Possessive toddler.

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Possessive toddler.

Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 12:01 am

Hi!
My 3 year old is extremely possessive with his toys and I am trying to teach him to share... This morning he wanted to play with my phone and I didn’t allow him to, so he innocently asked me why I can’t share? His little brain is probably thinking: my mommy doesn’t want to share so why do I?
How do I explain this concept to a 3 year old?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:53 am

It sounds like you have a little lawyer on your hands! He's not possessive, he's using logic.

Don't worry about it too much. Your son is just figuring out the rules, and how "yours vs. mine" works. He's also figuring out how "grown-up rules vs. kid's rules" works.

You can tell him that some things are special and not for sharing, and other things are nice to share.

Unless you want to raise him as a communist, let him know that he does not have to share his special things unless he wants to. Everyone should have some things that are theirs alone. (Of course tell him that the toys at gan are for everybody to share.)

I tried to get DD to clean up her room once. She looked around at my room and said "Mama, your room is a big mess. Why do I have to clean up my room?" LOL

I told her she was right. Just leave a clear path from the bed to the door, so that I can get her in case of emergency. If there's a fire CVS, I don't need to be stepping on Lego in my bare feet.

When she got tired of the mess, she would clean up beautifully all on her own, and it would stay that way for at least a month. When I cleaned up, I would make a big deal about how happy it made me to see things looking nice.

DD is 17 now, and far more organized and neat than I am!

avrahamama

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 9:07 am

Your son has a point. Not every thing or every toy needs to be shared. If it's precious to him it's ok not to share. When my son had playdates at that age I told him before hand to put away the toys he did t want to share. It was really only 2 toys. But it gave him a sense of security.

We have certain possessions we wouldn't share and especially not with strangers. If a random person came up to you in a coffee shop and asked to use your computer for a while. You would look at them like they were nuts. So why does a child have to share their toy with a random child at the park? It's ok to teach them to share what they're comfortable sharing and maintain boundaries with what they don't want to share.