Professionals please weigh in- did peppa pig cause this?

amother

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:31 am

I couldn’t find the perfect forum to write this in, so I tried to get as close as I could. This is a pretty long post, but I could really do with the opinions of professionals in the area of early childhood development, or even just seasoned parents Smile

I live in Israel, and I have been advised (this year and last) to send my 3.5 yr old to Gan Safa. I’m told that it’s different from full-on special needs schools (which is the only reference point I have, having grown up in chutz laaretz)- it’s more like smaller groups, with a lot of targeted attention from various professionals, to get the child onto a level where he can continue in a mainstream setting. My son has some mild ADD tendencies- slight dreaminess and distractibility, especially when a task is hard for him. He also has language delays- we put tubes in his ears in the summer, so that helped the language a bit, but there’s still a lag, especially bc he has to cope in a Hebrew gan, but his English is weak, so his Hebrew acquisition has been minimal. All the disruptions bc of COVID lockdowns haven’t helped either. He was in gan until Purim last year, and then I kept him home till he started in September, but we have had two lockdowns since then, so it’s been a very choppy experience, and he tends to take a long time to adjust to things each time we’ve finally been able to return him to school post-lockdown.

I have a few kids older than him (he’s the youngest), but he’s the only one that I have had at home full-time for as long as I did, and that was before all the covid disruptions. I also have almost no help- my husband is extremely hands-off with the kids and housework, so it basically all falls on me. Since I’m also a bit ADD, and I need a certain level of quiet and alone time to get things done (cleaning and laundry mostly), I’ve managed with having a bored toddler at home for as long as I have by giving him more screen time than I like. He has had fairly large doses of little baby bum, paw patrol, pj masks, octonauts, peppa pig, etc (basically young kids TV on you tube). I find that it helps me have the fairly uninterrupted time to get a few things done, and then I can do activities with him- baking, going to the store, etc (I’m not amazing with getting him to the park but we used to also enjoy the play equipment in malls, etc), in addition to attending to any of my other kids’ physical and emotional needs. My husband (and extremely opinionated and interfering in-laws) hates that my son watches as much as he does, but a big part of the reason why I resorted to screen time with any of my kids is because he has never really been available to do anything with the kids, except when it suits him- which is often when they are happily occupied and absorbed in what they are doing 😬.

So now I’ve been told by the school this year, and last year’s preschool teacher, as well as by his speech therapist, etc, that he needs gan safa for next year, mainly bc of the language delay. Although this is a hard thing for me to hear as a parent, I want him to get the help he needs, so I’ll send him to gan safa, even though it’s hard for me emotionally to have to send him to a special- needs gan. A lot of that is my own defensiveness and emotional stuff, but I will 100% override that, if it will help my child. What’s getting to me is that my husband and in-laws are saying that the reason why he has language delays and needs gan safa is bc he has too much screen time. This seems nonsensical to me, and simply them being overly-simplistic and slightly cruelly taking an opportunity to take a stab at my parenting (my mother-in-law has a very different parenting style than I do, and there have been a lot of critical comments over the years. We’ve had to work on getting her to stop making comments, bc it ends up causing problems in my marriage- bc even if my husband takes my side against her, he’ll still privately agree with her and it draws his attention to things I do that he disagrees with. My in-laws and my husband also end to engage in a lot of intolerant and all-or-nothing thinking. Like you either get perfect grades in school, or else you’re a failure, you’re either smart or dumb, either a super-efficient person or else a complete slob, either in a mainstream educational setting, or else you’re in full-on special needs- “we never needed to go to special needs school in our family” 😬😡).

So my question is this: pls help me understand if it’s really possible that a lot of screen time could cause language delays? I could understand if you said that it might exacerbate ADD symptoms somewhat, but I have other kids who have slightly dreamy ADD, and their speech is fine- even the one that isn’t an especially articulate child- not his strength, but I’ve had him evaluated and he didn’t need speech therapy. And my other two are extremely articulate. So from what I can see, my youngest kid has more of an inborn language difficulty- like a more extreme version of son #2’s weak language skills. Sorry to sound so roundabout- I’m trying to make sense of it all, and work out what the objective reality is. I don’t think that screen time causes language delays, but I’d like to hear what the professional/ experienced take on it is. I’m expecting at the moment, and my husband’s current line is: “just make sure you don’t do this (screen time thing) with the next one.”

