My four year old is impossible

amother

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 12:47 am

He's very impulsive and doesn't think twice before doing something.
He does things even though he knows good and well he's not allowed to.
I can tell him 3 times in a row not to do something and then he will still do it.
He's constantly making trouble.
He pushes all my buttons and I'm going crazy. Every day at the end of a long day he does one more thing that's the last straw and then I lose my temper. I grind my teeth in frustration. I get so angry at him and I yell at him. Then he cries and I feel so guilty and I ask myself why am I taking it so personally? He's just a kid and this is what kids do...but then I say to myself no, not all kids are like this, I see plenty of boys his age who behave for the most part, and I get angry all over again and wonder what is wrong with him and what's wrong with me!!

Here's just some of the things he's done within the past few days. (and remember he's 4, not a 2 yr old)
Emptied a bottle of laundry detergent into the toilet.
Flushed tons of tissues down the toilet.
Squeezed out tube of toothpaste all over counter.
Squeezed out conditioner into bathtub.
Emptied a package of Q tips into the garbage.
Opened the printer, pulled out pieces, and now the printer doesnt work.
Opened my closet and started throwing things out.
Ran away from me when trying to get him dressed, out the front door into the neighbors yard, with no socks, shoes, or coat, and its 30 degrees outside.
Didn't want to go to sleep so dropped his noise machine on the floor and it broke.
Stuck tons of small game pieces into the fan in his room.
Turned over his plate of eggs onto the floor.
Opened a bottle of oil and spilled it onto the floor.
Dropped my new blender on the floor.
Opens kitchen cabinets and throws items into the sink.
Throws things down the steps.
He's constantly pushing his siblings and bothering them.
He hurts the baby and then he laughs.

And this is a fraction of the trouble he makes. I can't keep up with him. He needs to be watched like a baby. His siblings are fed up with him. Me and DH have zero patience left. Just writing this is making me feel angry and frustrated and resentful.

Why is he doing all this? So I think to myself he's impulsive and attention seeking. But I give him so much attention. I always hug him, kiss him, play with him, read him stories etc. I always reward him with little treats for good behavior, listening right away, cleaning up...
I'm at my wits end with him. I need some chizuk.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 2:31 am

OP, that sounds so hard. I can’t give advice but that is very difficult
Hugs!

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:18 am

My son is 4. When I started reading your post I thought -impulsive-oh, this post might describe him. But this is more extreme than his behaviour. Is he able to entertain himself with a good activity (not a 'trouble' one) for 10-15 minutes? It sounds like he is wandering around the house entertaining himself. If you would set him up with a toy/craft, would he keep himself busy?

It sounds like for your sanity, you need a child proof room that you don't have to worry about him ruining/breaking things in. He sounds like he takes a lot of energy to keep on top of. Sorry I don't have too many suggestions. Hashem should give you lots of energy and patience. Hatzlacha!

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:20 am

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1499.....A34Q4

amother

Orange

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:20 am

Is he doing this at school too? If so, it sounds like there's a neurological reason. Punishing or yelling won't change the way his brain works in any meaningful way, but you will need a plan that works for his unique needs.

Zehava

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:21 am

So yes it does sound extreme for a four year old. Take him for a full physical checkup and then have him evaluated.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:22 am

Sounds like my child.

Seeing a family therapist and getting specific plan of actions for him is really helpful.

Stars

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:23 am

He needs OT and maybe a psychologist too. Hugs. None of this is your fault. Take him to a good pediatrician first. Not one who will dismiss you with a wave of their hand.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:24 am

Check for strep/pandas

amother

Rose

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 9:35 am

He seems to be sensory seeking. Have him evaluated for OT.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 10:41 am

While you are trying to get him evaluated, you need to child proof your house NOW.

Baby gates on important doorways. Knob locks, toilet locks, cabinet latches.

If he's using the bathroom on his own by now, he should tell you that you need to unlock the bathroom door for him - and then stand there and wait for him to come out. Don't give him the chance to play with chemicals in there!

Have a lower kitchen cabinet full of wooden spoons, plastic measuring cups, and tupperware. Let him "play kitchen" on the floor next to you while you are cooking and doing dishes. Give him diaper wipes, and have him clean the floor and the lower cabinets. Give him a small broom, and ask him to sweep all the crumbs into one corner. While folding laundry, give him the washcloths and dish towels to fold. He can play "match the socks", too.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 10:45 am

My four year old son is similar. I basically don't leave him alone for damage control purposes.
I take him for OT for sensory- I second that suggestion strongly.

amother

Coral

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 11:31 am

Do you have a discipline system with him? I like 1-2-3 Magic. The most important part is to be CONSISTENT. On the first few days you'll be busy with it all day, but eventually it will pay off.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 11:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I totally feel you! I have a child similar to this.
1- child proof and lock everything so there will be less disasters
2- get him evaluated for OT. I know it sounds like the prescription for everything but it'll help!!!

amother

Orange

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 11:43 am

I just want to comment that OT is not a magic solution for everything. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. OT will not make the part of brain responsible for impulse control work better. Sometimes you need a chemical solution for that.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 12:09 pm

Lots of good suggestions above. Here's my contribution:

I know that it can be hard during covid (and maybe cold weather, depending where you live) but is he getting enough physical activity? He might need more outdoor play time, if you can swing it.

He may also need help transitioning from one activity to another. Some kids get overwhelmed when too much is happening and they act out.

Hang in there!

mha3484

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 12:25 pm

If the issue is sensory seeking OT will help. If the issue is poor impulse control you should look into therapies geared more towards ADHD. Additude magazine has great information and so does the book the explosive child. My child who was super super impulsive at 4 is now 10 and is really a pleasure to be around. It just took a lot of trial and error.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 2:30 pm

My son was like this and I tried every therapy in the world until we finally put him on Ritalin when he was 7. He is 12 now and on a different ADHD medication (the dr. adjusted it as he got older) but he is doing great B"H.

amother

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 3:47 pm

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. How will OT help him?
Also is it possible that he already has ADHD? I heard they dont diagnose so young

amother

Orange

Sun, Jan 17 2021, 3:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. How will OT help him?
Also is it possible that he already has ADHD? I heard they dont diagnose so young

Yes ADHD is possible.