Home

Do kids respect their parents less if they see them nap?
Previous  1, 2, 3
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


honeymoon




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 11:29 am
Our kids see us sleeping, eating, yawning, spilling stuff accidentally, and doing stuff that most healthy human beings do. I never thought it was a problem for kids to know that their parents are humans.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 11:44 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I also noticed that when people complain about their parents, if they are giving a long list of complaints and not just a big one, then something like "napped all the time" will often make the list.

Perhaps there were deeper issues there. For example an alcoholic parent, a parent addicted to pain medication, a parent suffering from depression. To them sleeping on the couch may trigger all the other feelings that went along with an unavailable parent.
But under normal circumstances, it is healthy for children to see the human side of us. If we are tired , it’s good to rest our worn out bodies and sometimes that means conking out on the couch.
Back to top

amother




Magenta
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 11:52 am
I think it may depend on circles.
In a home and cultural where parents are always dressed to go out (while still in their home) and children kiss hands, I expect it would be different than in a home where people walk around in pajamas and snuggle with older children.
Back to top

zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 2:34 pm
IME it was impossible to truly nap on the couch because my dc seemed to believe that if I was in the room and visible, I was "open for business" . No matter how many times I told them that if my eyes are closed and I'm horizontal, it means I'm asleep and DO NOT DISTURB, gornit geholfen. The only way I could be sure of not being disturbed was by going into my room and closing the door. Which unfortunately would involve getting up and dragging myself there.

That being said, I fail to see a connection between visible napping and filial respect, or lack thereof. I would say that when I was visible, the children failed to respect the fact that I was napping (or trying to) and they did respect a closed door. But I don't see where respecting me as their parent has anything to do with the matter. I'm human. I eat, sleep, sneeze, cough, blow my nose, use the bathroom, get tired, thirsty, sweaty, grumpy, hungry, dirty...I didn't rear my children to believe I'm a robot that does none of these things. How could I possibly maintain that sort of fiction, and more important, what would be the point of trying to do so?
Back to top

amother




Olive
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 2:39 pm
Totally fine. Shluf gezunterheit!
Back to top

amother




Mauve
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 3:10 pm
We play Sleeping beuty ,I sleep and my DD makes me beautful. She brushes my hair, nail polish as long as I don't have to open my eyes or talk it is fine with me
Back to top

GLUE




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 3:12 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
We play Sleeping beaity ,I sleep and my DD makes me beauitful. She brushes my hair, nail polish as long as I don't have to open my eyes or talk it is fine with me
Back to top

IsraeliSoul




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 4:03 pm
I think it depends a lot on what the parents are like in general. If they’re lazy, silly or something like that, taking a nap on the couch may emphasize that.

Personally my grandfather is a brilliant man, and he takes occasional naps to “refresh the mind”. So I grew up thinking it’s a thing smart people do.
Back to top

amother




Linen
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 4:14 pm
Op I understand where you’re coming from. My mom used to nap everyday sometimes 2-3 times a day she was emotionally unavailable - she grew up in a dysfunctional home and wld sleep to avoid facing her demons. Whenever I tried to tell her abt my day she wld say I’m so tired I’m just taking a short nap and I wld still be waiting one hour -3 hours later. Now with grandkids in the pic I once told her off to stop sleeping on my couch if she was visiting the grandkids and they were excited to see her. So I can understand...but for myself if I need a nap which is rare.... cuz of above obviously.. I have no problem with the kids seeing me nap.
Back to top

amother




Yellow
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 4:58 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
We play Sleeping beuty ,I sleep and my DD makes me beautful. She brushes my hair, nail polish as long as I don't have to open my eyes or talk it is fine with me


That's so cute! I've done the playing with hair while I sleep, but not nail polish! I sometimes nap Friday nights before the meal, but my kids like to be with me, so I sleep on the couch or if I need to really stretch out then I go to the biggest bedroom, and my kids read or play nearby on the floor.
About the fil who conks out everywhere, that could be sth medical going on. My dh is like that, but now we know he has untreated sleep apnea. Before that I honestly couldn't understand how he could just fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes he'd even have to stop driving because he couldn't keep himself awake. So my kids are obviously used to seeing him napping, I've never thought it has any detrimental effect for them. They know he is tired because he doesn't sleep well at night, and that's it. The only thing that bothered me was when he would fall asleep in the family room and then get upset if someone made a noise. I explained to him that it wasnt fair to make everyone be quiet on a regular afternoon when it's their playtime, so now he does more often go to his bed.
Back to top

ra_mom




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 5:13 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If a parent is going to nap (or sleep during the day because they work night shift, etc), should they be makpid to only sleep in their room with the door closed and kids forbidden to enter?

Or do you think it's okay for a parent to take a nap/sleep on the couch in the living room when kids are home? Or would that be likely to make the kids respect the parent less?

All opinions welcome, especially if you saw your own parents sleeping, how did that influence how you thought of them?

