How does your dh hold challah on shabbos?

amother

Sun, Dec 13 2020, 8:08 pm

When your dh says the bracha and lifts the challah, how does he hold the loaf on Friday night and Shabbos day? I heard that you're supposed to hold the loaf on bottom on Friday night and loaf on top on Shabbos day. Is this what you do? Is it halacha or is it just a minhag? And minhag by which groups?

amother

Ginger

Sun, Dec 13 2020, 8:22 pm

Friday night he holds the loaf we are cutting on bottom. Its Zecher to the mun that fell double portion on Friday. The first portion that fell was for Friday, then another portion for shabbos day fell on top of the first one so the Friday portion was on bottom.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Dec 13 2020, 9:55 pm

Pretty sure DH on Friday night holds the one we're going to cut on the right higher than the one on the left.

Shabbos day he holds them at the same height.

Lubavitch

Ellie7

Sun, Dec 13 2020, 10:09 pm

I make motzei on Shabbos and that’s what I do—loaf we’re going to use on the bottom fri night and on top Shabbos day.

I don’t know if it’s Halacha or minhag, though.

imanotmommy

Sun, Dec 13 2020, 11:31 pm

Mechaber - says to put the loaf on the bottom. Rema - only Friday night you do that way. The reason is kabalistic. Taz- when the bracha is on the bottom, it should stick out toward you so that you don't "skip over" the top loaf to reach the bottom line.

Teomima

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 3:06 am

A little off topic, but was the point of the original question about how the challahs are held in your household, or specifically about how husbands do it? I ask because I find the phrasing of the OP a little presumptive, distracting (from what I think the point of the question is supposed to be) and, frankly, irritating. Not every household has a man. Even for those that do, not everyone holds that he's the one to do motzi.

If your question was how the person who does motzi in your house holds the challahs, then in our case the answer is we do nothing special, just hold them together.

amother

Blush

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 4:10 am

Teomima wrote:

I'm very curious about this. Let's assume there is a husband in the house. Can the wife, or an older dd, say hamotzi for everyone? Instead of the husband?

Teomima

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 4:59 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

I'm very curious about this. Let's assume there is a husband in the house. Can the wife, or an older dd, say hamotzi for everyone? Instead of the husband?

I learned that any mitzvah a woman is equally obligated to, she can do. The issue arises with modesty etc. Obviously not everyone holds by this, but there are many that do hold that because a woman is equally obligated to hear/say hamotzi, she may do it for others, though possibly preferably no men other than her husband.

amother

Blush

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 6:23 am

Teomima wrote:

That is fascinating. We don't hold by the 'women can not even speak publicly in front of men' so that would not be an issue if there are guests.

amother

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 10:03 am

Teomima wrote:

I'm a bit surprised that an innocent question could cause such a reaction. We're BT and don't know. If you make the bracha on challah then the question is for you as well.
You could say that about any question someone asks. If I asked how does dh change the tire, would that be upsetting if some women here do it? Or if I asked how do you make chicken and some women's dh cooks dinner would that be offensive?

tichellady

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 10:05 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

I'm very curious about this. Let's assume there is a husband in the house. Can the wife, or an older dd, say hamotzi for everyone? Instead of the husband?

Yes of course and this is common in modern orthodox houses

amother

Ivory

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 10:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The reaction was perfectly reasonable and polite. Perhaps she thought if you don't know which challah to cut first, you might also not realize that women can make hamotzi for others. You may choose not to do it (in our house dh makes hamotzi for everyone) but it's worth knowing the halacha.

Teomima

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 1:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I never said your question was upsetting or offensive. But yes I'd be bothered if someone phrased a question about changing a tire with the assumption that my husband were the one to do it. It perpetuates the stigma that that's man's job and as a strong, capable, independent woman who has changed tires on my own, it would bother me. Just like it bothered me when I went to the hardware store to buy myself a power tool and the clerk asked me what my husband told me to buy. My husband, by the way, has no clue how to change a tire and couldn't tell a jigsaw from a router to save his life.

funkyfrummom

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 6:40 pm

Single mom of 2 teens here. Usually with just one of them home on Shabbos.

We always have too much challah. Typically 1 small loaf, and 2 bokeles/rolls. We don't put one on top of the other, though have seen this.

When I lift them I put the bottoms of them touching each other and hold them on the outside (left and right).

We also mark the one that is to be cut with a knife before starting.

My kids both like to put their hand on top of my hand, sometimes when I am marking with the knife, other times when I lift them.

Listeners say their own hamotzi on their piece. I have been a guest at homes and observed this is far from universal.

We also leave challah on the table between Fri night meal and Sat meal, covered, and we try to have some on the table all the time even when the board is removed for space (this is when we have guests and space is tight).

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I am interested in learning about the kabalistic reason mentioned by a previous poster. If anyone can give the source or more information I would be appreciative.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Dec 14 2020, 8:56 pm

funkyfrummom wrote:

Single mom of 2 teens here. Usually with just one of them home on Shabbos.

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I am interested in learning about the kabalistic reason mentioned by a previous poster. If anyone can give the source or more information I would be appreciative.

Don't shoot the messenger - this is what DH said was taught in the Semichas Chaver Program this summer:

Friday night is the female side of Shabbos so we - Klal Yisroel - are "penetrating" Shabbos, so it is on the bottom - and we eat the bottom challah. Shabbos day is the male side of Shabbos so it is on top, and we eat the top challah.