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(Covid) I hope parents will stop long term grounding
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:19 am
I don't know how common this is in other communities since my parents were OOT and completely secular, but both me and one sibling were separately grounded (can't leave the house) all summer (separate years too, so we weren't even home together) by my super-controlling selfish "mother". I believe that my depression is a direct result of that.

I do believe that it is fine to punish kids by grounding them for a weekend or making them miss a party, but long-term grounding is very harmful to their social and mental health, and I'm hoping that because of Corona, parents who would have considered grounding their kids long-term will re-consider.

PSA: please remember to put your teens' best interests above your desire to control them.
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amother




Navy
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:39 am
I think teens are too old to punish, definitely too old to ground.
I am fifty plus and in my day there was still grounding. It was always detrimental. The teen who was grounded either snuck out, or did something very rebellious the moment they could, as 'revenge'.
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amother




Teal
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:57 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't know how common this is in other communities since my parents were OOT and completely secular, but both me and one sibling were separately grounded (can't leave the house) all summer (separate years too, so we weren't even home together) by my super-controlling selfish "mother". I believe that my depression is a direct result of that.

I do believe that it is fine to punish kids by grounding them for a weekend or making them miss a party, but long-term grounding is very harmful to their social and mental health, and I'm hoping that because of Corona, parents who would have considered grounding their kids long-term will re-consider.

PSA: please remember to put your teens' best interests above your desire to control them.

Hug
All summer???
That's terrible! I'm so sorry.
We used to be grounded for a week at most. Usually 3 days and we hated it.

The endless lockdown made me feel like I was being grounded again. I haven't been in the best place mentally since.

I cannot imagine doing that to a kid as punishment.
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cuffs




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:00 am
I'm so sorry that is horrible Hug
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amother




Wine
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:23 am
Lol. I "grpund" my kids for 5 min or till the can "recompose" themselves. 3 days is a lot. A weekend it a lot. (My kids r 6 and 7. But still.
An ENTIRE SUMMER is unfathomable. I'm so sorry.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:26 am
I don't have any problem with grounding in principle, but a whole summer?

What did you do to deserve that? Unless it was something truly awful, that punishment sounds disproportionate to the crime.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:40 am
DrMom wrote:
I don't have any problem with grounding in principle, but a whole summer?

What did you do to deserve that? Unless it was something truly awful, that punishment sounds disproportionate to the crime.


So it was actually all summer vacation from school, not all summer, but still.

My sibling was grounded for lying to my mother (about something naughty but not illegal or dangerous). It just pissed my mother off because she was super controlling and thought she deserved never to be lied to.

I wasn't technically grounded from leaving the house, but we were in the suburbs, there was no public transportation and I didn't have a driver's license, and it was a new town we just moved to so I didn't know anyone there, so basically I was grounded. The only places I could go in walking distance we're the library and the convieence store. I consider it a punishment and not just unfortunate circumstances because I could have gotten a job at a sleep away camp, and I had a relative who offered to let me stay summer by them, but mother didn't let because she wouldn't have been able to control my every move 🙄

Hopefully people will realize how harmful this is to mental health and not do it to their kids. I never drank or kissed a boy until I was 18, but honestly I think a 16/17 year old would be better off drinking a beer or two or kissing opposite gender than they would be grounded all summer.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:56 am
If the government makes a lock down then parents have no choice and shouldn't feel guilty, but the point of the post was that with everyone talking about how damaging the government mandated lockdowns are for mental health, hopefully parents will realize they shouldn't choose to punish their children in a way that causes such mental health damage.
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amother




White
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:33 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So it was actually all summer vacation from school, not all summer, but still.

My sibling was grounded for lying to my mother (about something naughty but not illegal or dangerous). It just pissed my mother off because she was super controlling and thought she deserved never to be lied to.

I wasn't technically grounded from leaving the house, but we were in the suburbs, there was no public transportation and I didn't have a driver's license, and it was a new town we just moved to so I didn't know anyone there, so basically I was grounded. The only places I could go in walking distance we're the library and the convieence store. I consider it a punishment and not just unfortunate circumstances because I could have gotten a job at a sleep away camp, and I had a relative who offered to let me stay summer by them, but mother didn't let because she wouldn't have been able to control my every move 🙄

Hopefully people will realize how harmful this is to mental health and not do it to their kids. I never drank or kissed a boy until I was 18, but honestly I think a 16/17 year old would be better off drinking a beer or two or kissing opposite gender than they would be grounded all summer.


I think your perspective is skewed.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:39 am
Wait so your mother didn't ground you, she just made you live at home?
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:44 am
causemommysaid wrote:
Wait so your mother didn't ground you, she just made you live at home?


You could put it like that, but if you're parents were scientists who went to Antarctica for the summer and made you go along, and you couldn't leave the house, you could also say "wasn't technically grounding, just made you live with them".

