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Normal for playgroup morah not to allow checking out group?
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 7:50 pm
I was talking to a Morah once who told me she doesn't allow it.
At first I was a bit taken aback, but she said the following.
Imagine your 3 year old comes home and says today all we did was play toys. No project, no parsha, no circle, no park. Morah Assistant played with us and lots and lots of Mommies came to visit. They were shmoozing and asking questions to Morah Head Morah.
As a mother, I wouldn't be thrilled with the split focus while my child is there.
I don't know. I ask a lot of people, try to find people I know who know the Morah personally, go down and visit and shmooze. But not during the group.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 7:53 pm
keym wrote:
I was talking to a Morah once who told me she doesn't allow it.
At first I was a bit taken aback, but she said the following.
Imagine your 3 year old comes home and says today all we did was play toys. No project, no parsha, no circle, no park. Morah Assistant played with us and lots and lots of Mommies came to visit. They were shmoozing and asking questions to Morah Head Morah.
As a mother, I wouldn't be thrilled with the split focus while my child is there.
I don't know. I ask a lot of people, try to find people I know who know the Morah personally, go down and visit and shmooze. But not during the group.


Observing doesn't have to be shmoozing. People can walk in stay on the side and quietly observe for a few minutes. Questions can happen after hours. There really is no reason not to allow people to observe and it's not really fair.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 7:53 pm
I’m curious if those saying it’s a red flag are from Lakewood. As far as I know it’s not the norm here, for most morahs. Whether it should be or not is irrelevant.
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 7:55 pm
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
Observing doesn't have to be shmoozing. People can walk in stay on the side and quietly observe for a few minutes. Questions can happen after hours. There really is no reason not to allow people to observe and it's not really fair.


Some of my kids have been thrown off and get stressed out and nervous from other kids weekly therapists. They would have really not handled strangers visiting in and out.

I get the frustration. I just know some of my kids would have gotten too agitated and it wouldn't have been good.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 8:18 pm
During covid I would think this would be the norm. Otherwise, it’s not a red flag to me but I hear both sides of why it makes sense but also would like a few minutes to observe. Maybe offer a time to meet without the kids but also ask if you can observe without asking questions
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 8:23 pm
Do you know any of the current kids there? Maybe you can drop them off or pick them up.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 10:25 pm
I do hear where she’s coming from
However ,

My son is currently in a 3 yo group that I’m generally happy with however the Morah doesn’t let us come in bc it disturbs things. She brings the kids to the door for pickup and comes to get them for drop off . Many people would love it but I don’t. I want to see my kid interact with his friends , what toys he runs to, if he is off to the side alone at pickup etc. I feel out of the loop. I’ve only seen about 6 different kids and there are 18 in the group. (assistant )
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 10:27 pm
I’ve sent to like 8 playgroups and I always observed first, nobody ever said no or was even hesitant about it.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 10:30 pm
I’d never send my kid anywhere Unless I see the class in session first. Little kids can’t express themselves. I know to know what to expect.
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amother




Wheat
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 10:35 pm
That would be a red flag for me. I once went to check out a playgroup. The toys were all old and junky- no magnatiles, or nice block sets, etc. I asked about the lack of toys and the Morah said that she is buying new ones for next year. Well what about the bored kids this year? They were all just kind of roaming around the room looking kinda bored. I did not send there.
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amother




cornflower
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 11:32 pm
Hi OP
I'm a playgroup Morah in a large US city, but not tristate area Smile
Usually, I allow mothers to visit, no more than one a day. In fact, I invite them to come visit, I think its really important to meet me and see my playroom and outdoor space etc. They need to feel comfortable with where and whom they are sending their precious little one to...

Here's the thing, I speak to the mothers on the phone at length before they come, I also let them know that I don't want them to stay more than about 10-15 minutes at most to avoid it being too disruptive to the children and I will be too busy to chat to them, so any questions should be asked in the initial phone call, or after their visit.

However this year, due to covid regulations, and the fact that my playgroup parents would not appreciate their kids being exposed to anyone else, I can't allow mothers to come until after playgroup hours. To be honest, it's harder for me, because I work long hours and it's so hard to find that extra time to meet the mothers! But that's life. Yet another covid problem! But on the other hand, its less disruptive for my current playgroup children, so I'm not complaining!

Bottom line, I would absolutely not see it as a red flag. She is clearly worried about it being disruptive to the children, or worried about covid issues. Please give her the benefit of the doubt. If she has a good reputation and you get a good 'feel' when you meet her, do not worry!
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amother




Beige
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2020, 11:39 pm
Yes, I too am a Playgroup morah who EXPECTS potential parents to visit during playgroup hours. This year, however, due to Covid restrictions, no one is allowed in while we are in session. This was much much harder for me as stated because it meant working even longer hours than I already do. I always preferred parents coming during playgroup hours and specifically had them come during snack time so that I could turn my attention away while my assistant supervised. Ten minutes tops. I believe that is the best way.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 1:06 am
...
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amother




Linen
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 1:14 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She has an assistant. I’m not sure why she doesn’t let...it’s getting me nervous.....what’s she hiding?


It might be a privacy issue if you observe other people's children. Maybe they don't want it.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 1:33 am
Chayalle wrote:
I'm curious, what would you hope to accomplish by observing the group?

I think meeting the Morah (after hours) is a great idea. I'm not sure, though, how beneficial it is to actually see her in action....and I do understand that it could be very disruptive to the group. Not to mention, in these times, added exposure to people who don't need to be there.

It’s not as much as I’d want to see her, I want to know that I can. That she has nothing to hide.
I agree that covid is a good reason not to allow visitors, but that’s not the reason the teacher gave.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 7:19 am
chanchy123 wrote:
It’s not as much as I’d want to see her, I want to know that I can. That she has nothing to hide.
I agree that covid is a good reason not to allow visitors, but that’s not the reason the teacher gave.


Exactly! You summed it up well
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 7:25 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I just spoke to a morah for next year, and asked if I can come out the group. She said I can come after hours but not during the day as it upsets the routine. Does this make sense? The references I spoke to said she is so warm and loving, just very structured. Older 2s group

I am taking my child now for interviews for pre-1a in September. One school is only doing interviews on Sundays, and another is doing interviews during the week but not letting kids into the classroom because of covid.
There are many places that don’t allow parents/children to come see for exactly the reason you were given- it DOES disrupt the flow.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 7:29 am
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
Observing doesn't have to be shmoozing. People can walk in stay on the side and quietly observe for a few minutes. Questions can happen after hours. There really is no reason not to allow people to observe and it's not really fair.

Except that it really CAN disrupt the flow. We are not talking about a classroom of older kids, where the teacher can just continue lecturing. In a playgroup, every person who comes in is noticed by the little people. One person coming in might not be a huge issue, but what if it’s multiple people in a day? That can really disrupt the flow, and the kids’ attention and Morah’s attention.
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 7:34 am
As a side note, I have been invited to come see the gan in action by gannenets I was considering. I never took them up on it. Anything I'm really concerned about with a prospective gan is not going to happen when the gannenet knows someone is watching.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 7:36 am
Everyone is on there best behavior when being watched. It's possible and unlikely that the ganenet would be so oblivious to bad or dysfunctional behavior that she would not censor herself.

Most of the people who are bad ganenets are being bad when no one can see. Trust me I have expirience.
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