how many kids do you have?

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 8:31 am

Tamiri wrote:

grin wrote:

Tamiri, I so agree with you and thanks for the support.

I would assume that Cassandra would have loved to have had more children which her life experience didn't grant her and she feels like we're gloating.

But that happens on many threads (and also in the playground, work, or the makolet, may I add) - I think that's part of life.

Cassandra can answer for herself.
I don't think that the number of children one has or does not have is a reason for gloating. Honestly, Grin, though this may be a foreign concept to you, most people I know CHOOSE to have the number of kids they have. Yah... it's called birth control. I am fascinated by the women I meet who keep going until Hashem decides 'times-up", but I don't know too many/any of those in real life, unless Hashem decides 4 kids for most families. Families are limited, by choice, to about 4 kids in my MO circles because there are other things that people want more: education, time, career and money.
I myself have huge spacing, as you have seen and let me tell you, it's not yad hamikreh. Except that last one who was a surprise from Hashem.
Most people I meet would feel sorry for, not envious of, people with large families.

Have to agree.
It's weird that some women define themselves only as the number of kids...

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 8:34 am

amother wrote:

Making the decision to have lots of children, avoiding birth control, having s*x, etc. - none of those things are accomplishments. Being generous, kind, wise, loving, patient are the things we should be proud of about ourselves. I don't doubt that many of the women here are terrific mothers. But having lots of them isn't something to brag about, the way rich people brag about having homes or collecting shoes. Being good at parenting is hard, and if you're good at it you've accomplished a lot, whether it's for 1 kid or 15.

exactly what I was thinking!

GAMZu

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 11:35 am

Quote:

It doesn't seem like you are reading my posts because I have said multiple times that I have no problem with mothers being proud of their children. What I have said is that I have a problem with mothers being proud simply because they have a specific number of children, and that is what this poll sounds like to me.

Firstly, this started out just like any other poll. How tall are you. Was your first labor harder than the rest.
Seriously, do people measure their worth by how hard their labor was??? Labor is meaningless. The main thing is that you have a beautiful baby, right???

So first off, this is a poll like any other on this site.

Secondly, yes, there IS a big difference in the amount of kids you have. I am proud of my kids, I am proud of my parenting skills (most of the time) I am proud to have endured my pregnancies and labors. Each one is different, individual, and I can't lump them into one.

I feel like each of my children "deserve" at least an honorable mention instead of being "lumped" into "wonderful kids" who receive "wonderful parenting" from me.

So I can't really relate to "amount doesn't matter" because it does to me.

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 11:44 am

GAMZu wrote:

Seriously, do people measure their worth by how hard their labor was??? Labor is meaningless. The main thing is that you have a beautiful baby, right???

some do. But you know me a bit, and you know it's not my cup of tea. I asked because
- it was something I heard all the time
- I wanted to hear people saying I would suffer a bit less

nothing to do with the poll here, although the question is interesting, I could have started it, but probably not for similar reasons? that's it.

cassandra

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 1:15 pm

GAMZu wrote:

Firstly, this started out just like any other poll. How tall are you. Was your first labor harder than the rest.

This is getting ridiculous, all I said was that this poll sounded like a poll about how much money you make. The response to that is either "yes, that's an ok poll question too" or "no it's not". I am now in the position of defending something I don't feel all that strongly about. This poll doesn't offend me to such a great extent. It just seemed a bit odd to me, that's all.

Quote:

Seriously, do people measure their worth by how hard their labor was??? Labor is meaningless. The main thing is that you have a beautiful baby, right???

So first off, this is a poll like any other on this site.

Yes, I think many women do define themselves by what kind of labor they had, and I do think it is absurd. I have had 4 c/s, so I know how women who have not experienced labor feel in the presence of some women who have. It goes on, with epidural vs. none, etc. You know all of this, so I'm not quite sure what you meant by the whole thing.

Quote:

Secondly, yes, there IS a big difference in the amount of kids you have. I am proud of my kids, I am proud of my parenting skills (most of the time) I am proud to have endured my pregnancies and labors. Each one is different, individual, and I can't lump them into one.

And how does a poll about the number of children you have reflect any of this????

Quote:

I feel like each of my children "deserve" at least an honorable mention instead of being "lumped" into "wonderful kids" who receive "wonderful parenting" from me.

