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Class Chanukah gifts to teachers
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amother




Amber
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 9:19 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
I think ppl shoukd switch attitudes! Look as those mandatory " gifts" as part of tuition!!
At this point, it's not a gift anymore! School expects it,teacher expect it and class mother do the (dirty!)job of calling parents and collecting!
It's not a surprise but we get those thread every year because it's uncomfortable to get calls when we don't have the money!
Somehow we all manage to pay some money for tuition between September and December !
Think ahead and cheshbon in advance an extra $25/kid that you will have to give come chanuka time!
It's started as a nice idea now I'm not so sure! Nobody wants to be forced to give a gift!

This is very non understanding of ppl who struggle financially. Do you realize some ppl don’t have anything. $25/kid - 6 is Major for some ppl.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 9:41 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
It can be done by the PTA, and it is in many schools. Maybe you can spearhead the project for next year. In the meantime, may you have health and prosperity and a wonderful Channukah.

Even if it’s done by PTA, it’s still done with collected money.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:02 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
Even if it’s done by PTA, it’s still done with collected money.


But it won’t embarrass those who can’t afford. PTA can send out a form and no one needs to know who gave and how much and who didn’t.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:06 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
I think ppl shoukd switch attitudes! Look as those mandatory " gifts" as part of tuition!!
At this point, it's not a gift anymore! School expects it,teacher expect it and class mother do the (dirty!)job of calling parents and collecting!
It's not a surprise but we get those thread every year because it's uncomfortable to get calls when we don't have the money!
Somehow we all manage to pay some money for tuition between September and December !
Think ahead and cheshbon in advance an extra $25/kid that you will have to give come chanuka time!
It's started as a nice idea now I'm not so sure! Nobody wants to be forced to give a gift!


NO! This is the attitude that needs to change!! That was the whole point of my post. $25/kid is a lot of money. It’s this type of attitude that causes people like me to be literally crying in embarrassment and stress!
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:08 am
My mother teaches 8th grade, where it’s departmental, so there are many teachers. Im assuming they didn’t want to take too much from each girl, but I think they took 20 dollars a kid.
My mother got 50 DOLLARS! I hate to say this but she’s mortified. She’d rather get nothing then get 50 bucks. And she’s a main teacher.
What’s the solution?
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:15 am
By us it goes through the school and it says on the card that the gift is from the class, it doesn't say individual names. So if anyone has a hard time, they don't have to send money and they'd anyways be included. What does bother me though is that in the beginning of the year we had to send $100 per kid for all extra's during the year that they usually collect money for so they won't be asking for money so often. We gave the $100 per kid and they school keeps asking for money for this and that.....
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:16 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
My mother teaches 8th grade, where it’s departmental, so there are many teachers. Im assuming they didn’t want to take too much from each girl, but I think they took 20 dollars a kid.
My mother got 50 DOLLARS! I hate to say this but she’s mortified. She’d rather get nothing then get 50 bucks. And she’s a main teacher.
What’s the solution?


This is mortifying. Why do they give cash? I think most schools give a small gift like a cookbook, wallet, diffuser.....
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:20 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
This is mortifying. Why do they give cash? I think most schools give a small gift like a cookbook, wallet, diffuser.....


Ya, that definitely makes it nicer.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
NO! This is the attitude that needs to change!! That was the whole point of my post. $25/kid is a lot of money. It’s this type of attitude that causes people like me to be literally crying in embarrassment and stress!