Please help me understand what the objective reality is. It’s hard enough for me that he needs to go to gan safa- is like to not have to deal with the guilt and blame as well.

amother

Ruby

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:34 am

Interaction with a real adult is the best thing for language development, so any time he was in front of the screen he wasn’t talking with you. Bilingual kids also sometimes have a bit of a harder time starting off with language until they sort out the two languages.

Gan safa is an amazing program. Don’t feel bad about the fact that that’s what he needs now. By sending him to gan safa you may avoid the need for major language therapy down the line (gan safa replaced American EI as far as I understand)

LovesHashem

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:42 am

Gan safa is not a special needs Gan. Many kids who make aliyah end up there because of the lagnague getting mixed up.

My neighbors son is currently in one for that reason. His English wasn't great before he came and now he is exposed to Hebrew and is all confused.

imaima

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:43 am

Ok this is complicated.
1. I don't think screen time ALONE can cause damage. If anything, it can help. I know I was in your shoes and my young kids learned English from the videos.
2. Your dh and the opinionated in-laws are welcome to provide the child with meaningful Interactions and proper linguistic input. Those who criticize, should be helping out.

3. A part of the issue is that your child is bilingual. I assume you speak English at home ans Hebrew in the gan. I would use any chance for him to get a lot of proper and varied Hebrew input in the gan.
Besides that since he had hearing issues, can he get speech therapy? It's only been half a year since you put in the tubes and you need to catch him up on two languages

4. Since you say he stayed at home longer with you, you can assume that English is his native language. Maybe your older kids can sit down ans read him books or play games with him, in English? Developing one language will help with the development of the other language.

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:45 am

Gan safa is amazing for any child that needs it. They will get the more individual help they need. Dont feel bad, feel empowered. Your child will be getting the help he needs from a young age.
Also, just wanted to day that if your husband is hands off but blames you for a lot of screen time, there has to be a middle ground there.

LovesHashem

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:49 am

I skimmed through the OP. I'm admitting it. I see now he also has hearing issues.

Gan safa would be amazing for him to get all the early intervention. Properly teach him English and Hebrew and get 1:1 time, all for a very low cost through the government.

When he goes into first grade in a regular normal school he will fit in easily having had all the help he needed.

amother

Babyblue

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:51 am

I sent 2 kids to Gan Safah and it was the best experience ever!
10-12 kids in a group with 2-3 morahs! They learn so much more and both did so much better in their mainstream classes afterward.
Don't feel bad at all - be excited that he gets this opportunity!

twizzlers1

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 5:58 am

Gan safa is amazing! I have sent four kids there and three were totally mainstreamed but started school so much stronger and more confident. My one that is currently there might need more than that but most kids go on to regular classes.

amother

Salmon

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 6:07 am

My youngest ds is in gan safa. He started at age 3 and now he's 5 and it has really helped him. We speak only English at home, so all our children had language problems in Hebrew. The older ones got by with speech therapy. The youngest one who was also born very premature and has a slightly delayed overall development, couldn't cope with the language at all. Now he speaks quite well and the small group and intense focus and additional therapies in the gan safa have worked wonders. I can only recommend it. And the children there are not severely challenged - they are normal, with some speech or language problems but nothing beyond that.
Screen time - overall I would say that it is not ideal, especially if it is in English and not Hebrew. I have been using the screen far too much to babysit my children and I can see it didn't do them much good. However, sometimes it was/is the only way to keep things going and enable household chores or work related calls or just a bit of me-time to unwind after work. It's not ideal but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Try to keep your MIL out of it. If she wants to come and babysit or take the kids to her place to give you a bit of breathing space, wonderful. If not, she should be kept out of it. I've told my dh as well that he is invited to do enrichment kind of things and spend quality time with the kids if he wants them off-screen. To his credit, I have to say that he does it a few times a week, if only because the kids pester him about it.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 6:22 am

Screen time is not great and can cause issues but speech delays is not one of them. If anything, it would enhance vocabulary.

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 6:33 am

What opinionated in laws. And tell your dh he is welcome to interact with him and get him 'up to par'.
That said, if you must have so much screen time , I would expose him to Israeli kids' shows, so that he gets the Hebrew. It's actually a good way to be exposed to a language . I am studying Arabic now and watching shows in Arabic really helps.

naomi2

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 6:54 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Screen time is not great and can cause issues but speech delays is not one of them. If anything, it would enhance vocabulary.

Came here to say this.
Op from your post it looks like you child's issues are not your fault. Sometimes a kid needs a little extra help. There is no shame in that and it's better to be safe than sorry. Keep him in gan safa or any school that will help him progress and be happy. Please don't rush to push him to a school he can't thrive in. Children in the wrong school can hurt so much!