Unless you refer to your children as "Child 1" and "Child 2" I'm not sure how listing them as part of a numerical sequence reflects their wonderfulness. If you want to talk about your kids, fine. But I don't believe there is significance to the number.

Quote:

So I can't really relate to "amount doesn't matter" because it does to me.

Why not just change your signature to "I have two kids!!!!"?

Clarissa

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 1:36 pm

Hmm, I wonder if this is how those little guys in The Cat in the Hat became Thing 1 and Thing 2. Is it possible that these are their real names? Are there other Things at home, called Thing 3, Thing 4, etc.? So little personal identity, and all because Mrs. Thing thought more about the number of little things she was having than who they were as individuals. No wonder they started going off the derech and hanging around with that cat.

http://www.funtocollect.com/thing1thing2.html

No offense meant to the posters who were being serious in this thread.
No offense meant to those who wouldn't read this book because of the treif animals involved.
No offense to those who think Dr. Seuss was a no-good liberal peacenik aging hippie, trying to sneak propaganda into his stories.
No offense to Republicans meant in the above comment.

morahaviva

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 2:41 pm

I have four (but lost 3 in early preg.s) I wanted more, but DH as an only child thought 4 was a crowd...(not to mention complications during last delivery)
I am one of four and I remember once we were all with my mother in the supermarket and some guy came over and said in a rude tone "are these all yours??" my mother said "lets see...1,2,3,4.. no - the other six are at home" He walked away like she smacked him!!

Mama Bear

Fri, Mar 07 2008, 4:32 pm

I didnt answer the poll either.
Frankly, 3 years ago I woudlve found this questin extremely offensive and insensitive.
BH that I'm a mother now I dont find it offensive, but still - the amount of kids one has is something HASHEM does (or I guess you decide on your own if you space your family), not something that one can determine on their own... whatever.

grin

Sat, Mar 08 2008, 12:19 pm

Clarissa wrote:

No offense meant to the posters who were being serious in this thread.
No offense meant to those who wouldn't read this book because of the treif animals involved.
No offense to those who think Dr. Seuss was a no-good liberal peacenik aging hippie, trying to sneak propaganda into his stories.
No offense to Republicans meant in the above comment.

(BTW - I'm cracking up about the whole discussion over this thread, that I really had thought at first was innocent enough!)

GAMZu

Sat, Mar 08 2008, 7:05 pm

Quote:

This is one thing that bothers me more than anything else about the whole "child-birth-options" debate and it's unfortunate that you have to bring it up in yet another thread.
I am extremely insulted to hear that people think this way. That women who choose to go without epidural think they are better and define their own worth based on that. Women choose to go natural because it's their personal preference.

What I meant by the whole thing is that it's absurd to read into this poll. Just like it's absurd to read into any other poll. (Like the one about when you leave work on Friday. Does OP mean to say that the people who leave earlier are more frum because they respect Shabbos more? Or maybe she just wants to brag that she prepares most of the food on Thursday and is therefore a better balabuste than all of you. Rolling Eyes

No offense to mom21n2. I didn't even read the thread. Just musing.)

cassandra

Sat, Mar 08 2008, 7:39 pm

GAMZu wrote:

Why are you insulted? Do you speak for everyone who believes in natural childbirth? You and many others may not think you are better, but how do you know that some people don't? Do you have a "natural parenting" club where you sit around talking about how wonderful it is that you know people who choose to go to doctors with high c/section rates because it is their personal preference? Please.

Quote:

What I meant by the whole thing is that it's absurd to read into this poll. Just like it's absurd to read into any other poll. (Like the one about when you leave work on Friday. Does OP mean to say that the people who leave earlier are more frum because they respect Shabbos more? Or maybe she just wants to brag that she prepares most of the food on Thursday and is therefore a better balabuste than all of you. Rolling Eyes

No offense to mom21n2. I didn't even read the thread. Just musing.)

Like I said, I really don't feel that strongly, I was just making a personal observation, that "how many kids do you have" sounds to me like "how much money do you make" which where I come from is gauche. Others took it upon themselves to jump on me, so I responded. But, now that you mention it, I will go start two polls: one entitled "how much money do you make?" and the other entitled "how often do you have s-x?"