If you took your ds to Israel, did he get gifts? | Imamother

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If you took your ds to Israel, did he get gifts?

Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Poll

Did your son still get gifts if you didn't make a party?

Yes- he got a nice amount of gifts

6%

[ 1 ]

Yes- but less than expected

40%

[ 6 ]

No, he didn't get gifts

53%

[ 8 ]

Total Votes : 15

amother

OP

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 10:45 am

We're considering taking ds to Israel for his bar mitzvah. We're still working out the logistics, and we would possibly do a Kiddush in DH's shul at some point, but no large party. If you chose this option, did your son still get gifts? I think going to Israel is very meaningful, but I wouldn't want him to lose out on what could be a nice amount of savings for him. Appreciate any and all input please!

ETA: his bar mitzvah is 10 months away, and we're hoping Covid concerns won't be a factor.

1

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 11:36 am

A nice amount of savings? I dont know what circles you run in but in most circles it does not amount to more than ds can earn 5-10 years forward in less than a month. I do not think that yardstick is something to measure by. I would put a much higher price tag on making meaningful memories, and what the bar mitzvah himself feels he would like to do to celebrate.

But to your exact question, ds who didnt do the big party still got same gifts as other son who did from family, and neighbors and friends who we are closer to (we did do his aliyah at shul and give a kiddush). It was probably around 50%.

12

Chayalle

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 11:44 am

My DH's parents took him to Israel for his Bar Mitzva. He told me once that since they didn't make something here in the US, he barely got any gifts (in his circles, it would have amounted to Seforim, so he did not have many of his own to bring when we got married.)

1

notshanarishona

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 11:48 am

Most people don’t give a gift after a kiddush in shul, only for a real invitation only party. That being said, a trip to E”Y is very special and I don’t think getting $1-2 K of presents should factor in. The cost of the party will probably outset the gifts

14

cat81

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 2:11 pm

Very very few.

1

amother

Azure

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 2:44 pm

OP,

We plan on doing the same for ds, COVID permitting. I am not expecting any gifts, aside from immediate family which probably won’t amount to much but it is what it is. The lack of gifts was not a factor for us.

4

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 6:57 pm

We took our second son to EY and made our first son the “usual” party etc in the tristate area. Son number #1 got over $2k plus a significant amount of sefarim as well as a beautiful silver menorah and other gifts. Son #2 barely received any gifts (nor did we expect him to) but it was an incredible experience and well worth it!

2

amother

Jade

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 7:03 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We're considering taking ds to Israel for his bar mitzvah. We're still working out the logistics, and we would possibly do a Kiddush in DH's shul at some point, but no large party. If you chose this option, did your son still get gifts? I think going to Israel is very meaningful, but I wouldn't want him to lose out on what could be a nice amount of savings for him. Appreciate any and all input please!

ETA: his bar mitzvah is 10 months away, and we're hoping Covid concerns won't be a factor.

What are you teaching your son about values if you’re measuring a bm in Israel against the loss of some gifts?

4

agreer

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 10:05 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

We took our second son to EY and made our first son the “usual” party etc in the tristate area. Son number #1 got over $2k plus a significant amount of sefarim as well as a beautiful silver menorah and other gifts. Son #2 barely received any gifts (nor did we expect him to) but it was an incredible experience and well worth it!

Curious...if you had to make another bar mitzvah, which would you choose to repeat?

3

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 10:29 pm

agreer wrote:

Curious...if you had to make another bar mitzvah, which would you choose to repeat?

I do have to make more bar mitzvahs (several!) I would definitely go with the EY option but it’s the bar mitzvah boys choice and I’m pretty sure the next few are going to pick having the usual party and kiddush in America and I will honor their requests.

3

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