It would have been different if it were a town I had friends in, or if there was public transportation or if I had had a driver's license and a car (mother wouldn't let). But like I explained, it was grounding plus being allowed to go to the library and the convience store.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:48 am
amother [ White ] wrote:
I think your perspective is skewed.


How so? You think it would be worse for a teen to kiss or drink a little than to be stuck home all summer?

The kids I knew who kissed or drank a little turned into healthy adults who look back and grin sheepishly and say "I gave my parents a hard time". The ones who weren't allowed to do anything and spent their free time sleeping, turn into adults with depression or other mental health problems who look back and say "My parents were terrible parents"
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amother




White
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How so? You think it would be worse for a teen to kiss or drink a little than to be stuck home all summer?

The kids I knew who kissed or drank a little turned into healthy adults who look back and grin sheepishly and say "I gave my parents a hard time". The ones who weren't allowed to do anything and spent their free time sleeping, turn into adults with depression or other mental health problems who look back and say "My parents were terrible parents"


If you feel your parents were terrible you need to seek therapy so you can learn to leave the past behind and sort through these issues. Blanket statements like kids who drink or fool around with boys is better or worse than being punished be your parents don’t make sense

You owe it to yourself to try to heal these old wounds
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:

The kids I knew who kissed or drank a little turned into healthy adults who look back and grin sheepishly and say "I gave my parents a hard time". The ones who weren't allowed to do anything and spent their free time sleeping, turn into adults with depression or other mental health problems who look back and say "My parents were terrible parents"


This!!!

*cries*
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:04 am
amother [ White ] wrote:
If you feel your parents were terrible you need to seek therapy so you can learn to leave the past behind and sort through these issues. Blanket statements like kids who drink or fool around with boys is better or worse than being punished be your parents don’t make sense

You owe it to yourself to try to heal these old wounds


Not punished by your parents. Normal punishments are being grounded for a weekend or being grounded from parties only. The point of this post is that not being able to leave the house (or leave but only to the grocery store) for a long period of time is very damaging and no parent should choose to make their child do it.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:20 am
sequoia wrote:
This!!!

*cries*


Hi Sequoia,

Not to sound like a stalker but I remember that you moved countries. I also moved countries and people ask me all the time "don't you miss your parents?"
And I'm like "Nope!"

Another thing people tell me is "you're so brave" (for moving countries). And I never thought of myself as brave, just that I was finally fulfilling an escape fantasy that I had since mid childhood.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 9:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Not punished by your parents. Normal punishments are being grounded for a weekend or being grounded from parties only. The point of this post is that not being able to leave the house (or leave but only to the grocery store) for a long period of time is very damaging and no parent should choose to make their child do it.

I think that people that went through this type of treatment as children , feel extremely triggered during lockdown /Covid since they are reliving that trauma all over again. I’m not so sure that children in otherwise healthy households feel the same constricting feeling as those that experienced control, abuse and being locked up either physically or emotionally by their parents.
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amother




Black
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:13 am
Op, it sounds to me like you would benefit from therapy.
I do not have your parents or life, and I am having a hard time understanding you and your perspective. Please get yourself someone to speak to, someone who understands you and can help you with your issues.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:28 am
I don’t understand. Your mother was “super controlling” because she believed that she deserved the truth from your sister? Unless there’s more to that, you are wrong. Granted, being grounded for an entire summer is overkill, but you don’t think parents deserve honesty from their kids? Parents who expect honesty are being “super controlling”?
As for your situation, we’re you actually punished, or was it just a result of circumstances? My car had a flat and I couldn’t take one of my kids on an errand as promised. Was that child punished, or was it just a result of circumstances? If you moved at a time that was very inopportune for you, you weren’t being punished, it was just a result of the current circumstances. I didn’t know parents had to run it by their kids to decide when was the best time to move. With multiple kids, I don’t think it’s ever going to be a good time for everyone.
If I am completely misunderstanding, please enlighten me.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:00 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
I don’t understand. Your mother was “super controlling” because she believed that she deserved the truth from your sister? Unless there’s more to that, you are wrong. Granted, being grounded for an entire summer is overkill, but you don’t think parents deserve honesty from their kids? Parents who expect honesty are being “super controlling”?
As for your situation, we’re you actually punished, or was it just a result of circumstances? My car had a flat and I couldn’t take one of my kids on an errand as promised. Was that child punished, or was it just a result of circumstances? If you moved at a time that was very inopportune for you, you weren’t being punished, it was just a result of the current circumstances. I didn’t know parents had to run it by their kids to decide when was the best time to move. With multiple kids, I don’t think it’s ever going to be a good time for everyone.
If I am completely misunderstanding, please enlighten me.


You're misunderstanding. For lying, grounding for a weekend would be normal. Grounding all summer is something that will likely damage a teen so it's super controlling because it's preferring to damage your child than allow them to lie to you.

It would have been just bad circumstance for me IF I didn't have the option of getting a job at a summer camp or of going to a relative's for the summer, but those were both free, safe options that my mother refused because she didn't want to relinquish complete control over me
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