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Do your kids know that you're on imamother?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

OP

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:31 pm

I got soo soo angry at one of my kids now,He came into my room to tell me good night and he saw me holding my phone and peeked in . saw that I was on imamother, and he announced loudly that he knows long that I'm on here. I'm just soo mad and cannot get over this madness. I was in my room airing out and spacing out from my overwhelmed day . I m just so upset that he came to me so close to check who I'm chatting with . I found it to be so chutzpa, firstly because it was in my room and its private . 2nd kids dont belong to check into a mothers phone. And overall he found out about imamother. I'm just so angry , almost in tears . This was to a private thing I kept to myself. I feel I dont have any space of privacy in my house . Dont have where to hide . Wherever I am , the kids are there to catch me . I'm not looking to hide a lot, and nothing suspicious, just its understandable that a parent needs some privacy to herself. I acted out maybe with too much motion and yelled at him . I'm just too upset that he came looking into my phone checking what I'm doing . Am I overreacting ? And do any of your kids know that you have this site? I'm red like a tomato from anger and just wanna cry.

24

giselle

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:33 pm

Why would it be a secret that you go on imamother?

21

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:34 pm

Oysh I’m sorry OP! It does sound like an overreaction though..

15

amother

Lilac

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:45 pm

Of course my kids know. I always quote from here. It’s a joke that I get all my info from here. You gotta figure out why you are so triggered. Hugs

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amother

Black

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:46 pm

The grammatically correct way would be to say:
Do your kids not does your kids

1

5

amother

Apricot

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:48 pm

amother [ Black ] wrote:

The grammatically correct way would be to say:
Do your kids not does your kids

How relevant. Can't Believe It

Can't Believe It

20

dankbar

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:49 pm

Lock your room if you need privacy, space & secrecy.

14

amother

Lime

Thu, Dec 24 2020, 11:50 pm

I would be upset too!
Nobody can stroll into my bedroom and if they did by mistake they shouldn’t be snooping in my phone.
When I go to my room I often lock the door

1

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 12:09 am

My kids ask me if what I learned here today, and I often share much of what I learn. (FYI, I don’t share any intimacy threads or information. But did show them the Amudim sweeping under the rug, humor posts, COVID information or ask them their take on different things- they are older than some of you). My children will often ask me what I am doing. I do not have any problem with it at all and don’t find it chutzpdick. I am very content with our relationship. I am sure some of you will now scream about boundaries, but different things work for different families.

3

Bubby6

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 12:13 am

If we hide things from kids, I believe they will learn to hide things from us. Dangerous behavior. We can have private time and place but don't be secretive!

8

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 12:20 am

Op, I’m with you. I wouldn’t want my kids to know I’m on it. I really try to take long breaks and not be on it, because it’s not something I’m really comfortable with.
It’s a yetzer Hara for me and I really do try to keep away, so I get what you feel like.

1

1

amother

Wheat

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 12:46 am

My teens have internet access and their own phones and even if they knew what imamother was it's the last thing that would interest them.

I do think a mom deserves privacy. Put a password on your phone. Don't make the screen visible (sit in a way that passersby can't see it). Don't make a big fuss of it, of course. But the phone is your private sphere.

In any case, I would have laughed off the teen. Don't make a big deal and he won't either. Just say, yeah I'm on imamother once in a while. Even add a joke - it's the best place for the yentas to hang out or something. I can't imagine what's embarrassing about being here once in a while.

6

amother

OP

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 2:27 am

[quote="amother [ Black ]"]The grammatically correct way would be to say:
Do your kids not does your

Thanks! I'll correct. Mistake

1

amother

OP

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 2:53 am

To me it's not exciting to share this with my kids since I know that I vent most of my issues here, and they dont have to know . Another reason is that I'm anonymous here and kids can go discuss with friends . Not saying he would, but I never know . I actually mentioned to him that its private and it's not something to go to cheider to discuss. Hope I didn't sound like its something suspicious cause I did really overreacted, and am already feeling mom guilt inside of me . I know I should've handled it better, it was just before he went to sleep. I should really go to him then, and put the phone down for a few minutes. (Yes I'm terribly addicted to this site . Another problem) I'm still upset that he found out. I'm just thinking what I can tell him in the morning that he shouldn't stay left with feeling even more curious like
"what can this site be that mommy is acting out in such a way "
Can anyone tell me how they would go over the next day to ds to just end well this topic? or should I let it go which I feel would be unfair to the child . I lost myself and lashed out at him . after I gave some more thought to it, I felt I was wrong as well.
1) For yelling , and 2)not be there fully to tell him good night . I feel terrible!