Are you sleeping a lot during the day? Are you unwell, and is that being addressed medically? Did someone say that your children won't respect you?
Back to top

amother




Oak
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 6:09 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

In a home and cultural where parents are always dressed to go out (while still in their home) and children kiss hands


My home. Almost every Friday night I fall asleep on the couch with my tichel, but I don't lay down I stay seated on the couch and rest my head against my arm. When my husband takes a nap or I need to lay down and nap, it would be in our bedroom. I don't close the bedroom door but our children are not allowed to come in ever so that is not an issue.
Back to top

LiLIsraeli




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 6:12 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I also noticed that when people complain about their parents, if they are giving a long list of complaints and not just a big one, then something like "napped all the time" will often make the list.


A parent napping all the time is problematic because it means they aren't available for the children, physically or emotionally. It's not a matter of respect. An occasional nap here and there, or a parent falling asleep because they're more exhausted than usual is totally normal.
Back to top

amother




Aubergine
 

Post Wed, Dec 30 2020, 7:46 pm
My mom didn't work when I was growing up and she's pretty lazy. She honestly should have worked just to get out of the house and do something to feel good about herself and have a reason to get dressed in the morning.

Other than Shabbos I never saw her on the couch. She was either in the kitchen doing what had to be done or in her bed. She relaxed, shmoozed on the phone, read etc in her bed the way a regular person relaxes on the couch. If we didnt see her we went to her room to find her. Looking back it was for sure just an escape from the house but yes she definitely lost respect for the amount of time she spent in her bed.
Back to top

amother




Gold
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 12:08 am
To me, this is like.

Do kids respect their parents less if they see them eating or snacking.

My kids see us nap. My dh is out from 6-7 usually so no time for napping. But on shabbos afternoon or on a holiday he will nap. Usually in his bed. Often a little child who needs a rest will join him.

I am on bed rest sometimes during my pregnancy so I am either laying on the couch or in my bed. My kids come and do homework with me there, read books, just chat, do online shopping on the laptop, and sometimes I doze off with them there next to me doing their thing.

I can’t imagine what the issue is. If my tichel or beanie slides off my kids will gently put it back in place if I am sleeping and don’t realize. It’s very respectful.

When I am not pregnant I am super high energy running around doing a million things so no naps for me usually.
Back to top

amother




Maroon
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 4:11 am
I also understand the question unfortunately. I use to come home from school needing to unwind and speak to someone and my mom was always napping. yes I lost respect for her (she didn't work).

to those that don't understand the question,appreciate it instead of mocking op. as op mentioned she is coming from a home of dysfunction and so have I.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 5:28 am
One of the problems is that with a kid's memory, "napping all the time" could mean anything from several hours all day to 10 times throughout entire childhood but for some reason those memories stuck.

I remember my mom used to want me to cuddle with her until she fell asleep during her naps, up until 4th grade when she knew I'd refuse. It seems to me she was napping a ton, but it's possible it was just once every two weeks but for some reason sticks out to me.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 5:33 am
I think a lot of families have "food issues" (binge eating, or anorexia, or guilt after eating, etc). My family had "sleep issues". It's less common but just in this thread I see I'm not the only one.
Back to top

shanie5




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 10:42 am
amother [ Yellow ] wrote:
That's so cute! I've done the playing with hair while I sleep, but not nail polish! I sometimes nap Friday nights before the meal, but my kids like to be with me, so I sleep on the couch or if I need to really stretch out then I go to the biggest bedroom, and my kids read or play nearby on the floor.
About the fil who conks out everywhere, that could be sth medical going on. My dh is like that, but now we know he has untreated sleep apnea. Before that I honestly couldn't understand how he could just fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes he'd even have to stop driving because he couldn't keep himself awake. So my kids are obviously used to seeing him napping, I've never thought it has any detrimental effect for them. They know he is tired because he doesn't sleep well at night, and that's it. The only thing that bothered me was when he would fall asleep in the family room and then get upset if someone made a noise. I explained to him that it wasnt fair to make everyone be quiet on a regular afternoon when it's their playtime, so now he does more often go to his bed.


Do you realize that untreated sleep apnea can lead to major medical conditions? Including heart disease? Please take this seriously!
Back to top

Fab4




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 31 2020, 11:05 am
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
Sleeping amd needing sleep is not a crime or weakness!
Sleeping enough amd valuing sleep can be a great examples for your kids.

As far as sleeping on the couch. I have never seen my parents do such a thing. Maybe bec we are British. But it just isn’t appropriate to snore on the couch in the centre of the house. Go to bed if you need to sleep


I disagree, British here too. When I'm pregnant or extremely tired I sit on the couch whilst the kids play, do homework etc because I'm downstairs if they need me. They love having their parents close by. If I'd go to my bed it would be like I'm not caring for them as much. Then I'd sometimes nap on the couch, I'd just fall asleep from sickness/sheer exhaustion. I think it's fine.
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3 Recent Topics

Page 3 of 3 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
If your parents are abusive (re: siblings)
by amother
28 Today at 10:04 am View last post
Making seders fun and meaningful for older kids
by amother
9 Yesterday at 7:46 pm View last post
Living near parents
by amother
10 Yesterday at 4:56 pm View last post
Declutterring the kids Knick-knacks
by amother
2 Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:08 pm View last post
Pesach Kashrut & Staying with non-frum parents.
by amother
21 Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:22 pm View last post