ISO new HS for my daughter - whom to contact? - Brooklyn

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amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 2:06 pm

Is there anyone in Brooklyn who can help me get my daughter into a new high school mid-year or for the next school year?
Is there any BY or other frum school that would accept my daughter?

Some background:
Daughter is in a Bais Yaakov school in Brooklyn.
Some parents tattled to the administration that my daughter, along with a few other girls (not all from this school) had contact on a chat group with a frum boy during the summer.
(She did not have a relationship with this boy, it wasn't a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario).
By the time the school got word of it, the incident was in the past.
My daughter, who is doing well academically, and is a sweet, beautiful girl with good middos, is currently being ostracized by her classmates.
The mothers have forbidden their girls to be friends with my daugher.
The school threatened to expel my daughter unless she signs a contract agreeing to abide by their rules, and is requiring her to receive therapy due to this transgression.
Bottom line, daughter is unhappy in the school, and I would love to pull her out of the school as well.
(They have also falsely accused her in the past of having a smartphone, and we were called in for a meeting together with my daughter- Principal apparently thought we were lying and covering up for her because "informants" told them she was seen with a smartphone-she was called in for a second meeting without us).

Is there any advocate in the community who could advise me and help me get my daughter into another school?

Thanks

Rappel

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 2:16 pm

That's horrible. I have no pull, but hugs! You and your daughter do not deserve this treatment for something which is not a crime.

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 2:18 pm

Rappel wrote:

That's horrible. I have no pull, but hugs! You and your daughter do not deserve this treatment for something which is not a crime.

Thanks
Your kind words made me cry.

crbc

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 8:40 pm

OP, please PM me for some names.

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:39 pm

crbc wrote:

OP, please PM me for some names.

I pm’d you.
Thanks!

amother

Pewter

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 9:43 pm

Good luck, I hope you have an easy time working it out. Btdt, similar.

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:07 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Good luck, I hope you have an easy time working it out. Btdt, similar.

How did you work it out?
Did you work it out with the school, or you switched her to another school?
Thanks

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:10 pm

I don’t wanna add more stress to your situation. But if someone has worked closely, and professional capacity with teenage girls and Brooklyn I urge you to maintain as much of a positive relationship with the school as possible, even if you end up switching.

What grade is she in? If she’s past tenth would be a big risk to switch.

We had a girl in our class in high school who had something similar (maybe more merit to the rumors in her case, not sure) but ultimately it petered out after a year or so, she ended on great terms with the school by laying low for the rest of the time. Socially though she wasn’t left out. Ofcourse my principal was amazing and fair, you might not have that.

But switching schools creates a lot of chaos in a girls life and adds risk, really work with someone smart to see how to make it happen without getting her labeled a troubled kid (even in her own mind) which can cause a lot of trouble for her socially and otherwise.

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 10:50 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Can you explain?
Why would I need to maintain any sort of relationship with the school?

I don’t believe she has much to lose by switching out.
She is being regarded as OTD by the school administration.
It appears she is being treated as such by the parents as well.
Even though it was a one-time incident when she was unfortunately bored at home all summer with no job or camp (due to COVID).

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 11:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because unless you can get her into a great school (unlikely to happen if you can’t get your school on your team- even if you don’t like them, getting them to appreciate that she needs a fresh start ), things can possibly only get worse. Honestly there’s not much I know and can guess as an outsider but you really need an advocate and someone smart to help you navigate this. I hate to be the voice of doom but high school can be brutal and unfortunately principals don’t always act the way the should and the damage is done even if it’s not fair.

amother

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 11:35 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Yes.
I agree that I need a good advocate.
Thanks for your input.

amother

Violet

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 11:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes.
I agree that I need a good advocate.
Thanks for your input.

Hatzlacha. And sorry again for my negative tone. Iyh it should all go smoothly!

I myself had a rough time in 9th grade (also had principal suspect me over a cellphone, they thought I had one in school which was against the rules, called my mother down and she brought my cell with her...) and thankfully bounced back with no ill effects (a lot of laying low and not trying to fight the system, learning how to find my space within it). I know how demoralizing it can be, try to find healthy outlets for your daughter meanwhile and another place for healthy socializing- I took art classes, lifeguarding, babysat etc.