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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:00 pm
I was to raise my children frum with strong Yiddishkeit but when I look at the tuition for orthodox day schools in my area which are I think : is it worth it? Debt I mean? I’m worried they won’t learn what they need because of me. My husband is OTD. I’m FFB , went otd and came back a few years ago Peace sign . DH is fine raising them however I want. I couldn’t afford 1 year of preschool . How do others do it ? For multiple children no less . Would public school be so bad ? How could I give them a good Jewish education. - a very stuck and poor ima
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amother




Smokey
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:07 pm
Talk to the school. I never heard of any Jewish school telling a parent to send their kid to public school if they couldn't afford tuition.
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amother




Red
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:12 pm
This is the sad state that the frum community is in right now. Schools need money to operate but many parents (including myself) just don’t have the funds for it. Then we get told not to not have kids based on finances but I can’t afford Jewish school tuition and other expenses even living a very frugal life.

I think where you live plays a big role in how your child will fare in public school. Some public school districts are stellar. Probably better than Jewish schools when it comes to services that may be needed, academics, money, parent involvement, extracurriculars, etc. The children are your normal
American kids. And then there are some public schools where the students don’t even have textbooks. The children come from rough backgrounds and your child may be introduced to things you don’t want them to (which is an issue anywhere, even if they go to frum schools).

So what it boils down to is your family, what you’re willing to give up, compromise on. Your kids might find it very hard to have friends because they can’t hang out with the public school kids on Fridays and saturdays and the frum kids parents might not want their kids to be around yours.

Ask a rav, see what options are available. I’ve been through this very same thing. It’s not easy at all.
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newima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:19 pm
Speak with the school and explain your predicament
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amother




Brown
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:19 pm
I think you do your best, and Hashem does the rest.

You talk to the school or schools that are options to see if something can be worked out within your budget. You look at your budget and expenses and see what is feasible to trim or not. Obviously, this is truly between you and Hashem. You have to know what that line is. One is not expected to be an ascetic.

There are schools who simply say this is what they can do, take it or leave it. I do know of families who were told by very frum schools: you must pay more or your children can't go here. (Knowing the only other option was public school.) The children went to public school.

It's even harder when even rather frum schools will say "Stop having children if you can't afford tuition" but the same rabbonim in the community if asked for heterim for BC for the same reason, won't allow.

If you try your best, then if public school is the only option (for now), then it is. And you see what you can supplement otherwise. There are more and more options, including online for some supplementing.

When you do what you can do, you can trust that what results from Hashem is exactly what your child needs.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:29 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
This is the sad state that the frum community is in right now. Schools need money to operate but many parents (including myself) just don’t have the funds for it. Then we get told not to have kids based on finances but I can’t afford Jewish school tuition and other expenses even living a very frugal life.

I think where you live plays a big role in how your child will fare in public school. Some public school districts are stellar. Probably better than Jewish schools when it comes to services that may be needed, academics, money, parent involvement, extracurriculars, etc. The children are your normal
American kids. And then there are some public schools where the students don’t even have textbooks. The children come from rough backgrounds and your child may be introduced to things you don’t want them to (which is an issue anywhere, even if they go to frum schools).

So what it boils down to is your family, what you’re willing to give up, compromise on. Your kids might find it very hard to have friends because they can’t hang out with the public school kids on Fridays and saturdays and the frum kids parents might not want their kids to be around yours.

Ask a rav, see what options are available. I’ve been through this very same thing. It’s not easy at all.


I hadn’t thought that far ahead that it would cause more problems. The public’s schools in my opinion I’m not 100% are okay. But I always thought either way they would need some supplementing. The irony is that the day schools and PS are sometimes right across from each other. What could bring me peace of mind is the the PS population is largely Jewish as well- so they have Jewish holidays off and a I guess a sort of Jewish community as well since it’s in the same area.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:33 pm
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
I think you do your best, and Hashem does the rest.

You talk to the school or schools that are options to see if something can be worked out within your budget. You look at your budget and expenses and see what is feasible to trim or not. Obviously, this is truly between you and Hashem. You have to know what that line is. One is not expected to be an ascetic.

There are schools who simply say this is what they can do, take it or leave it. I do know of families who were told by very frum schools: you must pay more or your children can't go here. (Knowing the only other option was public school.) The children went to public school.

It's even harder when even rather frum schools will say "Stop having children if you can't afford tuition" but the same rabbonim in the community if asked for heterim for BC for the same reason, won't allow.

If you try your best, then if public school is the only option (for now), then it is. And you see what you can supplement otherwise. There are more and more options, including online for some supplementing.

When you do what you can do, you can trust that what results from Hashem is exactly what your child needs.


Thank you for sharing. BH I want a large family. And that’s something I want. And if I have to live “frugal” for it like my parents did I would rather that and be happy then crippled. No disrespect to parents who can bare that though. dH and I have manage to get by and don’t have debt but we don’t want to be buried. We want be comfortable , but would rather be happy and have a stronger faith in HaShem
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:35 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:


I think where you live plays a big role in how your child will fare in public school. Some public school districts are stellar. Probably better than Jewish schools when it comes to services that may be needed, academics, money, parent involvement, extracurriculars, etc. The children are your normal
American kids. And then there are some public schools where the students don’t even have textbooks. The children come from rough backgrounds and your child may be introduced to things you don’t want them to (which is an issue anywhere, even if they go to frum schools).



