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Class Chanukah gifts to teachers
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:44 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Why do the teachers post a lot about getting respect?
Why do they deserve gifts more than any other person?
Why is "gratitude to your teachers" promoted more than to your dental hygienist, mental health therapist, kids OT, your doctor or any other service provider?
I say thank you often and I write a note to the teachers which I dont do for anyone else. But why does gratitude equal large amounts of cash or a physical gift?
We all work hard. We all put in hours outside of our work day. I definitely dont get paid a huge amount and I have student loans for my career (also person/service centered like the jobs listed above- PT, OT, speech, mental health therapist...). Even if you pay a lot, there are expenses. Just like tuition is humungous there are many costs your payment pays for and doesnt mean everyone gets a decent salary.

I get zero gratitude for my job. I know it is critical. But I get no tips, no thank you, no note. I say thank you to everyone but cant afford $25 a kid. I would be excited to get $50 cash because covid hit us hard too.
Let's leave gratitude where it belongs- in words, notes etc.


Because teachers care for my kids for more hours of the day than parents do and I think they deserve a tremendous amount of respect and gratitude for that.
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amother




Coral
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:46 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
But the school is collecting the money from the parents. The gift isn't coming from the school, it's coming from the parents. And the school giving the teachers a bit of cash, shows that the school doesn't appreciate the teachers enough. It's disrespectful from the SCHOOL, not from the parents. If I'd known that the school is giving the teachers a bit of cash from the money they collected from parents, I'd be upset about it and feel bad for the teacher.

Maybe I’m just not understanding. In my kids schools, the schools give the teachers money or a gift and the parents either do or don’t give (no phone calls, just emails), and the parents ALSO can give their own, either individually or from the class as a whole.
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:55 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Why do the teachers post a lot about getting respect?
Why do they deserve gifts more than any other person?
Why is "gratitude to your teachers" promoted more than to your dental hygienist, mental health therapist, kids OT, your doctor or any other service provider?
I say thank you often and I write a note to the teachers which I dont do for anyone else. But why does gratitude equal large amounts of cash or a physical gift?
We all work hard. We all put in hours outside of our work day. I definitely dont get paid a huge amount and I have student loans for my career (also person/service centered like the jobs listed above- PT, OT, speech, mental health therapist...). Even if you pay a lot, there are expenses. Just like tuition is humungous there are many costs your payment pays for and doesnt mean everyone gets a decent salary.

I get zero gratitude for my job. I know it is critical. But I get no tips, no thank you, no note. I say thank you to everyone but cant afford $25 a kid. I would be excited to get $50 cash because covid hit us hard too.
Let's leave gratitude where it belongs- in words, notes etc.


There are other jobs in which people are appreciated and get bonuses or holiday gifts. I work in a small tax firm, we get an extra check the week of chanuka. I have friends who work in the corporate world and get decent gifts every holiday season. I’m sorry you don’t feel appreciated in your job but showing appreciation is important for eveyone.
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:56 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Because teachers care for my kids for more hours of the day than parents do and I think they deserve a tremendous amount of respect and gratitude for that.


You're right. They do deserve gratitude.

But how come the only way to show gratitude is by giving cash? And alot of it? Because if I give too little (because that is what I can afford, not because I am greedy) the teacher will be "mortified" and consider it "disrespectful"
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:57 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
There are other jobs in which people are appreciated and get bonuses or holiday gifts. I work in a small tax firm, we get an extra check the week of chanuka. I have friends who work in the corporate world and get decent gifts every holiday season. I’m sorry you don’t feel appreciated in your job but showing appreciation is important for eveyone.


You are giving examples of employers giving holiday gifts to their employees. If you translate that to the schools, then the SCHOOL should be giving gifts to their employees (the teachers). Not the parents.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 3:58 pm
amother [ Coral ] wrote:
Maybe I’m just not understanding. In my kids schools, the schools give the teachers money or a gift and the parents either do or don’t give (no phone calls, just emails), and the parents ALSO can give their own, either individually or from the class as a whole.

Aha, I see it works differently in your school. By us, every parents needs to send in $18 per child and the school uses that money to get the teachers a gift on the parents behalf. I'd be upset to find out that the school is using the money to give teachers a small amount of cash and not a gift.
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amother




Black
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:00 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Because teachers care for my kids for more hours of the day than parents do and I think they deserve a tremendous amount of respect and gratitude for that.


And they get more respect and social benefits than anyone else! PTAs often give lunch to teachers or other extras. (Coffee and cookies on Rosh Chodesh etc). They are priority on community help like chessed girls, community programs, camp scholarships, food assistance (stores give them discount cards, a friend in NY can get Pesach stuff super cheap or the free Tom tov box), discounts to things-- "chinuch families" get tons of benefits. Besides days off before Pesach "to help our Morahs" . The fact that we are even having this discussion shows an underlying respect that other service providers dont get!

