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imab




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 4:04 am
Hi,
Since I got married enjoying Purim has been somewhat difficult. I find that seudot with drunk men are a far cry from the spiritual singing seudas I had as a single girl with friends. And megillah reading in a rushed mommy megilla reading is not that inspiring.
What are your ideas to make Purim more meaningful?
kol tuv
imab
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Newsie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 4:15 am
I would love to see replies to this. I also have a hard time enjoying Purim- and this was the case in my single days as well. I was never at an all female seudah with singing...
Either way, I do love seeing the kids in costumes, the delivering of shalach manos and the excitement that I see in my kids faces. That definitely brings me simcha. But the seudah- that's definitely an avodah to feel truly bisimcha. And I know what you're saying with the megillah reading. It's one of the times that I thank Hashem that in His infinite wisdom he pattured us from Mitzvos aseh shehazman grama. The rush of getting to shul and the worry I feel even while I'm sitting in shul about the baby crying, the big ones antagonizing each other....
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grin




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 4:17 am
I always thought it was only me!
I guess it's really true that having the mitzva of being b'simcha makes it all the harder.
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Newsie




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 4:22 am
I'm waiting for all the amothers who LOVE purim to come and post and give me ideas that I can use this year
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HooRYou




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 5:05 am
This is probably not the response you want to hear since it might not really make you Purim more fun but it should make it more meaningful. Instead of focusing on food, fun, costumes, etc. focus on the oppurtunity on Purim to daven and have your tefilos heard. I have sat at seudas (admittedly at other people's homes) and said tehillim or toehrwise davened. If you don't find megillah readin inspriing maybe spend some time reviewing the pesukim and perushim, remember the story and follow with your mind and heart and not just your eyes.

Basically, I think you need to decide what kind of Purim you want, what you would like to be different and try and work out how to make it so. If you want to sing maybe see if you have some friends or neighbors who want to kuzitz with you leil Purim, etc.
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flowerpower




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 11:03 am
I love purim! first thing is making a plan, when to be where, take a tylenol before leaving your house, find out where u will hear megilla, plan ahead and be organized, prepare mm as early as u can......
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 11:32 am
Oh, I know ..... I would say a non-frum Purim is more fun, but I guess that's kfrira ....
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shopaholic




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 11:38 am
No advice but I love Purim. Love the hustle & bustle of people coming over. Love delivering SM.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 11:44 am
momof3 wrote:
No advice but I love Purim. Love the hustle & bustle of people coming over. Love delivering SM.


I take it you never had to clean up major throw-up from a man's shoes - or the bed sheets before.
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Squash




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 12:06 pm
so here's the mother that LOVES purim!!!!

first off, lemme say that my father, fil, husband, etc do not get drunk. so that takes care of that.

re: taking advantage of the day - sit down at a quiet moment in the weeks BEFORE purim and make a list, yes a list, of everything that you want to be mispallel for on this day that is so precious. it's difficult amid all the tumult to try to remember all your bakoshos. but if it's written down, you'll know what to daven for.

I prepare all the food I need in advance and pull it out of the freezer purim morning and put it into the oven. everything is ready in time for the seuda/os with no hassle.

my husband davens vasiken and when he comes home, I leave the house to go listen to megilla. the kids are still asleep and I am able to listen to megilla normally and even sometimes daven a bit (and listen to kaddish, say yehei shmai rabo, etc)

we also try to leave the house early 10/10:30 to do our deliveries and then we're back to enjoy the rest of the day together with whoever stops by.

it IS a very hectic day. but it's a happy day. and I love it.
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amother






Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 12:31 pm
Squash wrote:
so here's the mother that LOVES purim!!!!

first off, lemme say that my father, fil, husband, etc do not get drunk. so that takes care of that.

re: taking advantage of the day - sit down at a quiet moment in the weeks BEFORE purim and make a list, yes a list, of everything that you want to be mispallel for on this day that is so precious. it's difficult amid all the tumult to try to remember all your bakoshos. but if it's written down, you'll know what to daven for.

I prepare all the food I need in advance and pull it out of the freezer purim morning and put it into the oven. everything is ready in time for the seuda/os with no hassle.

my husband davens vasiken and when he comes home, I leave the house to go listen to megilla. the kids are still asleep and I am able to listen to megilla normally and even sometimes daven a bit (and listen to kaddish, say yehei shmai rabo, etc)

we also try to leave the house early 10/10:30 to do our deliveries and then we're back to enjoy the rest of the day together with whoever stops by.

it IS a very hectic day. but it's a happy day. and I love it.

that sounds so beautiful - just as it should be!
what a pity that we can't all have a day like that, for whatever reason.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 1:44 pm
When I grew up, POurim was just the megilla, and kids dressing up, and that's it... boring.