I agree with this. The frum community (or at least parts of it) loves to bash public schools, but this isn't always fair. Some public schools are outstanding. Some are terrible. Most are somewhere in the middle. And if you're living somewhere where there are decent amounts of non-Orthodox Jews, chances are good the public school will already have plenty of Jewish kids enrolled.

That said, if a private school is important to you, ask your rav and the schools directly what kind of assistance is available for someone in your situation.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:36 pm
Call Oorah
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amother




Wheat
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 4:57 pm
Years ago we had an old man that did a service in my parents home. I was a young girl at the time but I still remember what he said. Basically he moved to my community years ago and Jewish tuition was so expensive he sent to PS. He is/was MO and the local MO school was high tution. His daughter ended up not staying frum and she eventually married a non Jewish man (of another ethnicity). He says that he had so much regret android would do anything to go back in time and just pay that tuition. I’m not judging anyone’s choices as I’m not in their shoes but consider the repercussions of this choice
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:20 pm
I seriously asked this to one of my friends and all she said was “we just trust in hashem to give us enough money”

No. That. Was. Not. What. I. Was. Asking!

I wanna know what you actually DOOOOO to afford to send 4+ children to school!!!!!!!!!!!

But then she said the schools have vouchers.

I don’t know what vouchers are.


I would talk to the school and explain the issue

Hopefully they can help you work it out!!

Hatzlocha!!
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:25 pm
NYC has a voucher program if both parents are working and earn a low income according to their family size.
If someone says they have vouchers they are not paying tuition.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:32 pm
I wouldn't send to public school no matter what.
You want your kids to marry jewish....
I've never heard of a school in a an out of town community that will allow children to attend public school due to finances.
speak to them. exhaust all your options.
you are fighting for your children's souls and futures.
don't give up.
Be strong.
start the fight and Hashem will help you.
I am in awe because you are doing this alone.
you are so brave. you sound like such a special Mom.
don't give in!!!
it will all work out and your children will learn in beautiful Jewish schools where they will sing jewish songs and learn about Yom Tov (not xmas!!)
this is building your child's identity FOREVER!!!!
I'm sure if you post your location there are woman here who will help you.
I have connections in Los Angeles and Monsey, if you feel comfortable, post where you are so we can help.
We are one big nation. You are not alone.
You are like the Matriachs building your children.
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amother




Green
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:33 pm
You can try nechomas Yisroel.
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:40 pm
my parents went to public school.

The 'public school effect' worsens the odds - but it doesn't mean the end.

I've always felt that selling Jewish schooling as an insurance policy really cheapens it.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 5:46 pm
I would do everything I could to obtain financial aid and work it out with the school. Maybe you could get a job with the school, volunteer there to help cut the bill, or do something else. For preschool I don't think it's as essential, but I would do everything in my power, including sacrifice my pride, to work out a sustainable way to send to a Jewish school for kindergarten and up.

That being said, sinking into debt year after year for 13 years is not sustainable. If none of the Jewish schools will work out something sustainable with you, then just do the best you can with public school and hope that one day you can switch.

Sorry for your predicament. It's a hard position to be in and I hope nobody judges you whatever you end up doing.
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 6:21 pm
Is it an option to move to a state with better private school help? I think Ohio and Florida? But I’m not sure. Some states have more affordable tutition because of school choice.

Also, I don’t want to scare you -really, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament- but my cousin went to public school for high school and married out. Because they couldn’t afford tuition.

I thought I read an article recently about an organization that helps with that kind of thing and was thinking I wish my cousin had known about it. But I don’t remember the name of the organization- did anyone read the article- maybe in Mishpacha? You could even Mishpacha and ask- they’re very helpful with providing info.

Definitely try oorah though and Nechamas yisroel and the school.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 6:21 pm
I had a similar situation and had to put my kids in public since I couldn't afford tuition.

There were Jewish kids in the PS they went and after a few years I could afford yeshiva and they transitioned well since we taught them kodesh after school.

They knew not to eat anything at school, they wore kippah and tziztit to PS, and bh now we can send them to yeshiva.

Edited to add that the secular education they received at PS was amazing and they are always ahead in English.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 6:22 pm
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
Talk to the school. I never heard of any Jewish school telling a parent to send their kid to public school if they couldn't afford tuition.


I have
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 04 2021, 6:39 pm
[quote="amother [ Honeydew ]"]I had a similar situation and had to put my kids in public since I couldn't afford tuition.

There were Jewish kids in the PS they went and after a few years I could afford yeshiva and they transitioned well since we taught them kodesh after school.

They knew not to eat anything at school, they wore kippah and tziztit to PS, and bh now we can send them to yeshiva.


This makes me feel better. And that they’re free to do so.

We are talking 20-40k per year per kid . For reference: we don’t own a house. We rent and the deal we get we pay an amazing 24,000 a year in rent. Not adding untilities and we barely make that.
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