Hitching Boys | Imamother

keym

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 11:38 am

This is a general question for mothers.
My boys are getting close to Mesivta age so it got me thinking.
Do your boys hitch?
Do you encourage them to hitch?
Do you actively discourage them from hitching? How?
Are your boys on Mesivta on Cross or other dangerous non sidewalk roads.
I drive down cross sometimes at 7:30 in the morning and it's terrifying. And I just wonder do these mothers know or care?

sky

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 11:43 am

I don’t allow my son to hitch.

This means I drive at least 1 time a day, many times more bec there is no one to carpool with and the bussing in his mesivta is horrible.

Some mesivtas have more a hitching mentality. BH in my sons Yeshiva no one hitches. It helps that they are not allowed to go into stores during Yeshiva hours so not running around during lunch or breaks.

In his Yeshiva I find many parents use lakeway or other taxi services if they can’t drive so there are options for parents.

I always feel sad and scared for the boys I see hitching on Lakewood roads.

keym

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 12:58 pm

I understand the need.
A boy misses his bus, or doesn't have transportation or something.
I don't allow my boys to hitch.
But they're still younger.
So I'd love to hear from mothers. Do you allow hitching or walking down Cross or other streets with no sidewalks?

amother

Blue

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 1:04 pm

Not hitching, but I was at tcs last week picking up food, and a group of boys from a yeshiva on cross street walked over to get boxes. They were running across the street in the dark carrying boxes, no reflectors.. I’m wondering if these parents assume their kids have more supervision. Obviously Hashem is giving these boys a special shemira, because it is truly a wonder that there are not more tragedies.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 1:27 pm

I think it’s important to be realistic. Teenage boys are....teenage boys. If they aren’t hitching to and from yeshiva they are hitching to lunch or the grocery or somewhere else during bein hasidorim. Telling your son he’s forbidden to hitch when you know he’s doing it anyway is counterproductive. It will cause him to lie. I’d rather tell my son that I’m always available when he needs me to take him or pick him up. And the once or twice during the year when he just walks in the door and he tells me he got a ride with his Rebbi to point A and he hitched the remainder I will be okay I will not freak out I am happy he can be honest with me and tell me the truth.

amother

Pink

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:07 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

Teenage boys are teenage boys, but some things should be absolute no nos. The school should forbid it.
Would the school allow them to show up to class with a cool Tshirt or the latest Nike shoes? No, it's forbidden, and the school manages to uphold this rule even though teenage boys like to look cool.

It's all in the mentality. The school turns a blind eye to things lower down on their list of priorities. If you ask me, venishmartem should be much higher than what running shoes they wear.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:22 pm

Some schools encourage it some do not. If your boys school can not teach "English" but has a 2+ hour brake for lunch (and the food is not so good) What do you expect him to do in his free time

amother

cornflower

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 2:48 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

You gave a very extreme example, I’ll move a little closer. What about smoking? Yeshivas forbid it too. Many boys do it anyway.

amother

Pink

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:17 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

You gave a very extreme example, I’ll move a little closer. What about smoking? Yeshivas forbid it too. Many boys do it anyway.

I also think that should be a far bigger issur than type of haircut or shoes.
Any boy caught with cigarettes/smelling of smoke/actually smoking should be suspended on the spot.

keym

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:22 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I also think that should be a far bigger issur than type of haircut or shoes.
Any boy caught with cigarettes/smelling of smoke/actually smoking should be suspended on the spot.

Most boys do e-cigs/vaping nowadays. Much easier to hide

amother

cornflower

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:24 pm

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I also think that should be a far bigger issur than type of haircut or shoes.
Any boy caught with cigarettes/smelling of smoke/actually smoking should be suspended on the spot.

My point in bringing this example is to show that you can tell your teenage son from today till tomorrow that he can’t hitch, but if many of his friends are doing it, it’s hard to be the odd man out. He likely will join. The temptation is too high. He will not tell you that he hitched or will lie to you when asked because you forbade him too.

Chayalle

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:28 pm

Along with the hitching, talk to your sons about safety when walking, crossing, etc...

I just drove along County Line Rd at my lunch break. There is plenty of sidewalk. But just in front of me, a Yeshiva Bachur was walking along the road on the shoulder. Guess he wanted the extra time it would take from the sidewalk to the shoulder, cuz just as I passed him, he ran across the street. Not at a corner, not at a light. I won't post how many accidents occur on County Line Rd, that just past that spot, last year, someone lost their life. I had to slow down as I approached him because of where he was walking, which is not the safest thing to do at the speed allowed on that street, plus cars behind me all had to slow as well.....

Just talk to your sons about safety walking, and how to cross. Tell them to be role models in safety for other boys....

keym

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:28 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

I hear.
But let's start with am.
I frequently drive down Cross between 7:15-8 am. It shocks me how many boys are walking- no shoulders, no sidewalks.
And I ask, do their mothers know? Care? Prefer different?

At what age does it stop being the Parents responsibility to get their child to school safely (bus, car, carpool, car service, Uber)?
I'd love to hear perspective.
Like I said, my boys are entering the Mesivta phase.

purplerose

Wed, Dec 23 2020, 3:46 pm

keym wrote:

It stops being our responsibility to get them to school when they are complete independent adults and no longer our responsibility. Until then it is our responsibility. As long as you house your kids and pay for their schooling, why would you not be responsible to get them to school?