I'm so sorry you're taking it so hard! My husband works in kashrus and barely had any job since covid started. I have a large family too(double digits!)so I definitely understand where you're coming from. I'm not minimizing your stress and embarrassment but the system won't change anytime soon. If next year you don't want to be as stressed as this year you will have to change your attitude!
You can't change other ppl, you can only change yourself!
Did you write a letter to your kids school so they don't collect next year? Probably not because you're just venting and I just explained that it was a gift but now became mandatory!
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pizza4




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 10:46 am
Sending home a note from school and one reminder note about it should be enough, without making phone calls. That would take away a lot of the headache from both parents and class mothers.
You can totally send in just whatever you can, its in an envelope and gets pooled with the rest. Or skip this year. Perfectly fine.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 11:33 am
OP, I'm with you. Ita absolutely insane how chanuka is turned into a grand tipping event as if we are all atm machines. I'm getting nonstop calls/texts/emails to send in money. I think especially this year with covid, people need to understand that not everyone can afford it. My finances were affected badly by covid. I am behind in paying credit card bills, is it normal that I should tip teachers instead of paying bills? The problem is that the teachers dont know my financial situation and I dont want them to think badly of me or my children if I dont give.

I think that teachers who were NOT affected by covid should be understanding of those of us who were affected. Every teacher I know has gotten the same paycheck as always throughout covid, whether they taught a whole day on zoom or 45 minutes on a phone conference
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 11:41 am
in the past they had class collection, but for some reason they did not do it this year. last year it was 25 for all the morahs. one of my sons has 6 morahs, another one has 4... this is goign to cost me way more than 25/kid even if I go on the cheaper end- so I hear it both ways
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 11:41 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
My mother teaches 8th grade, where it’s departmental, so there are many teachers. Im assuming they didn’t want to take too much from each girl, but I think they took 20 dollars a kid.
My mother got 50 DOLLARS! I hate to say this but she’s mortified. She’d rather get nothing then get 50 bucks. And she’s a main teacher.
What’s the solution?


I'm sorry but to me this borders on gaava and bad middos. What is wrong with $50? And how much is the minimum amount that your mother considers respectable?

I find it ironic when people post "it's not about the money, it's about the show of appreciation" but then are unhappy with $50. If it's all about appreciation then the amount shouldn't bother them; they should be happy with the display of appreciation.

Leta be honest: ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. If I would write a nice card to a teacher, and I mean a long, detailed card with specific examples of things I am grateful for, and not include any money-would the teacher be happy? NO. Conversely, if I would give a nice check and not write a card, and I would just scribble "thank you" on the envelope, would the teacher be happy? YES

You want to know the solution? STOP with the expectations. Stop feeling you are entitled to cash because the calendar states that its chanuka. Stop feeling that a certain amount is beneath your dignity. Appreciate every penny and every chocolate bar and every card and realize that it is all coming from hardworking cash-strapped parents
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amother




Azure
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 11:59 am
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
My mother teaches 8th grade, where it’s departmental, so there are many teachers. Im assuming they didn’t want to take too much from each girl, but I think they took 20 dollars a kid.
My mother got 50 DOLLARS! I hate to say this but she’s mortified. She’d rather get nothing then get 50 bucks. And she’s a main teacher.
What’s the solution?

Why is this mortifying? Do you know the actual definition? Mortifying=deeply ashamed and embarrassed. I think you are looking for the word "disappointed."

That said, it sounds like they divied up the money, so probably all the lead teachers got the same. Nothing wrong with that, certainly nothing to be embarrassed by????
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:07 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
Why is this mortifying? Do you know the actual definition? Mortifying=deeply ashamed and embarrassed. I think you are looking for the word "disappointed."

That said, it sounds like they divied up the money, so probably all the lead teachers got the same. Nothing wrong with that, certainly nothing to be embarrassed by????


Yes, it is mortifying for a teacher to get $50 combined from the entire class. $50 is a tip amount from a single student, not a combined amount from the entire class. It's more respectful towards the teacher for the school to give a small gift even if it's less than $50 and not a small amount of cash.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:15 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I’m sitting on my couch crying. All these super sweet mommies arranging class gifts to the teachers just asking $40 or just asking $25 without realizing that not everyone has money to spare. Hakaras ha tov is beautiful but why oh why do I need to be mortified in front of my kids friends mothers that all these “justs” add up and no I wasn’t planning on spending that??? Why can’t it be done individually or by the PTA so no one has to know who gave what or better yet not even be a standard! I just got a call from the two mothers in my kids class who are organizing and was put on the spot and I’m so embarrassed and feel bullied into giving away money I don’t have. Of course they meant well! They are so nice! Just oblivious that not everyone can afford extras. Then I got a text from another kid’s class “reminder to send the money for the class gift” umm reminder? How about would you like to participate in a collective gift? I’m so embarrassed and it hurts so much. I really don’t want to share my personal financial struggles with the neighborhood.


