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singleagain
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:10 pm
| watergirl wrote: | | I think if you make the ask and offer to pay, but make it clear that you REALLY mean the offer, I think its fine to ask. |
This but I might include an offer of cleaning help before and after.
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Ema of 4
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:10 pm
| Elfrida wrote: | Even just families. You need ten men, which probably also means ten women. A nice meal for at least twenty people isn't cheap.
(Though a friend of mine once made her own Sheva Brachos. She made salad and ordered pizza and all her husbands yeshiva friends came, and sat on the floor because they didn't have any chairs yet. That was relatively cheap, and she loved it. Not for everyone, though.)
Corona further complicates the situation of who might be willing to host. |
Even 20 people doesn’t have to be expensive. Also 10 men doesn’t have to equal 20 people, it could be 11 or 12 people- all men plus the hostess and maybe one other woman.
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Elfrida
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:30 pm
| Ema of 4 wrote: | | Even 20 people doesn’t have to be expensive. Also 10 men doesn’t have to equal 20 people, it could be 11 or 12 people- all men plus the hostess and maybe one other woman. |
And perhaps the kallah?
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Ema of 4
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:34 pm
| Elfrida wrote: | | And perhaps the kallah? |
Oops :-) yes so 12 maybe 13
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essie14
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 2:48 pm
We only had 4 sheva brachot. 2 weeknight, Friday night and Shabbat lunch.
All 7 are not required.
I would never ask someone to host SB for me or my child.
When I have wanted to host I have offered.
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avrahamama
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 4:49 pm
| amother [ cornflower ] wrote: | | This reminds me of an article I read once about Rav Shteinman. He was asked once if a newly married couple must have said 7 nights of sheva brachos, and responded of course not, adding in that he and his wife didn't have any, other than at their wedding. |
That's really sweet!
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zohar
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 7:04 pm
I would call and say that you were working out the sheva brachos schedule with the machatenista, and wanted to know if they were interested in hosting, and if yes, what was their preferences in dates.
Many people don't realize how early sheva brachos are reserved and might just not be thinking of it yet. This way, you are explaining why you need to know earlier, you are giving them an out by acknowledging that 'no' is an ok answer by saying "if yes..."
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amother
Khaki
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 7:22 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I don’t know. This thread is making me so sad.
Sheva Brachos is such a beautiful minhag. Mine were small and intimate. The beauty wasn’t the fancy food, it was having friends and family who cared enough to host.
I understand some people are poverty stricken and can barely afford to feed their kids. Other people have a lot on their plates for other reasons. But underlying it I just sense a lot of indifference. Or because if you can’t have a sheva brachos to your idea of elegance, it’s better not to have one at all.
I have no doubt we have enough friends in the community who will offer to host. That’s not my worry, we will have more than enough offers. I think it would be nice to make one with my brother’s family but if it doesn’t mean as much to them, nothing that we can do. |
It's a beautiful minhag, but it has outgrown its beauty, imo. It was beautiful back in the day, when the affairs were simple, and the daily routines of life weren't such a hectic mayhem. It was really nice to extend the simcha and check in with your close relatives in the following days.
But now, these simchas are mostly no longer simple affairs. Even the 'simple' ones are mostly not simple by reasonable standards. And the cost of a single affair is substantial. Moreover, the relatives, even the close family, are trying to catch their breath from the late night wedding, to back at work, to taking care of their own families, and from all the hectic daily activity of the lifestyle we have set up. I personally think people would be more appreciative of some quiet nights than celebrating for 7 nights straight. The wedding and a Shabbos Sheva Brochos is more than sufficient in marking this milestone. If one really wants to host the couple, have them over for dinner & call some people over just for the bentching part.
I'm saying this as a mother who will be marrying off my daughter shortly, IY"H. If I'd go this route, I think my siblings and parents would be very very thankful.
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notshanarishona
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Wed, Jan 13 2021, 7:31 pm
Their are many reasons why I wouldn’t offer as a sibling:
(1) money is most obvious
(2) as a sibling, being at wedding and all sheva brachos is exhausting, kids off schedule, etc. and normally only take off one day of work for a neices or nephew wedding that’s local so have to balance work as well. It’s intense
(3) expectations, I would be mortified to make a simple sheva brachos and would end up stressing and spending days trying to make it impressive. I have never been to a simple sheva brachos (other than one that someone made us on the spur of the moment in E”Y when they heard we were skipping a day 🤣) and I would be embarrassed to start a trend and be the nebachdik one. I would sooner not offer.
Also it’s different if its a brother whose local or a sister. You are presumably expecting your sil to do most of the work which is more to ask than from a sister.
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