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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:04 pm
BH have a simcha coming up, and a close family friend recently began to self-identify as non-binary. What is the correct way to address invitations to them? Generally we are doing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (insert appropriate title). What is the correct way to address someone who refers to themselves as “they”? This person still uses their birth name (female - think Sally, Annabelle, etc). M. Sally Smith? Just Sally Smith? TIA
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amother
Burlywood
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:06 pm
I’m not well versed in pronoun etiquette but the M. sounds ok to me.
Mazal tov!
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jeweled
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:08 pm
Ask them how they want to be referred to formerly. Mazel tov!
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devo1982
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:10 pm
I would just ask - "I want to respect the fact that you now identify as non-binary, what is your preferred greeting for an invitation (if any)?"
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amother
Gold
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:10 pm
amother [ Blue ] wrote: | Mx | This
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estherj
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:13 pm
jeweled wrote: | Ask them how they want to be referred to formerly. Mazel tov! |
I think you meant formally?
If someone thinks they are Napoleon Bonaparte and asks to be referred to as His Imperial Majesty the Emperor I would humor him. I would do the same here.I am assuming there is no halachic issue with acknowledgment of her claim.
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number
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:17 pm
Either mx or the first and last name.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:27 pm
What does mx abbreviation mean?
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challahchallah
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:27 pm
Not everyone non-binary uses Mx. Just ask them what they prefer, the same way you would just reach out if you didn’t know their current address or the name of their partner.
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:30 pm
estherj wrote: | I think you meant formally?
If someone thinks they are Napoleon Bonaparte and asks to be referred to as His Imperial Majesty the Emperor I would humor him. I would do the same here.I am assuming there is no halachic issue with acknowledgment of her claim. |
I laughed out loud! Reminds me of when someone addressed a wedding invitation to us as Rabbi and Rebbetzin ____ ________ esq to be” when my husband was in law school
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amother
Blue
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:33 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote: | What does mx abbreviation mean? |
It’s like Mr/Mrs/Ms, but the letters after M are x-ed out
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notshanarishona
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:33 pm
Just write their name if you want to be nice. Otherwise I would still write Ms. or whatever. The torah doesn’t have a name for “I decided I am a man”.
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amother
Aqua
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:36 pm
If it were me, I would just do first name, last name. I wouldn't bother asking for any preferences.
No need to enable/encourage or even acknowledge this kind of thing....
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amother
Mustard
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:39 pm
amother [ Aqua ] wrote: | If it were me, I would just do first name, last name. I wouldn't bother asking for any preferences.
No need to enable/encourage or even acknowledge this kind of thing.... |
Avoiding honorifics in general has something to be said for it. Then you don’t have to deal with figuring out which women want to be Mrs vs Ms, and which people with PhDs want to go by Dr, etc etc. However, you shouldn’t single out the non-binary guest to be the only person without an honorific unless they request it. That’s just rude.
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DrMom
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:49 pm
amother [ Mustard ] wrote: | Avoiding honorifics in general has something to be said for it. Then you don’t have to deal with figuring out which women want to be Mrs vs Ms, and which people with PhDs want to go by Dr, etc etc. However, you shouldn’t single out the non-binary guest to be the only person without an honorific unless they request it. That’s just rude. |
Will this person know how everybody else's invitations were addressed?
Honestly, I'd probably just use firstname-lastname too.
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sequoia
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 5:51 pm
DrMom wrote: | Will this person know how everybody else's invitations were addressed?
Honestly, I'd probably just use firstname-lastname too. |
UNLESS the non-binary person has a PhD!
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amother
Brown
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 6:09 pm
What if they identify as a Dr but don’t have the credentials. How would you address the invite?
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hodeez
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 7:01 pm
Goodness this is getting ridiculous..
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amother
Maroon
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Mon, Jan 18 2021, 7:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | BH have a simcha coming up, and a close family friend recently began to self-identify as non-binary. What is the correct way to address invitations to them? Generally we are doing Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (insert appropriate title). What is the correct way to address someone who refers to themselves as “they”? This person still uses their birth name (female - think Sally, Annabelle, etc). M. Sally Smith? Just Sally Smith? TIA |
The best thing and what the other person would appreciate is if you asked them .
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