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Invitations: How to address non-binary invitees
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:04 pm
BH have a simcha coming up, and a close family friend recently began to self-identify as non-binary. What is the correct way to address invitations to them? Generally we are doing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (insert appropriate title). What is the correct way to address someone who refers to themselves as “they”? This person still uses their birth name (female - think Sally, Annabelle, etc). M. Sally Smith? Just Sally Smith? TIA
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:06 pm
I’m not well versed in pronoun etiquette but the M. sounds ok to me.

Mazal tov!
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jeweled




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:08 pm
Ask them how they want to be referred to formerly. Mazel tov!
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amother




Blue
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:09 pm
Mx
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devo1982




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:10 pm
I would just ask - "I want to respect the fact that you now identify as non-binary, what is your preferred greeting for an invitation (if any)?"
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amother




Gold
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:10 pm
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
Mx
This
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estherj




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:13 pm
jeweled wrote:
Ask them how they want to be referred to formerly. Mazel tov!

I think you meant formally?
If someone thinks they are Napoleon Bonaparte and asks to be referred to as His Imperial Majesty the Emperor I would humor him. I would do the same here.I am assuming there is no halachic issue with acknowledgment of her claim.
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number




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:17 pm
Either mx or the first and last name.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:27 pm
What does mx abbreviation mean?
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challahchallah




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:27 pm
Not everyone non-binary uses Mx. Just ask them what they prefer, the same way you would just reach out if you didn’t know their current address or the name of their partner.
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amother




Blue
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:30 pm
estherj wrote:
I think you meant formally?
If someone thinks they are Napoleon Bonaparte and asks to be referred to as His Imperial Majesty the Emperor I would humor him. I would do the same here.I am assuming there is no halachic issue with acknowledgment of her claim.


I laughed out loud! Reminds me of when someone addressed a wedding invitation to us as Rabbi and Rebbetzin ____ ________ esq to be” when my husband was in law school LOL
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amother




Blue
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:33 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
What does mx abbreviation mean?


It’s like Mr/Mrs/Ms, but the letters after M are x-ed out
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:33 pm
Just write their name if you want to be nice. Otherwise I would still write Ms. or whatever. The torah doesn’t have a name for “I decided I am a man”.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:36 pm
If it were me, I would just do first name, last name. I wouldn't bother asking for any preferences.

No need to enable/encourage or even acknowledge this kind of thing....
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amother




Mustard
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:39 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote:
If it were me, I would just do first name, last name. I wouldn't bother asking for any preferences.

No need to enable/encourage or even acknowledge this kind of thing....


Avoiding honorifics in general has something to be said for it. Then you don’t have to deal with figuring out which women want to be Mrs vs Ms, and which people with PhDs want to go by Dr, etc etc. However, you shouldn’t single out the non-binary guest to be the only person without an honorific unless they request it. That’s just rude.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:49 pm
amother [ Mustard ] wrote:
Avoiding honorifics in general has something to be said for it. Then you don’t have to deal with figuring out which women want to be Mrs vs Ms, and which people with PhDs want to go by Dr, etc etc. However, you shouldn’t single out the non-binary guest to be the only person without an honorific unless they request it. That’s just rude.

Will this person know how everybody else's invitations were addressed?

Honestly, I'd probably just use firstname-lastname too.
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:51 pm
DrMom wrote:
Will this person know how everybody else's invitations were addressed?

Honestly, I'd probably just use firstname-lastname too.


UNLESS the non-binary person has a PhD!
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amother




Brown
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 6:09 pm
What if they identify as a Dr but don’t have the credentials. How would you address the invite?
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 7:01 pm
Goodness this is getting ridiculous..
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amother




Maroon
 

Post Mon, Jan 18 2021, 7:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
BH have a simcha coming up, and a close family friend recently began to self-identify as non-binary. What is the correct way to address invitations to them? Generally we are doing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (insert appropriate title). What is the correct way to address someone who refers to themselves as “they”? This person still uses their birth name (female - think Sally, Annabelle, etc). M. Sally Smith? Just Sally Smith? TIA


The best thing and what the other person would appreciate is if you asked them .
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