Debt or Public School?

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 7:52 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

If you do end up sending to public school sign up your kids to jewish online school. They have online classes geared to kids that are in public school. They are very good at helping the children feel proud of being jewish.

Thank you for this suggestion!

amother

Black

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 7:54 pm

I had to choose ps this year for one of my children, my daughter entering hs. Son is still in yeshiva and getting smicha. The ps my daughter is in is a good one that I have so far been very pleased with, educationally.

I feel much guilt about my decision. I am most concerned that seminary is now completely not an option, and that the shidduch pool just got MUCH smaller. I am a divorced single mom, so this adds one more thing to the weird upbringing she will be judged by.

I sacrificed everything for those first 9 years of school for her, and each year was absolutely ashamed at all the back and forth with the school which seemed to want to bleed me dry. I paid well above what I could actually afford and went into considerably debt. As of right now, the debt is approx $30k (to other parties, not to the school.... the school would not continue to enroll each year if I would have owed a balance from previous invoices). It was humiliating and dehumanizing.

While I am concerned that she is no longer getting her Jewish subjects and is therefore slowly getting behind, and I am very concerned that she is not around frum girls and teachers during the day, I cannot even describe the relief I am feeling at no longer being financially abused by the yeshiva system.

(in NYC)

To OP, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It is so stressful to be in this predicament.

#BestBubby

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 7:56 pm

Going to a Frum School is Pikuach Nefesh.

I believe public school is out of the question if you want your children to be frum and
marry a Jew.

Go to Rabbonim, go to every school, and try to work it out.

Maybe you can volunteer for the school - make phone calls, fund raise, stuff envelopes, help run
their dinner to help pay for tuition.

I would home-school before sending my children to public school.

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 7:56 pm

flower2 wrote:

I agree w prev poster- if you can't pay for tuition then home school.
Also, if u are barely scraping by w rent 2k/month you and ur husband need to rework your finances/jobs bc having kids even wo tuition is expensive and you won't be able to afford it...

Home school requires someone stay home with them full time. We work full time . I mean for 40k they’re expensive ....but vs free ......

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 7:57 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I mean , their public school would be 75-80 % Jewish kids and teachers .

flower2

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Home school requires someone stay home with them full time. We work full time . I mean for 40k they’re expensive ....but vs free ......

But u previously said u can barely pay your $2k/month rent. You guys need to figure out more lucrative jobs/careers. Or see if one person can work more and one very part time and homeschool.

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:02 pm

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Thank you for sharing this story. I also want to say - I came from a very weird upbringing and my siblings had no problem with shidduch Smile

neither did I. But I obviously want to have more spiritual DH. Hugs.

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:05 pm

flower2 wrote:

But u previously said u can barely pay your $2k/month rent. You guys need to figure out more lucrative jobs/careers. Or see if one person can work more and one very part time and homeschool.

Why? So we can never see each other. And fuss over money like this post ? IS IT WORTH it ? That’s the reason of this post. We love the time we have with each other and ourselves. We have no debt. We both went to higher education. I can’t kill myself over something that won’t matter in the long run. Is unpredictable anyways. We’re poorer but happy.

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:08 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

And would you be OK with your children being not frum, marrying a Jewish non-frum person?

I would be devastated.

No, but I can’t force them. They’ll choose their own path. Plenty go to the best schools and still leave. Some go to PS and find us . There is no saying. If my children aren’t happy , I want them to be happy and able to live in this world. You can’t ever take away them being Jewish. I wouldn’t be devastated. I would be really sad. But I’ve also actually lost children. And I’d rather have them alive and heathy and not frum but living good moral lives than not.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:09 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

And would you be OK with your children being not frum, marrying a Jewish non-frum person?

I would be devastated.

That doesn't mean that this will happen. OP's kids can continue being frum and further on go to yeshiva when she can afford it. I don't think you should be adding more pain, only one who goes through it knows. And sometimes no one helps.

flower2

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok, but how will you pay for diapers/food/clothing for the many kids you said you want to have (forget tuition or camp)? And what about when you don't fit into your rental anymore? And how will you save for retirement (let alone a simcha or a cushion if someone looses their job or to help your kids with their higher education)?
Your previous posts make it sound like you are barely scraping by w 1-2 kids, if you want a larger family (even wo tuition), costs go up.

flower2

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's your job to teach them and guide them and a lot of that means putting them in an environment conducive to their growth. So no, you can't force them. But you can give them their best chance.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This seems like a really healthy attitude. Your kids are lucky to have you!

amother

Mon, Jan 04 2021, 8:21 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

Is it an option to move to a state with better private school help? I think Ohio and Florida? But I’m not sure. Some states have more affordable tutition because of school choice.

Also, I don’t want to scare you -really, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament- but my cousin went to public school for high school and married out. Because they couldn’t afford tuition.

I thought I read an article recently about an organization that helps with that kind of thing and was thinking I wish my cousin had known about it. But I don’t remember the name of the organization- did anyone read the article- maybe in Mishpacha? You could even Mishpacha and ask- they’re very helpful with providing info.

Definitely try oorah though and Nechamas yisroel and the school.

Can’t move for a while. Thanks for the suggestion.