Rappel

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 7:18 am

I know two Oleh kids whom did gan safa, and it really helped. I know one who skipped it, and he's still struggling in second grade.

I've seen the programs, and I wish I could join, they look like so much fun!

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 7:27 am

Hi I’m a speech therapist.
Gan safa is a “speech therapy” gan, not a special needs gan. There are tons in yerushalayim that are run by Americans who are trying to get their C’s.
Screen time doesn’t usually cause language delays, however trying to learn 2 languages at once does. (It doesn’t mean it’s the root of the problem, but it can exacerbate it). Stick with only one language, and bombard him with it. Talk through what you’re doing. Example, during bath time just label everything. “Cup! Duck! Water! Soap! Mommy pour. Duck quack. Fish swim. All clean.”
During supper “Eat! Yum yum! Juice! Want! Chicken! All done”
Getting dressed, you can go over clothes and body parts.

amother

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 7:50 am

Thank you for all the responses.

It does seem like gan safa would be a good option for him. He’s had speech therapy for a few months now, and he’s had a Ganenet siach (best translated as a language enrichment Morah 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️) working with him a bit each day when he has been in school, and clearly it’s not enough. The Ganenet also feels that he is very sensitive, has a hard time adjusting, and is having some trouble socially (I’m guessing bc of the language issue).

My in-laws live in chutz laaretz so they can’t come over and babysit all the time, but the truth is that even when they are here, it’s more like them watching me and criticizing how I do things- even when they do pitch in here and there. My husbands a bit like that as well. He will help out here and there, and has started making a very conspicuous point of trying to play a game with my son when he is watching (this works occasionally but mostly just backfires, and then he’s like, “See, look what you’ve done- they’re not interested in anything else”) but he mostly sits around- when he’s not working, he’s on his phone playing computer games most of the time (no hypocrisy there 🙄) and judging me for the way I’m taking care of the kids.

It’s true that watching isn’t interactive like talking is, but for what it’s worth, I’m a pretty talkative person and I have always carried on a dialogue with him, with a lot of chatting and songs, as I have been doing my chores. He likes sitting near me when I am doing stuff in the house, and will often put down the phone and come find out what I’m doing, asking me about it, and then we will do stuff together in the kitchen, etc. so whilst it’s definitely not the same thing as actively doing stuff with him all the time, I do think he’s had a fair amount of language exposure. And I say all of that with the knowledge that a lot of screen time isn’t great for him, and that it’s what I’ve had to do in order to manage with my responsibilities and in my marriage.

amother

Forestgreen

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 8:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m sorry about your husband. That sounds quite frustrating.
In terms of screen time, again, it’s not causing the language delay. There are many reasons why a child will be language delayed.
How’s his auditory processing? How’s his understanding? Does he follow directions? What words does he have? Does he seem frustrated when trying to communicate? Does it look like he’s struggling to get a sound out?
You’re doing an amazing job by exposing your son to language. Keep that up. Maybe start targeting certain easy words, and see if he’ll repeat it. “In! On! Eat! Up!” Easy 1 syllable words with easy sounds.

imaima

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 8:01 am

I am sorry to hear that your home environment is not so supportive. What many parents do these days is have grandparents learn and they read a book with the kids over video calls. So of course it is not ideal but under the circumstances, you can try that. Have dh call his parents and talk to them together with this son, over time he may get used to it and you will be able to leave him alone.
I have friends who put the child with the tablet and the grandparents from abroad read a book in their native language with the child.

Of course it is not ideal, but I am working under the premise that you have housework and ADD, other kids, etc.

PS: It won't take off from the start, you will jave to gently introduce all of them to this idea.

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 8:14 am

Whoever said learning 2 languages at once causes language delay - that might be true, but it's worth it.
The biggest mistake I made with my kids was stopping to speak in English because one kid was barely speaking at 2.5 or 3. That was the advice I was given, seeing as we are in Israel and I am fluent in Hebrew. Well, 20 plus yrs later the kid has no language problems at all,but he and my other kids are unhappy that they weren't given the gift of a second language.

LovesHashem

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 8:17 am

Gan safa literally means language Gan. Safa means language. Just want to reiterate that it's not special needs Gan.

amother

Salmon

Fri, Jan 15 2021, 8:26 am

I just want to add another plus of gan safa - they continue to operate during the lockdown for the most part, unlike normal ganim. Ds is going to gan every morning these days, while the others are not. They also carry on every summer until the end of July, while regular ganim stop at the end of June.