one other family and I said never again. Thankfully I work for myself from home so I even though it takes sooo much time to bring my kids in the morning I found it INFURIATING that I had my kids ready and waiting and they were 20+ min late picking them up so they were late to camp every single morning. I would much rather just do it myself and not be irked every single morning.
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amother
Pearl
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:09 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | How long does it take for them to walk out the door? What do they do regularly after the honk?
My kids have to have their coats on by the time carpool usually comes. Occasionally they don't- we open the door, put it on quickly, and go. If they are running late that morning, they stop eating when the time comes to out on coats. They can eat then until the honk, and then drop their food and go.
There's a family in my carpool that views the honk as the time to start getting ready. Two more bites, then carry things to the sink and trash. Then coats, check hair, then say goodbye to mom. It takes almost five minutes every day. I don't have the time for it. Arriving earlier doesn't help- they won't be ready any earlier. Talking to their mother doesn't change anything. So frustrated, and my kids are more frustrated! |
If you discussed it and it does not help, stop carpooling with them.
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amother
Indigo
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:22 am
amother [ Pearl ] wrote: | If you discussed it and it does not help, stop carpooling with them. |
Can't do that midyear or nobody will ever carpool with you again. You will be the one to get the unreliable rep, dropping someone in midyear. That's just the way it goes in a carpool community, like it or not....
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:31 am
That is why I don't do morning carpool. I know that it's my kids who probably won't be ready. I drive everyone in the morning and only join afternoon carpools
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:36 am
The mother is trying, and is annoyed about it. There is a preteen involved who is moving to his own rhythm, and the other kid sees no urgency to be ready earlier than that. This wasn't such a problem last year with this family- the kid had this tendency, but it was more controllable.
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amother
Indigo
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:43 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | The mother is trying, and is annoyed about it. There is a preteen involved who is moving to his own rhythm, and the other kid sees no urgency to be ready earlier than that. This wasn't such a problem last year with this family- the kid had this tendency, but it was more controllable. |
Sounds like there isn't anything to do. And you couldn't have predicted it, either. Some carpool years are just harder than others, it truly is something to daven for. And I'm not joking.
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Stars
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | The mother is trying, and is annoyed about it. There is a preteen involved who is moving to his own rhythm, and the other kid sees no urgency to be ready earlier than that. This wasn't such a problem last year with this family- the kid had this tendency, but it was more controllable. |
If it’s a preteen it’s time to put the ball in the child’s court. Tell him you will be there at xyz time and wait two minutes on the clock. If he is not outside, you will leave.
As soon as the moms frustration is out of the picture and the child gets the responsibility put on his shoulders things should straighten out. Let him miss carpool for a couple of days, it’s not your issue.
The mom has to cooperate with this though, not to show any frustration or push him to get ready in any way. Let him suck it up if there are any consequences. He can walk or miss school, whichever works for the mom.
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amother
Slategray
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Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:15 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote: | I had my first and only carpool experience this summer with just one other family and I said never again. Thankfully I work for myself from home so I even though it takes sooo much time to bring my kids in the morning I found it INFURIATING that I had my kids ready and waiting and they were 20+ min late picking them up so they were late to camp every single morning. I would much rather just do it myself and not be irked every single morning. |
Late carpools are the worst. I'm paying for school! I'm paying for camp!
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