List of things a 5 year old can do when angry

amother

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 10:52 pm

I'm hoping to make a list for my 5 year old ds.

It would include things that are acceptable to do when he's angry or gets a "no" and things that are not acceptable.

(He doesn't read yet, but that we can work around)

He's very sweet B"H but also very stubborn and reacts very strongly and very disrespectfully when he gets angry or frustrated or when he receives a "no".

I'm hoping to make a list both:
for me - so I am clear on what is acceptable release of emotions and what is crossing the line into unacceptable (I feel pretty clear but I'd love to see people's responses)
and
for him - so we can give him options - so he can know that yes, he's allowed to be upset and allowed to demonstrate it by doing x but not by doing y.

I would be very interested if people could respond. Would love to see your thoughts. Please no bashing. I would appreciate kind and helpful responses only, no criticism of my parenting etc...

Thank you!

amother

Navy

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 11:00 pm

He can get fewer no and more yes, later. Yes, after supper. Yes, next week.

He should also be allowed his feelings, a 5 year old is capable of having developed enough emotional regulation (through your modeling of it) that the below shouldn't really be necessary. My stubborn 3y old barely needs any of these.

Throw his body into the couch
Be wrapped like a burrito into a blanket and hold him tight
Throw pillows
Swing or hammock
Color his feelings with crayons

amother

Pewter

Sat, Dec 26 2020, 11:12 pm

I work with kids on emotional regulation:
I would make a designated area for him if possible that is relaxing and away from everyone else (in his room if possible)
You can set up a little beanbag or mini recliner.
There is an amazing emotional regulation board available on amazon- there are feelings that he can choose and I believe an emotional thermometer where he can rate his feelings- I've created my own boards to work with kids- if you don't want to purchase it you can definitely make your own.

You can also have drawings of boys with blank faces...
if he's calm enough, or after he has calmed down, he can draw in the empty face what he feels, with your help he can write the feeling on the body of the boy....
eventually I teach kids about intensity and they rate their feelings on a scale of one to ten...but you can do all these ideas slowly...first basic feelings...then intensity etc.

Eventually you can teach him how his own body feels when he's dysregulated and he can gain self-awareness with that too (clenching teeth, rapid heartbeat, clenched fists, tense muscles...each kid is different and it's amazing that when they tune in, they can really describe how it feels for them)

You can brainstorm with him (make a paper and draw ten balloons/hearts whatever and each balloon gets a different idea- you can hang up the paper).
You can put all the supplies you need into a box with a lid that gets taken out when necessary.

Some ideas:
blow through a straw
Make bubbles into a drink with his straw (I don't know if you'll allow that in his room, if he's calm enough he can do that in the kitchen)
blow up balloons and then pop them
blow bubbles
hand cream (if he finds that relaxing)
soft puppets
stuffed animals
soft pillow
silly putty
crayons/markers/coloring book

You can also take him to an amazing savings type of store and let him roam and see which items he feels will relax him...if he knows what he's searching for and buying, and then he's putting it in the box...he will feel empowered over using his "calm-down" toys....

At the same time, you can also set up boundaries for him for when he's dysregulated (no hurting Mommy, no hurting siblings, no damaging anything etc.)

Hatzlacha, hope this was helpful, you can pm me if you have any specific questions...

amother

Salmon

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 12:39 am

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

My son is 8 and struggles with emotional disregulation. Very difficult. Throws things when angry and says horrible things. I need to hold him down sometimes and that makes him more upset but he's out of control. Now when he gets upset I try to get him to go to the basement to cool down. Very hard for siblings but he's suffering too ultimately.

This describes my 6 year old to a tee. It's like he's totally not in control. There's noone to talk to. The only thing I can do is pick him up and take him into his room and let him kick and scream until he's spent. I sit on the floor in his room with my back against the door to make sure he stays there. I keep thinking what's going to happen when he becomes to heavy for me to carry him. Because thee's no other way for me to get him away from everyone and everything.

amother

Ecru

Sun, Dec 27 2020, 2:09 am

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

My 5 yr old gets like this when he's angry. He will start to throw things or hit etc...so I have to put him in his room to cry it out ...I cant reason with him...its very very challenging ....but its especially hard because he also gets very angry when he tries to do something and cant succeed, so I tell him to call me and ask for help instead of getting angry, but he'll ignore me and keep trying with out succeeding making him cry louder and get more angry....its very challenging for me...my other children were not like this......