I cannot parent my 6 yo!!! Driving me crazy and I'm losing I

amother

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 5:19 pm

It.

6 yo son is my middle child. No behavioral issues at school. Asked all rebbeim and teachers. not an issue at all.

But then he comes home. And he has SO MUCH ENERGY!! Pulling siblings hair, throwing toys across room, jumping all over, driving everyone crazy. Does not listen. Gets tons of negative attention Crying

Tonight he was pretty okay until evening...

Just now I tried putting him to bed. Lots of reminding, nothing sing. He ignored me, kept jumping on upside down rocking chair, laughing, etc.
Took him to bathroom so at least he'd make before bed.
Ran away after to another room. I shlepped him into his room. Wouldn't settle down. Kept screaming and running and yelling and jumping.I
Finally I lost it and patched him Crying

felt terrible for him and terrible guilty.
Turned off the light, say in his room against the for so he couldn't leave. He threw something at me and I screamed SO LOUD because it hurt near my eye. (I'm bleeding a little near my eyebrow, but nothing major)

Other kids came running, traumatized.

I screamed at the 6 yo words that I'm too embarrassed to repeat. They were awful.

I an at my wits end

My dh finally came and shut his door and told him not to come out.

son screamed, " it is all because of you mommy!!"I

Help!

I lose control when dealing with him.

amother

Navy

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 5:27 pm

Sounds like he has too much pent up energy from sitting in class all day. Can you get a small trampoline for him? What's the weather like where you live? Can he run around outdoors when he comes home from school? He needs to burn some of his energy.

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 5:41 pm

My DD is like this. She's an angel in school, she has the pressure to behave perfectly in school and at home she feels safe to act out. Oh my does she take out my energy bh. We got her a trampoline, a scooter for the house, Rollerblades so she should give out her energy without bothering anyone. I let her go outside even in the freezing cold. I also make sure she has something to eat and drink right when she comes home. She still takes alot out of me but bh bh we're seeing major improvement.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 5:43 pm

Try nurtured heart approach. (Howard glaser)
I have the EXACT same situation as you. It’s really hard we go nuts. But I’m very grateful he behaves in school.
His Rebbi told me that 1st grade is a really big adjustment and the boys sit a big chunk of the day so it makes sense if he needs to let off steam at home.

amother

Linen

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 6:00 pm

Are all middle kids like that? My middle kid, a girl, is also my most draining energy child. An angel angel in school, and at home.....gives it out ALL the way. No space for all these stuff in my house.

Wow, it feels validating to see more moms in my shoes.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 6:20 pm

6 year old can be a challenging age. I had it really bad with my oldest. to a certain extent with my next one. Both are incredibly well behaved at school but would fall apart at home. My oldest we actually took to OT for a while to deal with the meltdowns along with other stuff. it definitely helped with the other stuff but not so sure about the meltdowns.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 6:38 pm

Wow. My (almost) 6 year old daughter is so similar. Also great in school, although timid and shy. Comes home so wild, bothering everybody...she’s my oldest and it’s really hard. Sometimes works to have something ready for her to do right when she comes home (ex coloring and listening to tape..) but I’m following because I can use any advice on this topic

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 7:31 pm

The scenario you described reminds me of what used to happen between me and one of my kids. I went to a psychologist who diagnosed my kid with “middle child syndrome.” A few months later child was diagnosed with absence seizures. Once brought under control behavior turned around completely bH. Different child now BH. Please make sure to rule out any medical problems.

Zehava

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 7:52 pm

Having it with my son now. Started last year. It’s gotten slightly better since I stopped punishing and he trusts me more. He still has all this energy but he’s hurting the other kids a lot less.
I have fruits, veggies, and cake ready when he gets home. Sometimes he’s just hungry which exacerbates things. I encourage him to go to friends houses to play. I find that helps too. I teach him things, and I always have brain teasers on hand, which helps his brain focus on something. When all else fails and he’s hurting others I go into a room with him and he jumps on the beds. Thinking of hiring an instructor to do karate/gymnastics with him.
Really just winging it. It’s hard. I hope he outgrows it at some point.

Geulanow

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 8:22 pm

Don't feel pressured to get him to bed- let his father do it- but find something to keep him busy.
If you don't have a trampoline like some suggested, put a mattress on the floor or buy him a jump rope. (Yes, boys can jump rope.) .
I read a chinuch book that some kids like to destroy things - it suggested giving cheap pottery to break but you can also give him nails and a hammer and cheap wood and let him bang them in.
He may need a reward system, like charts, but include the other children too. Maybe balance the reward system with a system of consequences.
Don't be upset with yourself for the way you responded.

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 8:28 pm

Get him in an after school program - where they do homework with him and do
running around physical activities.

At least you wont have to deal with him for so many hours.

Alternatively, hire a counselor to come to your home and work out with him, play with him, etc.

Hatzlochah!

PS I don't think its terrible that you potched a kid who repeatedly disobeys and is acting
very wild and out of control.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 9:10 pm

Do you had a hard day and you lost it it happens
This child is just a regular healthy child with lots of energy and testing his boundaries.

How do you feel about his not listening?

Realize that God gave us kids so we can work on ourselves not to dress them up and show off.
He is giving you a run for your money. Can you still accept him? Love him?
You have the answers inside of you. Don't let people tell you he needs meds.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 08 2020, 9:39 pm

Geulanow wrote:

I have a very rambunctious 4 yo. I let him throw ice cubes at the wall outside. He LOVES it! He asks if he can do it. (It's an anger-management technique I learned from working for a substance abuse clinic for teens!)

amother

Mint

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 1:19 am

My ds is 6 and my oldest. A LOT like yours! If he's hungry he'll go trying to sneak treats and if that doesn't work he'll go bother his little sisters. Sometimes he doesn't realize it's that he's hungry and will just bother them relentlessly until I can restrain him and get him food at the same time. If I give him something nutritious that he wants to eat, he'll be an angel. He also LOVES building with real hammer and nails and wood. He's building a machane in the garden now- we live in Israel. He does it until dark and can't get enough of it. It's great!

We've had some nights like yours, too. If I can think of enough interesting things to tell him about, he'll calm down and listen beautifully. If I lay next to him in bed it also helps, but only if he's in the mood. Last night we discussed the driving test and all the rules... the problem is I can't always think of something to say, especially when restraining him. (and dragging to the bathroom and back to bed!) OP, are there any tricks you can use to calm him down? Stories, crafts, listening to music, reading books? Is he hungry or thirsty at the time?

I think I'd separate your examples into 2 categories- acceptable under certain conditions (jumping) and unacceptable (pulling hair). Are they happening at the same time? If he needs to run and jump, find ways for that to happen, like others said. If he has a place to jump, will he still be pulling hair? That's what you need to control, not the jumping.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Dec 09 2020, 2:56 am

My kid did that misbehavior. I also thought he needed to let his energy out. Really it was the exact opposite school is stressful, very stimulating. He needed to unwind. Negative attention stopped when I worked very hard to switch to only positive attention. Food or snack the moment he walked through the door then a calming activity (but not one that would require he nessarily sit sill .) Started it on a day my other kids weren't around so we could first get into good habbits.