Most people get their paycheck and dont get anything else. And definitely dont complain that their GIFT is not respectful, not large enough or is "mortifying". What is mortifying is not having the money for tuition. For asking for scholarship. And opening your bank account statements to random or anonymous people on tuition or other committees just to make ends meet. And then being asked for more money and gifts. And not having it but still being asked many times. Hiding

Why isnt a thank you note enough? I appreciate the teachers and say thank you any time I could. So why does gratitude equal $$$$$$?
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amother




Linen
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:00 pm
I teach in an independent/private school that is not Jewish. This is one way it can possibly work:

At my school, we receive a check in December that is from the PTA. Every head teacher receives the same amount and every assistant teacher receives the same amount, which is slightly less that what the head teachers receive. Every family pays some money to the PTA at the beginning of the year that goes to this gift. They are essentially "required" to do so, although it is to the PTA not the school itself. While all are required to participate (which is a bit weird) it is done that way so that the families don't feel compelled to give an individual gift. This past year it was $200, and I had 12 students in my class (I taught other students, too, but they weren't in my main class.) It only happens 1x/year. I believe staff members also receive.

That said, the most memorable gifts I get are from my students... handmade cards, a letter telling me that they love having me as a teacher(!), etc. Sometimes a student will bring in a couple cookies that they baked with a parent and have lovingly wrapped on a paper plate, or a friendship bracelet they made for me. Drawings & origami are also well received!

I write a thank you to the PTA organization as a whole (those who helped organize and run things) and to every family in my class. But I also write a thank you note for those little homemade gifts that mean the world.

As a parent of 2 and a single mom, I have been put in the OPs shoes many times and it is always uncomfortable and I feel less-than because I cannot provide what is being asked for easily. Purim, though, is MUCH worse than Chanukah. In a heartbeat.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:01 pm
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
You're right. They do deserve gratitude.

But how come the only way to show gratitude is by giving cash? And alot of it? Because if I give too little (because that is what I can afford, not because I am greedy) the teacher will be "mortified" and consider it "disrespectful"


I didn't say that you must give a lot of cash. I just think that it's disrespectful to give a small amount of cash from the entire class combined, rather give a gift costing that small amount. I think it's more classy than giving a small amount of cash.
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amother




Black
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:02 pm
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
There are other jobs in which people are appreciated and get bonuses or holiday gifts. I work in a small tax firm, we get an extra check the week of chanuka. I have friends who work in the corporate world and get decent gifts every holiday season. I’m sorry you don’t feel appreciated in your job but showing appreciation is important for eveyone.


That is from the boss, Or from people who want your business next year. Not from clients (parents).
2 different things. The principal should take it out of his salary if it was a holiday or end of year gift.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:04 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
And they get more respect and social benefits than anyone else! PTAs often give lunch to teachers or other extras. (Coffee and cookies on Rosh Chodesh etc). They are priority on community help like chessed girls, community programs, camp scholarships, food assistance (stores give them discount cards, a friend in NY can get Pesach stuff super cheap or the free Tom tov box), discounts to things-- "chinuch families" get tons of benefits. Besides days off before Pesach "to help our Morahs" . The fact that we are even having this discussion shows an underlying respect that other service providers dont get!

Most people get their paycheck and dont get anything else. And definitely dont complain that their GIFT is not respectful, not large enough or is "mortifying". What is mortifying is not having the money for tuition. For asking for scholarship. And opening your bank account statements to random or anonymous people on tuition or other committees just to make ends meet. And then being asked for more money and gifts. And not having it but still being asked many times. Hiding

Why isnt a thank you note enough? I appreciate the teachers and say thank you any time I could. So why does gratitude equal $$$$$$?


I guess it's personal preference and choice. I hold teachers at a higher caliber because my kids are at school 8 hours a day and they're taking over the parents job of teaching our kids. And each teacher has 20-30 students in their classroom. For that alone I think teachers deserve a tremendous amount of respect, they're taking over my job as a parent for most of the kids waking hours. And they're often underpaid.
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amother




White
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:13 pm
I'm a class parent. The school sends a form of a suggested donation and I text the class group, but I would never call parents individually because I would not want to embarrass anyone. Covid hit many businesses hard and some people lost their jobs, this year we even suggested that any amount is appreciated and everyone sends in a sealed envelope to the school secretary, class parents do not know who gave what.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:21 pm
Ok. I didn't want to open this thread, and ignored it until now, but I couldn't resist.

I'm an elementary school teacher.

I HATE it that the school sends home a letter asking parents to express hakaras hatov on chanukah, and not to do class gifts. They want individual gifts.
and then it seems like an expectation.