4

1

amother

Wheat

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 3:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Can anyone tell me how they would go over the next day to ds to just end well this topic? or should I let it go which I feel would be unfair to the child . I lost myself and lashed out at him . after I gave some more thought to it, I felt I was wrong as well.
1) For yelling , and 2)not be there fully to tell him good night . I feel terrible!

Just downplay it in the morning.
'Sorry I was stressed out last night, guess I was tired and need to rest more.'
And that's it.
No need to mention imamother again. I doubt your son will mention it in cheder, and even if he does, so what? So his mom sometimes reads a forum for frum Jewish women? I don't think it's some hot piece of gossip that will interest his friends or teachers.

15

amother

Crimson

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 5:58 am

I’ll be honest and say that I spend too much time here and I’m not proud of it.
I don’t want my kids to see me doing something I’m not proud of.
It’s not a bad thing per say, it’s just me wasting time with many other women who are wasting time too. There are some things I read that are really not appropriate and I certainly wouldn’t want my kids to know what I was reading if it wasn’t okay to begin with.
I had an incident with my son once and came on here to vent and get advice. This son was a preteen at the time and very tech savvy. He asked me if he could check up something on my phone (which is always locked). I was standing next to him as I never allow my kids to use my phone unsupervised. Sure enough he opens safari and right in front of him is imamother with the issue we were just dealing with. He laughed in disbelief and made fun that I came here and wrote about his issue. I lied and said I didn’t write it but I was reading something that someone else wrote and I wanted to get advice. From then on when he sees me engrossed in my phone he comments that I’m probably on imamother writing about him. (He IS my most challenging child!)
My other kids have peeked over my shoulder and asked me what this website is and why I’m always on.... I told them I get a lot of recipes here and other interesting information.
I know I have to limit myself which is precisely why I feel upset when my kids comment that I’m on here. It’s because many times I know I really shouldn’t be.

6

Success10

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 6:26 am

My 6yo son thinks that imamother is work. He thinks the amount of orange stars on top of my name equals how much work I've done. And he thinks that when I fill up all 6 stars, I'm done with work! Smile

Smile

17

imasinger

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 6:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

To me it's not exciting to share this with my kids since I know that I vent most of my issues here, and they dont have to know . Another reason is that I'm anonymous here and kids can go discuss with friends . Not saying he would, but I never know . I actually mentioned to him that its private and it's not something to go to cheider to discuss. Hope I didn't sound like its something suspicious cause I did really overreacted, and am already feeling mom guilt inside of me . I know I should've handled it better, it was just before he went to sleep. I should really go to him then, and put the phone down for a few minutes. (Yes I'm terribly addicted to this site . Another problem) I'm still upset that he found out. I'm just thinking what I can tell him in the morning that he shouldn't stay left with feeling even more curious like
"what can this site be that mommy is acting out in such a way "
Can anyone tell me how they would go over the next day to ds to just end well this topic? or should I let it go which I feel would be unfair to the child . I lost myself and lashed out at him . after I gave some more thought to it, I felt I was wrong as well.
1) For yelling , and 2)not be there fully to tell him good night . I feel terrible!

OK.

So it sounds like you didn't want DS seeing or talking about imamother because it's kind of your therapy substitute, and you're concerned about your privacy.

I agree, just say, "I'm sorry I overreacted, I wasn't in a good mood, but I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I should have come to say good night." And let it go.

It would probably be helpful to think about your own young years, and whether you weren't given enough emotional space by parents, and/or what privacy meant to your parents for themselves. Understanding why this was a hot button topic for you will help you deal better with it in the future, because the issue of privacy is likely to come up again.

If you and DS have a good, open relationship, you can also discuss the general topic of privacy further -- what does it mean to you, what does it mean to him, when should family give each other privacy, and when should family share? It's important for teens to have their space, but also to know that some secrets are too big, and need help from a trusted adult. All older kids should have at least a couple of safe people to turn to.

You sound like a good and caring mother.

(Personal note: It took me a bit to figure out the big deal to you on the comment -- my kids know about the board, and when they comment about my being on it, I'm not bothered. But that's because I almost never post anything too personal. Although once in a while when I have, I've benefited, I've also been terribly hurt by people who either didn't understand a problem, or who hit me when I was down. So I come here more to offer advice and perspective than to look for it, and therefore, could care less if my kids see me on it.)

8

amother

OP

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 7:01 am

Delete

giselle

Fri, Dec 25 2020, 7:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Btw ds isnt preteen, He is 10 1/2 if that helps.

That’s preteen...

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