2 year old son gets very aggressive

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amother

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 9:43 pm

My 2.5 year old son has been having this issue with hitting and biting other kids.
He’s always had a tough personality - but recently it’s gotten pretty bad.
His Morah is very sweet and patient with him but I keep getting phone calls from her that other mothers in the group are so angry that my son is still allowed to come when he hurts other kids.
I definitely hear the frustration of the other parents.
But on the other hand, what the heck do you expect from a 2 year old??
I spoke to his pediatrician a while ago, and she basically just said when he acts like that, you look him in the eye, give a firm no, and remove him from the situation.
So far nothing has been improving with that method.
(He is an only child, so I don’t have much opportunity to deal with this behavior at home)
So my question to anyone reading this, do you have any suggestions for:
1) Dealing and helping my son with his anger and aggressiveness?
2) Dealing with the Morah and other mothers who keep complaining?

amother

Indigo

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 9:59 pm

Bump. I'm dealing with this right now!!! I'm with you OP.

amother

White

Tue, Jan 19 2021, 10:26 pm

This is probably not what you want to hear Sad

But if you have the opportunity to not send him to school until he's moved past this stage, that would be best. Otherwise, can you hire someone to shadow him? This is how I would deal with it immediately. The other mothers are justified in being upset about a child regularly biting the other kids. This is scary for the other kids and they don't feel safe. Why is mommy forcing them to go to morah when you get hurt there? Why does morah want them to get hurt? It's so confusing.

Looking at the long term, can you identify what's triggering him? Does he have the speech and language skills? Does he have any warning signs, or does he go straight to the physical? Does he understand what he's doing and how it affects the other kids? Is he very sensory seeking in general There are so many potential factors, and you would need to know how your child can best be helped.

tichellady

Wed, Jan 20 2021, 12:46 am

He may need to be in a school where they have a higher adult to child ratio so someone can watch him and help prevent him from hurting others

tichellady

Wed, Jan 20 2021, 12:48 am

Does he have a biting necklace? Helps my daughter when she needs to bite something. How’s his communication? If he can’t express himself well he may be frustrated.

amother

Lavender

Wed, Jan 20 2021, 1:52 am

1. My first thought is frustration due to language to. Mommy may know him well enough to figure out wants/needs. But maybe not the case in play group.
2. He is an only child, perhaps the transition to a playgroup was overwhelming and he needs more specialized attention in a smaller setting. Or he needs something to help w the potential seperation anxiety. Even something like a few pictures.
3. Sensory- and even a few minutes w a pacifier at home or at night may help, or drinking from a sports type bottle, or calming down by drinking a cold drink through a thin straw.
4. Double check that he hasnt picked up the behavior from another child. Has this happened with another kid first? Little ones are really good at copying behaviors.
5. Needs an outlet for built up energy or just following along in the group. He may benefit from a few minutes of break by himself paired w something active. Can that be accomplished. For instance every hour 5 minutes to do some jumping or running, even dancing but some sort of extra physical movement for the entire short period.
5. Regardless, yes you need to shut him down. If you are not seeing it at home, the "trigger" is not in that setting. I would do some social story types to try to figure out what the problem is. Read or make your own book about biting and talk to your child about it along the way. I just quickly typed a google search and got a link from barnes and noble "picture books to help kids with biting, hitting, shoving" I didnt check any of them but perhaps a book like that.
6. Of course it can also be a combination of these options. And it can take time to figure out. To help stop it in the meantime you may need to start with some old fashion bribery. Im not a big fan but if your child is on the verge of getting kicked out and he needs fo stay in playgroup. You got to do what you got to do.