How much does a wedding cost

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:27 am

HakarasHatov wrote:

Anyone have experience when one side wants to spend a lot more than the other side, do they agree on an amount and split the cost or one side just pays a lot more?

Both sides agreed to a standard and that costs would be split before engagement.
When the other side offered to buy a crystal chandelier if our side chipped in, my mom declined and we didn't get that (or need it). She hadn't done it for any of the other kids and she wasn't going to start upgrading everything because it wasn't just one thing, it would slowly balloon and become unmanageable for finances. Same with alcohol for wedding. We declined. Other side found it important so paid it themselves.

amother

Cyan

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:33 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Fascinating. I got maybe 1/4 wedding gifts as the cost of the wedding. What would the couple do then?

In these circles it is really inappropriate to show up to a wedding without a check. Like better not to go at all then without check.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:35 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

In these circles it is really inappropriate to show up to a wedding without a check. Like better not to go at all then without check.

All my guests gave presents but most gave gifts (from registry) rather than cash. Are gifts not done at all?

amother

Gray

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:35 am

Cheapest wedding in Lakewood in Bais faiga

Hall Rental $2500 (Of Which $1,700 Is paid By The Kallah Side and $800 To Be Paid By The Chosson Side)
Music and Photography $2500
$5,000 Plus Tax Catering Charge
(Kallah’s Side Pays $6,700 and The Chosson’s Side Pays $3,300)

Price Is Based On A Maximum Of 300 Adults & 20 Kids

My wedding OOT was 30k. And not fancy (no flowers, no bar...). Everything is just much more OOT so it’s hard to compare.

Carona did not bring prices down. Venues are more. Catering is more. You pay way more per person overall.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:38 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

In these circles it is really inappropriate to show up to a wedding without a check. Like better not to go at all then without check.

Im sorry but better to not go to the wedding than to come without a gift? I think thats a bit of a stretch.

amother

Gray

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:38 am

HakarasHatov wrote:

Anyone have experience when one side wants to spend a lot more than the other side, do they agree on an amount and split the cost or one side just pays a lot more?

My parents had this with my brother.
Kalkah Family insisted on full florist. Multiple custom backdrops. Custom chuppah. Custom mechitzah. Floral centerpieces. Decorations. In their town it was standard. All my sisters and I had used the hall’s silk flowers so it was really against my parents. But for Shalom they just smiled and paid the bill.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:39 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

All my guests gave presents but most gave gifts (from registry) rather than cash. Are gifts not done at all?

Of course they are but in Israel, money is just done more than actual gifts, thats all.

amother

Gray

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:40 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

All my guests gave presents but most gave gifts (from registry) rather than cash. Are gifts not done at all?

Where I live tons of ppl show up just to wish Mazel tov. I can be invited to a wedding a week. Sometimes 2. I don’t give gifts to all.

HakarasHatov

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:47 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Sorry but this is a ridiculous question. We are of all different backgrounds, communities and parts of the world

My parents BH spent 70k on my very nice bit not over the top at all wedding in the NY area for 200 people, 10 years ago. RW MO

I doubt that answer helps you if you’re making a wedding OOT. Or in Israel. Or Lakewood.

I am planning for the future so as far as I know the wedding could be anywhere. All the feedback helps a lot.

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:59 am

HakarasHatov wrote:

I am planning for the future so as far as I know the wedding could be anywhere. All the feedback helps a lot.

But your background matters! I’m MO. Are you yeshivish? Chassidish? Sefardi?

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 2:12 pm

We bh just made a wedding in bklyn.
We’re the boys side.
Total including everything - was about $60,000.
I used halls flowers for tables but did fresh for behind kallahs chair.
This includes clothing, aufruf, gifts to kallah (bracelet, ring, machzorim, siddur, earings, yichud room necklace) outfitting our family if 10 kah - I also treated myself to a piece of jewelry (which I never did before) this also included my sons ticket back from yeshiva in eretz yisroel.
Everyone will have diff expenses - total everything this is what it cost us.
Yeshivish/ balabatush

amother

Salmon

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 2:19 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Im sorry but better to not go to the wedding than to come without a gift? I think thats a bit of a stretch.

It's cultural. My friend married into a Sephardic NY family, and she said they "needed" to have high end catering, because the guests bring their checkbooks to the wedding, and, based on how nice of a wedding it is, they will decide how much of a check to write out and give....

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 2:25 pm

My mother is well-to-do. She gives a much bigger gift if the family is poor and made a simple wedding.

For lavish weddings my mother just gives standard amount - feels it is wasteful.

amother

Ecru

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 3:14 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

$60000 for just your side? So the whole wedding was $120000?
Or you paid half of $60000?

amother

Ecru

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 3:21 pm

I didn't answer the poll because you have to define what's included in wedding "expenses".
Hall
Caterer( meal and optional shmogersborg)
Alcohol
Band/music
Photographer (and video)
Benchers
Flowers(decor, kalla bouquet, tables?)
Jewelry for kalla and /or candlesticks
Make up artist × #of girls in family
Updoes/hair app ×#of girls in family
Aufruf
Sheva brachos
Clothes×#family members
Setting up chosson/kalla
Travel expenses if you don't live in the same town.
Not sure if I included everything. Feel free to add.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 3:35 pm

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

$60000 for just your side? So the whole wedding was $120000?
Or you paid half of $60000?

$60,000 was for my side - like I said was not just flop and kallah gifts. Was also aufruf and outfitting everyone.

Yes it’s alot of money...

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 4:40 pm

From the day the Kallah gets engaged till the last day of sheva brachos it’s roughly 100k. Includes all presents, furniture, wedding, clothing including for family ..

amother

Rose

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 4:56 pm

Now I'm getting nervous reading these amounts. Where does the money come from if you have no savings?! Bh my dh works but between all the expenses we could never ever afford this.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 5:21 pm

Really puts tuition into perspective! We're paying about $50k annually for tuition for all of our kids together and I don't want to say what kind of struggle that is, can't imagine how people pay that for a single wedding! And after sem, too?

Good thing our Father has deep pockets!