Hug

I am class mother this year for my 12 year old DD.

I just sent a note, with one follow up phone call, letting everyone know about the gift collection and that if they want to participate, it should be in by yesterday.

Today I delivered the gift (cash) with a thank you note to the teachers, signed "your terrific 7th graders". It does not say any individual names, and yes, there are some who did not participate. The teachers don't need to know who.

I don't have any negative view of those who didn't partcipate, BTW. Maybe they even decided to give their own more generous amount, instead of participating. Not my business.

You don't have to participate, you shouldn't feel bad, and don't worry, no one has to know.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:18 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Yes, it is mortifying for a teacher to get $50 combined from the entire class. $50 is a tip amount from a single student, not a combined amount from the entire class. It's more respectful towards the teacher for the school to give a small gift even if it's less than $50 and not a small amount of cash.


Wow so your mom expects 50 from every student. And you said its departmental so the students have multiple teachers that probably also expect 50. And most families have multiple school age children. I cant even do the math to figure out what that comes out to.

Floral white, do YOU give $50 to each of your children's teachers? And did your mom always give $50 to each of your teachers?

And I dont believe your mom would have been happy with a small gift. She probably would have complained that she didn't get cash

Maybe your mom got such a small amount because most of the students didn't chip in this year because the parents parnassah was affected by covid? Do you think people should tip teachers before paying bills?
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:29 pm
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
Wow so your mom expects 50 from every student. And you said its departmental so the students have multiple teachers that probably also expect 50. And most families have multiple school age children. I cant even do the math to figure out what that comes out to.

Floral white, do YOU give $50 to each of your children's teachers? And did your mom always give $50 to each of your teachers?

And I dont believe your mom would have been happy with a small gift. She probably would have complained that she didn't get cash

Maybe your mom got such a small amount because most of the students didn't chip in this year because the parents parnassah was affected by covid? Do you think people should tip teachers before paying bills?


It's not my mom, I didn't post it. And this didn't happen this year. But I really understand where she's coming from.
The accepted tip amount is usually $25-$50. The point isn't that teachers expect more. I think that it's disrespectful of a school to give a combined $50 cash tip for a teacher. Especially for a main teacher.
If everyone would tip separately, the amount would be much greater. When a school collects money for chanuka gifts, they usually buy a small gift and don't give a small amount of cash. A $25 gift is more appropriate and respectful than $50 cash.
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amother




Azure
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:46 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Yes, it is mortifying for a teacher to get $50 combined from the entire class. $50 is a tip amount from a single student, not a combined amount from the entire class. It's more respectful towards the teacher for the school to give a small gift even if it's less than $50 and not a small amount of cash.

No, it's not mortifying. But glad for your mom this is most embarrassing experience she has dealt with in her life! Wish I could say the same.
(It's a lot more humiliating to have to tell a class mom straight out you can't afford the expected tip. Guess you have never experienced that shame, either.)
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 12:56 pm
amother [ Azure ] wrote:
No, it's not mortifying. But glad for your mom this is most embarrassing experience she has dealt with in her life! Wish I could say the same.
(It's a lot more humiliating to have to tell a class mom straight out you can't afford the expected tip. Guess you have never experienced that shame, either.)


Again, it's not my mom and I didn't post it.
But I understand where she's coming from. Teachers should be treated with dignity and respect. Giving $50 cash from the entire class combined is disrespectful. It doesn't take much to take that same $50 and buy a small gift with it. You can even give the teacher a gift worth less than $50. But a small cash tip from an entire class combined is embarrassing for a teacher to get.
This has nothing to do with how much parents give and everything to do with how the school decides to hand out the pooled funds.
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