And it's embarrassing (in my opinion) to give a rebbi $10.

Teachers and rebbeim are paid a salary. Tips should not be expected.

So...
As a teacher, I get anywhere from
Nothing,
To $10,$18,$20, and a really wealthy family might give $36/$50, in cash/check/gift card...
To a gift like a pretty bowl, pretty set of crystal shot cups, napkin rings, platter, cutting board...

And although it is fun to get a gift, I do not think ANY MORE OR ANY LESS of the parents who gave something or nothing, our anything in between.

(I do hate it when I get significantly large amount from a parent who had been driving me crazy. Because in a sense, it is a form of bribery, making me more likely to pick up the phone when I see their call than wait to call them back two hours later. )

As a parent, maybe I COULD afford to spend on rebbi/teachers gifts, but I'll be honest, I don't.

I write beautiful notes with specific examples of what our children/we appreciate about the teacher, and send it with a chocolate bar or something like that. Presented nicely.
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amother




Coral
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 4:45 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
Aha, I see it works differently in your school. By us, every parents needs to send in $18 per child and the school uses that money to get the teachers a gift on the parents behalf. I'd be upset to find out that the school is using the money to give teachers a small amount of cash and not a gift.

Even the money that the school itself collects, I don’t care how it’s given. As the one receiving, I’d rather get cash or an Amazon gift card, rather than a gift that I may not like or use.
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amother




Black
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 5:12 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
I guess it's personal preference and choice. I hold teachers at a higher caliber because my kids are at school 8 hours a day and they're taking over the parents job of teaching our kids. And each teacher has 20-30 students in their classroom. For that alone I think teachers deserve a tremendous amount of respect, they're taking over my job as a parent for most of the kids waking hours. And they're often underpaid.


You make it sound like I dont appreciate them. I do and have said such. I dont need to justify to you or anyone else how I show appreciation. But why is it always lots of money? Why is it expected to get a huge amount from the class? It's the expectation that upsets me. Because I go without so I can give anything. And then I hear it is "mortifying" to open a gift that is less than expected.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 5:22 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
You make it sound like I dont appreciate them. I do and have said such. I dont need to justify to you or anyone else how I show appreciation. But why is it always lots of money? Why is it expected to get a huge amount from the class? It's the expectation that upsets me. Because I go without so I can give anything. And then I hear it is "mortifying" to open a gift that is less than expected.


I didn't ask for justification and I'm not making it seem like you don't appreciate teachers. I was just saying my point of view. If a teacher gets $50 combined from a class of 28, it means that it's under $2 each kid, a joke. Rather give a $50 gift.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 5:27 pm
Wow this thread really spiraled! I started it not to say that teachers don’t deserve gratitude and respect. Of course they do! I was specifically upset about parents collecting money and calling other mothers many times causing embarrassment and stress. It’s the way it’s done and the expectation that everyone has the means to give money. I’m all for well written cards and small tokens of appreciation.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 6:41 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Wow this thread really spiraled! I started it not to say that teachers don’t deserve gratitude and respect. Of course they do! I was specifically upset about parents collecting money and calling other mothers many times causing embarrassment and stress. It’s the way it’s done and the expectation that everyone has the means to give money. I’m all for well written cards and small tokens of appreciation.

I like the way it was done in my sons school. There was an email from the PTA for however much they were collecting. For the mom who was collecting separate from that, she posted once in the class chat, with instructions how to pay, and you could give whatever you want.
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amother




Beige
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 7:06 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
That is from the boss, Or from people who want your business next year. Not from clients (parents).
2 different things. The principal should take it out of his salary if it was a holiday or end of year gift.


Precisely. If the school is so insistent on showing hakaras hatov, let them extend themselves. In most jobs its the boss who extends bonuses and gifts to their workers. The boss doesn't go around to the clients asking them to give gifts to their workers. That's up to the clients if they do or don't want to.
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amother




Babypink
 

Post Thu, Dec 10 2020, 7:46 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
I didn't ask for justification and I'm not making it seem like you don't appreciate teachers. I was just saying my point of view. If a teacher gets $50 combined from a class of 28, it means that it's under $2 each kid, a joke. Rather give a $50 gift.


Lol! I’m the culprit who said my mother got a 50 dollar gift. I didn’t mean to run this thread off on a tangent! But I see there are some who agree with me.
I was sure there’s gonna be different opinions on this. 2 Jews, 3 opinions! Fact is, my mother was mortified. Like others said, she’d rather get a cookbook worth 35 dollars than 50 cash.
This is NOT about the money. Bh she does not need that 50 dollar tip to make shabbos. But for teacher appreciation, to give a measly 50 bucks is making fun of the concept of giving a gift to show appreciation.

Take it or leave it!
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