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Normal for playgroup morah not to allow checking out group?
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amother




Amber
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:09 pm
mommish613 wrote:
I’d like to make a point that no one mentioned. Observing a Morah in action is sort of pointless- she will obviously be on her best behavior and you will likely not see what REALLY goes on.

You may not see 100% of what really goes on, but you definitely might see things that make you uneasy and cause you to choose another place. I can tell you that from personal experience, and at least two other posters in this thread have said the same.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:16 pm
Chayalle wrote:
Exactly. There have been too many stories over the years.


If 2 sisters run a group together, there’s reason to be concerned?
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cutestbaby




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:19 pm
Chayalle wrote:
No way Jose would I send my child there (for sure pre COVID)

ETA I sent my girls to an amazing 4-year-old Morah (with a wonderful assistant!). I remember when next DD was headed for 3's, the Morah's sister (whom I'm sure is fabulous) started a group for 3 year olds. No assistant. I'm sure she's great, but I didn't send. My rule is a rule for me.

I did send my DD to clubs, run only by the assistant, at the age of 4. It was for like one extra hour, and I was okay with that, especially at that age.

The morah is 4 years old?
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If 2 sisters run a group together, there’s reason to be concerned?


I'm not saying there is. But sisters could potentially excuse each other on something I would not be comfortable with.
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mommish613




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:21 pm
OP,

Do you know a child that is in the current group? I would offer the mom to pick up the child and do it 10-15 minutes early. I’ve done that and found it to be very informative.

Obviously this would only work if the child really knows you and is okay going home with you...
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:23 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I'm not saying there is. But sisters could potentially excuse each other on something I would not be comfortable with.


I'm a playgroup Morah and I've had my sisters as my assistants at times. If anything I would think the opposite. I'll call them out on little things that bother me way more quickly than I would to a random assistant.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:24 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
I'm a playgroup Morah and I've had my sisters as my assistants at times. If anything I would think the opposite. I'll call them out on little things that bother me way more quickly than I would to a random assistant.


the question is, would they call you out on things more than another boss?

And if there was truly a problem of some form of abuse, would a sister pick up on it and report it?
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:29 pm
Chayalle wrote:
the question is, would they call you out on things more than another boss?

And if there was truly a problem of some form of abuse, would a sister pick up on it and report it?


Oooh good point. Yeah I can't imagine they'd report. Not that they'd be scared to call me out on little things if they felt I was wrong, but that could be our dymamic. I hear your concern.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:31 pm
bananas4bananas wrote:
The morah is 4 years old?


Lakewood lingo. Group for 4-year-olds.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 07 2020, 12:33 pm
sky wrote:
I hear what you are saying

My daughters go to a Morah who doesn’t take an assistant.
She explained to me the years she hired an assistant she found when she had something to talk about she spoke to the assistant. When there is no assistant she only speaks to the girls and is 100% focused only on them.
I once heard another girl tell her mother in the group - last year when the Morah had a secret she told it to the other morah. This year when the Morah has a secret she tells it to us!!


(She is also the type that won’t do anything else during the group. She hires someone to come in for a short time so she can eat lunch when doing extended hours. )

Honestly My 2 yr old is Very scared of strangers and it would mess his day up a lot if someone came in he didn’t know


I hear your point.

But the safety I feel from a Morah and assistant outweighs that.
On top of that, I looked for great Morahs, who focus on their students.
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 8:47 am
@ chayalle I’m guessing you didn’t send in yeshiva area because it’s nearly impossible to find groups with assistants there.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 9:08 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
@ chayalle I’m guessing you didn’t send in yeshiva area because it’s nearly impossible to find groups with assistants there.


This is a deal breaker for me as well. Who is watching your two year old when morah goes to the bathroom? Is changing a diaper? If cv there's an emergency? It is unsafe at best.

I drove a two year old halfway across town one year because there was nothing in my area for him with an assistant.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 10:24 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
@ chayalle I’m guessing you didn’t send in yeshiva area because it’s nearly impossible to find groups with assistants there.


Actually, that's exactly where all my kids went to playgroup.

