I just feel awful. My entire hair showing out

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:50 am

My teen son comes into my bedroom sometimes in the morning before he leaves to yashiva if he needs something from me, or is looking for something. Usually he knocks on my door, but I have to teach him that in the mornings he should do the same which I will bring up later to him . So today when he came into my room my entire hair was exposed to him and my snood was all down . I still feel horrible. I'm not comfortable my teen son should see my entire hair showing. Did anyone ever had such an incident? Or do you even care if your big son saw you like that? I do care and it bothers me that this happened.
From now on my door will have to be locked in the morning as well. Just my big boys wake up before me since they leave early, and sometimes it will come up that they need something. But I definitely need to make clear that knocking on the door has to be . I just wonder if I was oiver on this that my hair was all shown and he saw me like this. I know it depends on the culture which your used to . For us if most of hair showing is not acceptable. I dont think my son gave much thought to it , but I feel it was a certain exposure which I wouldn't want him to see. He does see hairs from my sides sticking out I assume during the day but it's still very different than see an entire pony tail. I'm wondering how wrong it is (were heimish) For me it's very uncomfortable. I dont think their is much I can do about it, just to be careful from now on to not leave my door unlocked . I would be happy if someone makes me feel that it wasnt end of the world. And should I call a ruv to discuss this or it's not relevant?

amother

Babypink

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:52 am

It's not assur for your son to see your hair.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:53 am

lock your door.
why are kids coming into your room without permission.

amother

Tan

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:56 am

Yes my kids see all my hair pretty often. I don’t see the problem.

amother

Puce

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:02 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He does see hairs from my sides sticking out I assume during the day but it's still very different than see an entire pony tail. I'm wondering how wrong it is (were heimish) For me it's very uncomfortable. I dont think their is much I can do about it, just to be careful from now on to not leave my door unlocked . I would be happy if someone makes me feel that it wasnt end of the world. And should I call a ruv to discuss this or it's not relevant?

Not sure if you should call the ruv or the rav.

essie14

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:06 am

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son seeing your hair.
Your comfort level is a different story and a child should never enter the parents room without knocking.
If he is a teen he should be able to follow this.

giselle

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:06 am

Heimish people have the same halachos as non heimish people. I understand you’re uncomfortable, but it’s not assur.

Last edited by giselle on Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:45 am; edited 1 time in total

cnc

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:09 am

It’s not assur- although I understand you may be uncomfortable .

amother

Puce

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:10 am

giselle wrote:

Heinous people have the same halachos as non heimish people. I understand you’re uncomfortable, but it’s not assur.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:11 am

OP, its understandable that you feel uncomfortable because this never happened to you before, but there is no actual issur for your child to see your hair. Its an added bit that your community (and many others) keep, but not an actual halacha.

sequoia

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:12 am

giselle wrote:

Heinous people have the same halachos as non heimish people. I understand you’re uncomfortable, but it’s not assur.

Heinous people! LOL

watergirl

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:18 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

This is what happens when we conflate halacha with minhag with feelings/sensitivities. People are not sure if something that happened is assur vs. just made them feel uncomfortable.

OP, you are fine. Moving forward, remind him to knock on the door.

LovesHashem

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:21 am

It's not assur at all. He is your son. Your children may see your hair uncovered.

I understand you are uncomfortable and if you don't want it to happen again then take steps to make sure it won't happen.

Lots of people in yeshivish communities are careful to cover even alone in their own house and in front if their children. Just because that's what most people in the community do doesn't mean it's assur.

amother

Seashell

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:28 am

Think of it this way; he didn’t knock so he could have seen a lot worse. I wouldn’t care if my son saw my hair uncovered but I would care if he same me undressed

Perspective is everything

causemommysaid

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:30 am

With most things in life that are not horrible avairos you just move on and try better in the future. It's not assur. Just a sensitivity. Remind him to knock first and don't overthink it. These things don't deserve the emotional expenditure. Save the agonizing for when you talk lashon harah or embarrass someone or do something wrong on shabbos.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:39 am

The main issue isn't hair covering, it's older children not respecting boundaries.

It doesn't matter her reasons, her older son should NEVER enter her bedroom without knocking and asking permission. That's her boundary and she is entitled to it.

giselle

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:47 am

sequoia wrote:

Heinous people! LOL

And that’s why everyone should have a kosher phone

Notsobusy

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:48 am

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Think of it this way; he didn’t knock so he could have seen a lot worse. I wouldn’t care if my son saw my hair uncovered but I would care if he same me undressed

Perspective is everything

I feel the same as you. That's why I lock ny door when I get undressed but not when I uncover my hair.

Kids have to be taught to always knock when a door is closed. It doesn't matter whose room it is. But we also have to make sure to lock the door when necessary, just in case they forget.

PinkFridge

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:51 am

Notsobusy wrote:

Even if the room's empty, children need permission to enter the room.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:52 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Not sure if you should call the ruv or the rav.

Inappropriate and irrelevant.

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