What to do I'm taking it too personally

amother

Fri, Jan 22 2021, 2:18 am

My two teen children decided it's to boring for them to be home shabbos. They either wanna go to spend shabbos with friends or cousins. I dont know why they wanna get away.

We do have shulem bayis
We do bond with our kids shabbos
We do sing and make shabbos nice
I do have good food
I do shabbos party ect

I dont know what we are doing wrong that it doesn't pull my kids to stay home shabbos . Dh told them already that they can go away for a shabbos once or twice a month not weekly, which I think is fair. When they tell me they made plans to go away, I really become sad , halfway depressed. I'm trying to think what Im doing so wrong that they have the urge to go , I did ask them directly, they just say they're bored . What else is their to do shabbos other then sleep, eat, or read, we do family time together .
When shabbos comes it really makes me sad that my big kids are looking to get away. I don't know how normal this is . Looking for tips on how we can make shabbos more exciting in our house?

Chickensoupprof

Fri, Jan 22 2021, 2:42 am

First of all teens are just doing this. And I don’t know if you are in total lockdown, but when you do they basically maybe want to escape the place where they are there. I don’t know if you have a bunch of younger kids and their friends not but sometimes I guess when you have lots of younger kids, older kids don’t feel they have lot of room to speak up... It’s not about you it’s about they want to explore boundaries and the like,

Makehumusnotwar

Fri, Jan 22 2021, 2:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is sooooo normal for teenagers. They will naturally want to be with their friends and cousins. Please don't be insulted. Its a good thing. They are establishing their own identities and want to be independent. Enjoy spending time with your husband and little kids.

amother

Azure

Fri, Jan 22 2021, 3:33 am

Many teens want to be with their friends. You will always have the homebodies, but I'd say over half of teens prefer hanging out with friends over hanging out with family, given the choice.

I second what others have said - let them invite their friends over to stay Shabbat at your place. Or is there a reason they/you don't want to do that?

Also, have they no friends within walking distance? Can't they just go to a friend for one of the meals?

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, Jan 22 2021, 6:22 am

Once or twice a month is a lot.
I used to like going away for shabbos just because, home is "boring". Duh, for a teenager anywhere her friends aren't is "boring".
Parents kindly told me Shabbos is family time, and I can visit friends shabbos afternoon or after Friday night meal in the winter. I did go away a few times, but each time was either an occasion (mid winter, simcha, etc) or a very rare occasion.
I do remember one time where I asked mom and she just said "ok" and baked a cake for me to take along and I was so THRILLED and it helped me build a great friendship. I guess that's why mom was very okay with it that one time.

ETA- I allow my own daughter to eat out a meal occasionally, but I definitely miss her and it doesn't happen very often.