Now my dh promised me we will do something great every time, and even dress up and find a place where other adults do so.

To enjoy Purim you need a community that does things "your way", or to go to another community - possible as it's not yomtov!

as for cleaning up vomit... the vomitter cleans up, in my idea of things... bh I never dealt or witnessed.
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Imawoman




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 2:01 pm
Ewww. One Purim a guy threw up inside my parents car. We were so disgusted. The boy's parents were mortified and paid for our car to be professionally cleaned.

I find Purim to be such a chillul Hashem. Each year the cops are just waiting to hand out DUI charges, as well as catch those minors who are drinking and smoking behind shuls and in parks. The sidewalks are lined with vomit. This is true for Simchas Torah as well.

There are many positives to the day, but I feel that they are marred by the excessive drinking. B"H, this is my first purim married. I don't have any kids yet, so I will be able to enjoy it with my husband. We haven't yet decided which minyan we want to go to, but it will most likely be an adult-only one. That way we can focus on the megilla reading. IY"H, there will be plenty of opportunities in the future to go to children friendly readings.

I think of Purim as a bitter-sweet party for our long history of survival despite persecution, pogroms, blood libels, etc.
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tovasmom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 2:10 pm
I also find Purim very stressful. DH has gotten drunk every year and if the seuda is in our house it means I have to get all the kids to bed -- even dh, who I consider one of the kids that day, and the little ones are generally hyper on candy on Purim, so it isn't easy, and clean up, etc., myself into the wee hours. And if we happen to go elsewhere, it means I have the car keys and need to deal with all the same issues. dh used to insist I come along for the MM delivery also, but we live in Flatbush and the traffic and the crazies running around made it even more stressful for me and I'd be tense and jumpy..... But I learned as I got older that I need to function within my limitations in order to be happy and I also decided that since Purim is a mitzva I need to focus on it as a positive experience. So I try to get a sitter to watch the littlest dd while I go to a quieter, more controlled minyan for Megilla, and I beg off the MM run. Realizing my limitations and modifying my environment a bit makes it a better experience for me, and the kids get to see their Imma with a smile on her face. The same is true for Pesach. I have made a concerted effort to make Pesach and its preparations a positive experience for myself and the kids because I don't want them to grow up thinking of it as a negative -- it is also a big Mitzva.
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amother






Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 3:07 pm
chocolate moose wrote:
Oh, I know ..... I would say a non-frum Purim is more fun, but I guess that's kfrira ....
I have to say that you are correct. Non-frum Jews don't get as drunk, outside of a few drinks to celebrate. I've been to Conservative shuls for the Megillah reading and eveyone is together, kids running around, having a good time. My husband and I pass our kids back and forth, watch them play with the other children. Very relaxed, although a little raucous and noisy for really little kids to deal with.

I hope I'm allowed to say this.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 4:55 pm
Hey, I said it !
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amother






Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 5:41 pm
Yes, you did and I think you were right!
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chocolate moose




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Mar 05 2008, 6:58 pm
Shall we one-up and say how Pesach has gotten ... "out of hand" with the chumras ?
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Raisin




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:46 am
amother wrote:
chocolate moose wrote:
Oh, I know ..... I would say a non-frum Purim is more fun, but I guess that's kfrira ....
I have to say that you are correct. Non-frum Jews don't get as drunk, outside of a few drinks to celebrate. I've been to Conservative shuls for the Megillah reading and eveyone is together, kids running around, having a good time. My husband and I pass our kids back and forth, watch them play with the other children. Very relaxed, although a little raucous and noisy for really little kids to deal with.

I hope I'm allowed to say this.


Almost all the people in my community are not frum, although the Shul is orthodox. Nobody gets drunk on Purim, but otoh, we have to work hard to get everyone to enjoy purim and participate. Quite a job!

bh I don't have to deal with vomit. Dh never gets drunk.
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grin




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:57 am
chocolate moose wrote:
Shall we one-up and say how Pesach has gotten ... "out of hand" with the chumras ?

I agree with you about both Purim and Pesach.
Purim - I think looking at it as bitter-sweet may mitigate the disappointment of "where's the big party"?
Pesach - I try very hard to do my "spring-cleaning" in the summer and my closet-organizing in the winter, so before Pesach I can concern myself just with the chametz.
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