Can't handle my kids coming home!!!

amother

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:39 am

Every day when my kids come home, they bombard me with their stories of their day at school. As an introvert and HSP, I have a very hard time with those moments when they all fly in through the door and all start talking at once. I realized yesterday that I get anxious and dread them coming home! I love my children so much and I hate feeling this way. Any advice?
Btw-EVERY DAY I ask the kids nicely to please at least take off their coats and backpacks before they start talking but it doesn't help.

(For the unfortunate finger wagging I anticipate here - yes I thank Hashem all the time that my children are so eager to talk to me and share the details of their day. I know it is a blessing. I know many parents only wish they knew what was happening in their children's lives. That doesn't stop my body from going on overload every time they burst through the door).

ShishKabob

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:44 am

Do they come home all at one shot? That can be very overloading indeed! Maybe try breathing exercises before they come home to regulate yourself in anticipation!
Can it be that they are competing for your attention? Maybe prepare a snack for them at the table and a drink so they can do that right away and then they'll be calmer a bit and you won't feel so overwhelmed.
Hugs and hatzlocha!

avrahamama

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 9:55 am

I also think a snack and drink first thing will help. Also I like to make them use the bathroom first thing. Sometimes all that pee they hold in makes them jumpy. lol

Ideally it would go like this for me

1. Shoes and coat and bag by front door
2. Bathroom and hand wash
3. Sit at table for a snack.
4. Chill and chat

Sometimes it does. And sometimes they blast through the door screaming "Immmmaaaaa" and stand there with their coat and shoes and bag and mask still on as they full speed tell me about their day. Bless them all!

amother

Powderblue

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:18 am

I am an extrovert and find it very overwhelming. Each child wants to talk to me at once. I always feel bad choosing to listen to one first over the other. I try to tell them to each take a turn talking. If anyone has any good ideas please post!

amother

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:23 am

Thanks for the empathizing responses so far - and a bit of a relief that I'm not the only one, too!
I verbally tell them every dang day to take off their coats and backpacks, wash up, etc but maybe I will write it out and put it on the door so they have a visual. Would love other ideas.

...and to answer previous poster - yes they all come in at the same time and no I don't even get a second to breathe Smile

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:23 am

amother [ White ] wrote:

Believe me one day you’ll really miss it
This is not a finger wagging
I too had this when they all came into the car at one time

As an introvert and a hsp, I’m sorry but this annoys me. I will never ever miss having my sensory system overloaded. Ever. Even if it’s by super sweet children who might one day turn into sulking teens who don’t talk a word.

You do not understand how it feels when your system is bombarded and overwhelmed. It feels like you want to jump out of your skin. It feels painful and extremely irritating, sometimes even makes you feel like you’d rather not live.

Op for me what helps is having the table set and either snack or dinner prepared. They still talk a lot but at least they’re busy eating too. I don’t sit at the table with them normally but I hang around the area. I also literally force them to use the bathroom as soon as they get home. I have them deal with costs and backpacks later in the afternoon.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 11:50 am

I have 1 dc like that. It's exhausting.

This is what I do. I take her off the bus and shae blabbers all the way home. Once we get home I start with dinner and dd plays, calls a friend... dh puts her to bed, so she gets another opportunity to share whatever she wants.

amother

Maroon

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 12:09 pm

I used to have this as well and totally get it. Was even worse because I came home from work at the same time as the kids and all I wanted to do is take off my shoes and sheitel and have a second to breathe. Now BH some of them come home later. Here's what I did to make it easier. I told them that Tatty wants to hear all their news too so we need to save it for supper (we all eat together as a family). So, every kid can tell me ONE important thing about their day as soon as they get home and everything else has to wait to be shared at the dinner table. I find that with my husband there and everyone seated around the table it is easier to keep the decorum and they will take turns sharing. Also, after a little bit of time passes not everything seems as urgent. They do have the chance to share something, though, so they don't feel stifled.

Zehava

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 12:13 pm

I learned over time to prepare cut up fruits and veggies before they arrive, and to have dinner ready shortly after. A little craft or brain teaser is also great.
Still can imagine it’s overwhelming in one shot tho.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:24 pm

I used to have exact same when all my kids would come home at same time. After lots of trial, error, and frustration, I found best solution was like pp posters said. Have ready cut fruit or veg, preferably on separate plates so they dont dissolve into arguing instead! And supper ready to serve soon after. Regarding coats and bags, as long as it was off their bodies and in the vicinity of the hallway, I left it to deal with later to hang and put away. This way their mouths were busy, their stomachs were filled, and they slowly calmed down from the day.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:34 pm

I never figured this out. Each kid needs my exclusive attention for just five to ten minutes and then will be fine. But they all needed it at the same time, and that caused fighting, and then it took awhile to recover from that.

amother

Violet

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:35 pm

Op I totally understand you. Makes me overwhelmed and anxious.

What helpsMe is to concentrate in the first few moments when they’re home to thank Hashem that they got home safely. I try not to take it for granted.

Makes their story telling much easier 😃

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:42 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

I like that. I might change it slightly to thank Him for them being in school at all. Then acknowledge that even so, it's ok for this to be hard for me.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:51 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Don’t forget to also thank hashem that they are able to go to school!!

HonesttoGod

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 1:53 pm

I totally get this.
What’s funny is that my husband gets it too because he usually comes home as they’re going to bed and he barely steps into the door and they’re all over him (he leaves before they wake up in the morning).

What I find that helps me is I send one to wash up and another talks to me and then switch. And if they all demand to talk at once I just pick one to listen to and put my hand up to the others. Answer that child and move on to the next. Always alternate so it’s not picking favorites. It definitely is overwhelming I find once they have food in their mouth it calms down though.
Also, I have mostly boys so even though they all come home at the same time, my boys talk way less than girls Very Happy

amother

Red

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 2:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When my daughter comes through the door, it's like a thunderclap. I refocus her with this game:
I say: level 1- she puts her shoes away neatly
Level 2- she hangs her backpack
Level 3- coat
Level 4- wash hands
Etc.

persephonefalls

Thu, Jan 07 2021, 10:10 pm

I have two school-aged children. My son, when he comes home from school, needs to tell me everything immediately--if I wait even half an hour, he claims he's forgotten what happened, or been distracted by what's going on at home, and then he's upset he can't tell me. So I listen to him right away.

My daughter and I have developed a routine where I'll ask a bit about her day when she comes home, but she doesn't go into detail until bedtime, when she gets into pajamas, and I sit on her bed, and ask her about her day, and then she can think through all the things she wants to tell me, and I can really listen, without being distracted by her brother, or the baby, or the million things I'm trying to get done. She loves it so much that even when we've been together all day, I still ask her if there's anything she wants to tell me about her day, and she always tries to come up with at least one thing, even if it was just something she was thinking about. It's become a really lovely bonding time for us.

I wonder if you could create a routine like that with some of your kids, so that they don't bombard you right when they get home, so they know they'll have special time later in the evening to talk to you.