Where is lecht in you house?

silverlining3

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 10:20 pm

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Can anybody please give suggestions (or links) for a tray for my candles.

I’m ok if it’s silver but also ok if it’s not. I just want something that looks Shabbos-dik and is more fire-safe than my current set up.

If not silver, then what kind of tray should I search for? Glass? Stainless? And where should I search? Amazon? Judaica store?

Thank you

Right after I got married we went to a local Judaica store and bought a nice size silver (think sterling) tray.. It costed 70 bux.. Close to a decade later and it's still going strong.

silverlining3

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 10:35 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Because you can't change the tablecloth in the event of a spill or stain, and need to place food platters around the candlesticks. I'd also be afraid of knocking them over when serving food.

We light on a kitchen counter. We can see it from the dining room. And the living room, for that matter.

We have a low counter between the dining room and living room, and that would be ideal, but I was always afraid the kids would knock it over. We know several families whose homes were severely damaged by Shabbat candles, so I want to be as safe as possible.

I put one full length (108) plastic tablecloth and on top of that a shorter length (90) which spreads till where my lecht are. Take it off after night meal and put on another one for next meal. Works great

SixOfWands

Wed, Jan 13 2021, 10:53 pm

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Give us an idea (1) where you light, and (2) what your candlesticks look like.

You can pick up an antique (or at least old) silver plated tray on ebay for a song. No, its not as valuable. No, it may not last as long. But for under $20 for something like this https://www.ebay.com/itm/Vinta.....f8dP9 why not?

Then buy Midas Touch polish. Its amazing.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 4:21 am

nchr wrote:

There is room for my plate so not immediately in front of me. I guess I'm just used to it but yes if I look directly in front of me I would see my lachter and not my husband, but I can see all of the children just fine which is the most important part. This is how my mother has it too. I'm not engaging in conversation with my husband at the seuda and you can hear someone without seeing them or just move slightly left or right.

It means the head of the table.

So interesting. Never heard of this way. But you never talk to your husband during the meal? Also never heard of that. But to each their own Smile

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 4:25 am

SixOfWands wrote:

So we put the candles at the end of the table. It is not taking any room away from anything, not for people or for food. And I learned that if you put something non mukzta on the candle stick tray, you can move it if needed, so no issue if one needs to move it. Works for us Smile

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:28 am

nchr wrote:

Shabbat meals are our ideal time for engaging in family conversations, and I definitely don't want my view blocked by candles or flowers or anything.
I can't imagine not conversing with my dh during a seuda, but I guess to each their own.

Sure you can hear someone without seeing them, but it's not very pleasant. It's like listening to a podcast or something.

pause

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:52 am

My parents and in-laws have theirs on the table, and we started out that way too. BH as our family grew and also whenever we have guests, there's no space on the table anymore, so the lecht go on a side buffet.

My parents put theirs at the end of the table, so if that last (end) seat is needed, it's inconvenient. My in-laws put theirs in the center of the table where it blocks the view across the table and takes up space needed for food.

nchr

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:09 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

Why wouldn't you? If you don't mind sharing. Is this a minhag?

No minhag. It's a Shabbos seuda, not much to discuss. At my mother's house that has many married the men can discuss Torah but you wouldn't have my mother conversing with my father across the table. I would find that very odd. What are you going to talk about? I guess people with different personalities see it differently.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:44 am

nchr wrote:

I forgot there could be many married men together in one room, since the start of coronavirus. Can't Believe It

Yes, I understand not conversing with many people present but I mean, when you are having a seuda with your own family, won't you speak to your husband?

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:53 am

nchr wrote:

It's not different personalities, it's different communities. In most circles I am familiar with, it would be very odd if the host and hostess did NOT partake in conversation together, no matter how many 'marrieds' were present at the table.

nchr

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:00 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

When and what exactly are you discussing? When you eat you don't talk. When men sing zemiros you don't talk. When children answer their shailas, you don't talk. When someone says a torah, you don't talk. When is there time to talk? Unless your seuda is 4 or 5 hours I'm not understanding. What are you talking about? The children? In front of them? I'm not getting it. Who made what simcha, that's about all I can think of. If I was expected to partake in conversation during the seuda I'd get a terrible headache it would be overwhelming. When I'm by my mother I'm not talking at her seuda just sitting and observing, that's probably more personality, but even if someone is a talker you need to be quiet anyways while eating, mens zemiros, mens torahs etc.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:04 pm

nchr wrote:

What do you talk to your husband and kids at any time?
No difference at the seudah..

nchr

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:08 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

What do you talk to your husband and kids at any time?
No difference at the seudah..

Ok so this is the difference. I don't view the seuda as a social scene. It's a shabbosdige seuda. Then there are personalities who appreciate not shmoozing.

amother

Denim

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:10 pm

nchr wrote:

Women also give divrei Torah in my circles. And once someone gives a dvar Torah, everyone else talks about it together, the father, the mother, the teen kids, the guests. It's usually something that can be discussed/debated.

Besides that we also talk about general things - how our week was (with teen kids you don't always have an opportunity to sit and chat with them for 2 hours straight). Current events, as a spring-point for hashkafic and ideological debate. Etc.

keym

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:30 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

By us too
Add to that, we specifically encourage the kids to share interesting lessons, lectures, happenings of the week and we discuss as a family to help share with the kids our particular hashkafa.

As an example, my high school daughter had a lecture last week about TAG on the dangers of technology. However, like many BY lectures, it was very black and white.
My daughter shared at the table what the speaker and what the principal said, and we discussed it, family style. Not contradicting the school, but to demonstrate the shades of grey.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 1:32 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

I forgot there could be many married men together in one room, since the start of coronavirus. Can't Believe It

Yes, I understand not conversing with many people present but I mean, when you are having a seuda with your own family, won't you speak to your husband?

Nchr said in another thread that she sits opposite her husband, at the foot of the table. So it makes sense that she isn't conversing during the meal. It would be kind or awkward to shout across the table. The vast majority of people sit near their husband at the Shabbos table, so conversation between husband and wife is natural. And most people do see the shabbos table as a social scene. Not entirely social. Of course, there are zemiros and divrei torah. But also regular schmoozing, or even inspirational schmoozing.
I have only once been to a Shabbos meal where there was no regular talk and that was by my principal house in seminary. She and her husband were in their 70s or 80s. So no kids around. Her husband was a Rosh Yeshiva.

Nchr, just curious, in your house, do the kids talk at all during the meal, like just schmooze? Or is there seriously nothing but Zemiros and divrei torah for the duration of the whole meal? Did you grow up like that or did your husband?