ETA - my youngest is 12 B"AH. So it's been a few years.
2 year old Morah is still there, with an assistant
Haven't been in touch, but 3 year old Morah is still there...don't know if she still does playgroup
4 year old Morah moved, so no longer Yeshiva area.
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amother




Gold
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 10:29 am
amother [ Puce ] wrote:
I'm also a morah (not same as Op's) and that's also my policy!
When I'm a morah, my job is to take care of the kids in my care not talk to mothers who are possibly interested in sending the following year!
(Eta: I do not have an assistant!)

Agreed.
And if I had a child in the group I would not be happy with potential mother’s coming to “check out the group”.
You call for references.
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theotherone1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 2:27 pm
I've sent to many playgroups over the years (large community-not in tri-state area) and have had it both ways with regards to being allowed to come during playgroup hours. I did enough research about each one that not seeing Morah during actual hours was not a huge deal.
I will say that one Morah (who everyone gushes about) disappeared within a couple of minutes of when I got there to go tend to an elderly parent who was living in her home. She just kind of dumped me with her assistant (a young post high school girl who didn't know what to say to me). Before I left, I walked to other area of her home just to say goodbye and thank you but she was nowhere to be found. I figured she would call to apologize or something but I never heard from her. I'm glad everyone else likes her, but I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole.
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ddmom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 3:14 pm
theotherone1 wrote:
I've sent to many playgroups over the years (large community-not in tri-state area) and have had it both ways with regards to being allowed to come during playgroup hours. I did enough research about each one that not seeing Morah during actual hours was not a huge deal.
I will say that one Morah (who everyone gushes about) disappeared within a couple of minutes of when I got there to go tend to an elderly parent who was living in her home. She just kind of dumped me with her assistant (a young post high school girl who didn't know what to say to me). Before I left, I walked to other area of her home just to say goodbye and thank you but she was nowhere to be found. I figured she would call to apologize or something but I never heard from her. I'm glad everyone else likes her, but I wouldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole.

Can we be DLZ that she had an emergency on that day and is not an everyday occurence?
The same way morah can put on a show to impress parents, incidents do happen sometimes at the wrong time! That's why I think it's pointless to visit morah! Reputation is worth so much more!!
What if you walk in and one kid just had an accident and another one is crying because another child just patched him? Is morah a bad morah? No. Will you send there? No because you came out with bad feelings thru no fault of hers!!!
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theotherone1




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 3:19 pm
ddmom wrote:
Can we be DLZ that she had an emergency on that day and is not an everyday occurence?
The same way morah can put on a show to impress parents, incidents do happen sometimes at the wrong time! That's why I think it's pointless to visit morah! Reputation is worth so much more!!
What if you walk in and one kid just had an accident and another one is crying because another child just patched him? Is morah a bad morah? No. Will you send there? No because you came out with bad feelings thru no fault of hers!!!


I hear but wouldn't it have been mentshlish to call me afterwards and apologize and ask if I have any more questions?
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 3:21 pm
ddmom wrote:
Can we be DLZ that she had an emergency on that day and is not an everyday occurence?
The same way morah can put on a show to impress parents, incidents do happen sometimes at the wrong time! That's why I think it's pointless to visit morah! Reputation is worth so much more!!
What if you walk in and one kid just had an accident and another one is crying because another child just patched him? Is morah a bad morah? No. Will you send there? No because you came out with bad feelings thru no fault of hers!!!


Agree, but how does a morah get a reputation if parents don't see her in action? Reputation is often unrelated to reality.
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ddmom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 4:46 pm
theotherone1 wrote:
I hear but wouldn't it have been mentshlish to call me afterwards and apologize and ask if I have any more questions?

Yes 100%
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ddmom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Dec 08 2020, 4:59 pm
amother [ Slategray ] wrote:
Agree, but how does a morah get a reputation if parents don't see her in action? Reputation is often unrelated to reality.

Reputation is usually related to reality. You get a good reputation by doing a good job!!!
Prospective parents do not see her in action but actual parents do.
By pick up and drop off you can see a lot.(especially if you come at unusual times which will for sure happen over the course of a whole year!!)
If kids ask to go to morah even when there's no school.
If they're happy to go and look happy when you pick up.
If they eat and sleep well by morah (depending on age!) If their diapers get changed.
If they learn new stuff and sing new songs and tell you about what they do....
There are so many ways to see!
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