Do I tell her that he has ASD? | Imamother

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Do I tell her that he has ASD?

Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

OP

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 6:32 pm

Ds, in early twenties, is living at home at the moment.
Dd 10 loves him to bits but can get annoyed with him because of his often immature behaviour, part of his ASD not knowing when and where to stop. And she knows that he is not mature enough to get married yet.

I am part of a support group and receive gifts every so often.
Where are they from?
She knows about special needs because I work with some and my other kids have been caring for some, but they were more visibly sen .

Is there a point in telling her yet or is it not necessary yet.

What do you think?

Fabulous

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 6:33 pm

Does your ds know and acknowledge and possibly open about his diagnosis? If yes, then I would. Otherwise, not.

1

3

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 6:53 pm

Only if your ds is okay with it.

1

5

Stars

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 6:57 pm

The more of an issue you make of this diagnosis the worse everyone will be off. People are not their diagnosis. He’s a person first, especially to his sister.
So imho do not have a formal sit down meeting with her.
If she complains about his behavior Let her know casually that everyone’s brain works differently and his brain is wired a bit differently than most people’s which can make him do xyz.

17

amother

OP

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 7:05 pm

Ds knows about his diagnosis, he is highfunctioning b"h and we occasionally talk about it.
Dd knows someone her age with it too.

So maybe I will ask ds what he thinks

4

andrea levy

Sun, Jan 10 2021, 10:51 pm

I don’t understand the question. It’s not a shameful secret.

3

Teomima

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 2:42 am

I'm confused. Your daughter doesn't know her own brother has ASD? Have you been actively keeping this secret? It's nothing bad or shameful and it's not like it's going to go away. Of course she should have an understanding of what he's living with, and the time for that is yesterday. The longer you try to keep her in the dark, the more confused and possibly resentful she'll be. This doesn't have to be a big deal, but she should understand that he processes and experiences the world differently and you should answer every question she might have, now and down the line. Obviously through it all make it clear that he's still the same guy she's known and loved her whole life, nothing has changed, this is nothing new or anything.

amother

OP

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 2:56 am

Teomima wrote:

I'm confused. Your daughter doesn't know her own brother has ASD? Have you been actively keeping this secret? It's nothing bad or shameful and it's not like it's going to go away. Of course she should have an understanding of what he's living with, and the time for that is yesterday. The longer you try to keep her in the dark, the more confused and possibly resentful she'll be. This doesn't have to be a big deal, but she should understand that he processes and experiences the world differently and you should answer every question she might have, now and down the line. Obviously through it all make it clear that he's still the same guy she's known and loved her whole life, nothing has changed, this is nothing new or anything.

I have not been keeping it a secret from her I just haven't told her.
She has never had any experience where it had impacted her life to an extent that she had to know he is different. Because his disability or whatever you want to call it, isn't visible and she just loves him as her brother.
When he was younger things were different with him and the other kids know that and they had to understand why things were as they were.
Otoh for her its different. And she might not believe it because he doesn't act like her friend does or other sen kids.

My question is if its the right time to tell her out of the blue or is there no toeles in telling her yet.

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