If your husband works, do you struggle when....

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:42 am

it comes to extra expenses such a weddings, seminary, bar mitzvahs? My husband is looking into becoming a rebbi and he is nervous that when he has to make a wedding or send a daughter to ey for seminary he's gonna be lost. I keep telling him that if you have a big family, even if you're working you're still going to struggle when it comes to these thing. Unless your making a lot. So if your husband works do you feel the struggle as well when you have a wedding to make etc?

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think this is something that is so individual depending on how much money is coming in to the family. For each family expenses are different. For a small family with a large income, these things will not be as much of a struggle as a large family with a small income.
Each family will inevitably be different. There is no one correct answer.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:47 am

No everyone who's husband works has millions and millions of dollars and no financial stress.
I would expect you to know that just from reading this site. Can't Believe It

amother

Plum

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:52 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My husband works and we would be lost without my income and family help. But many don't.

If your husband would become a Rebbe, though, it's definitely harder to make ends meet and you should really have a plan.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:53 am

My dh makes enough that we don't have to worry, bli ayin hara. But the hours required of him for that meant I had/have a different set of worries. I pretty much raised my kids on my own for ten years, including four births after which dh took multiple long business calls from my hospital room. Anyone who didn't work like that got downsized. There are different challenges for everyone.

Many of my friends make good livings and still worry, particularly when things come in groups. And the pressure to support married kids makes it harder. Even very well off people are cutting back to do that.

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:54 am

We want to have a big family iyh. I would still be working and my husband would be a rebbi and do other things on the side..Let me know if more details are needed:) ssorry wasn't so clear.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We want to have a big family iyh. I would still be working and my husband would be a rebbi and do other things on the side..Let me know if more details are needed:) ssorry wasn't so clear.

OP, are you asking if your husband shouldnt work? Or if being a rebbi isnt enough income? Or what exactly?
Obviously if you want a large family, the larger your income is, the better you will be.

GreenEyes26

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:57 am

Your question makes no logical sense. In essence you’re asking, “if my husband takes a really low paying job/stays in learning (?) and we have lots of kids, will we struggle financially?” Or I guess you’re asking “do people who work with lots of kids also struggle financially, so my husband shouldn’t bother working in the first place?”

Why would you want to set yourselves up for struggle?

amother

Coffee

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:57 am

Good for you for planning ahead.
If your husband is able to, he should supplement the salary with a second job, such as tutoring, ABA therapy.
Set aside some money, and invest it into low-risk mutual funds, or other investments.

amother

Navy

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 9:59 am

My kids are little and we already put away money for weddings...
sorry I don't think its enough to rely on jobs to pay for seminary, camp, weddings..

there are investments, simcha funds that you should start putting your money into.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We want to have a big family iyh. I would still be working and my husband would be a rebbi and do other things on the side..Let me know if more details are needed:) ssorry wasn't so clear.

A Rabbi that has a big family will realistically not be able to marry off kids on a Rabbi's salary even with side jobs.
DH makes nice bh and we're managing to save up for weddings. But come erev yom tov combined with the new school year, we do need to be more careful with our spending.

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:02 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP, are you asking if your husband shouldnt work? Or if being a rebbi isnt enough income? Or what exactly?

I'm asking because my husband decided he wants to become a Rebbi because he knows this is the right thing for him to do. He knows he is giving up and it is hard for him but this is what we both decided. He just thinks that if a person works then they don't have to worry about money so I keep telling him that just because you work doesn't mean that you're comfortable. He's willing to give up on a day to day basis but he is worried about sending the girls to sem and making weddings. I don't think anyone has it easy when it comes to these things.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:03 am

With many jobs there is potential or a pathway to making enough money. If he is considering being a Rebbi in a day school, that’s one thing. But if he’s looking to be a Rebbi in a typical RW yeshiva, The plan needs to be to “never have enough” forget seminary- think marrying off kids, Sending them to camp, clothing for yt. There’s a reason so many communities have extra help for families of rebeim- free clothing free food shoe sales etc.
Basically it boils down to this: if you get a regular job, your plan is to make enough money. If your a Rebbi, your plan is to be poor.
You need to be ready for this and accept it when making your decision.
(We had this decision, and decided against a klei kodesh career)

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:04 am

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

No everyone who's husband works has millions and millions of dollars and no financial stress.
I would expect you to know that just from reading this site. Can't Believe It

This lol! We both work and I swear my friend who's husband is in kollel manages better financially than us. Plus they have more kids. Honestly I don't know how anyone does it. Most of my dh wage goes on 4 lots of school fees bh. I also work so we're managing to save towards simchas but any other extras we can kind of forget about!

amother

Seashell

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If he wants to be a Rebbi, you need to live on the standard of a Rabbi's salary. The girls don't have to go to seminary, that's very expensive and even people with well paying jobs aren't sending their daughters to seminary. People with good jobs are also struggling. But a Rabbi that doesn't get financial help from family is bound to struggle more.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:05 am

Many men work and still don’t make large enough salaries to comfortably support a big family. However, there are many jobs out there that pay very generously and are enough to make a nice living. Typically, a rabbi job is not one of them.
Dh is working hard now and in the field he’s in, can make a million a year. He’s not currently making even close to that but there is lots of opportunity for growth. There are no rebbi jobs I’ve heard of that will ever make that much.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My husband did put aside money for the kids weddings but there are other big expenses such as bar mitzvah seminary etc..

Bar mitzvahs and seminary come before weddings in order not in importance so I would save accordingly. Seminary in e.y isn't a must either if you can't pull it off financially.