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PinkFridge
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 Sat, Jan 23 2021, 9:58 pm
OP, socially distanced hugs!
Is there anyone IRL you know who's like-minded enough that you can discuss this with?
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ora_43
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 1:35 am
I'd talk to the rosh yeshiva. Yeshivas that are still open are mostly working with capsules. Boys who are exposed stay "quarantined" inside the yeshiva itself. IOW they don't worry about spread between the students, but they don't let the students leave, either.
If the yeshiva is doing that, and the issue is that you've been pulling your son out to quarantine at home whenever someone else gets sick, I'd ask him if he wants to stop doing that. He should be aware that, on the one hand, he's very low-risk, but on the other hand, there might be a vaccine soon that would have even lower risks.
OTOH, if you're asking if it's ok that your son who gets exposed at yeshiva leave yeshiva and wander around the community - nope, absolutely not, no way no how. You and your husband are immune, but plenty of people still aren't. Same answer if he personally would stay in the yeshiva post-exposure, but other students wouldn't be so responsible.
(BTW if you're in Israel and your son is 16-18 years old, check to see if he's eligible for the vaccine right now.)
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ora_43
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 2:47 am
So just thinking about it more, the steps I think I'd take if the yeshiva isn't being responsible (ie, if there are no 'capsules' and they aren't just letting the students get it, they're letting the students go in and out of yeshiva):
1. Talk to the rosh yeshiva.
2. Talk to other parents, see if anyone would join you in pushing back. Even if it's just to get the yeshiva to 'allow' a handful of families to be responsible, ie for their sons to create a real, sealed capsule together.
3. Check with your doctor to see how soon your kid can get vaccinated.
4. If there's no way the yeshiva will change its policy, and no way he's getting vaccinated anytime soon, I'd seriously consider switching yeshivas. If he's at all open to that.
5. In the meantime, do whatever you can to get him to stay physically active, leave the house regularly, and be in contact with friends. And keep an eye out for any serious mental health symptoms, like loss of interest in daily activities, sleeping all the time, etc.
Sorry. It's a rough situation.
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amother
Apricot
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 3:28 am
We have a similar situation with our daughter. We are taking full precautions and are very careful, while her h.s. does not take it seriously, and is taking none. It’s been something of a balancing act.
We told her she can mask and sd at school, or she can mask and sd at home. She chose to not mask and sd at school (so as not to be different from everyone else), but she did mask and sd everywhere outside school (including home). The only unmasked exposure she had was at school. Per advice of pediatrician, if she was exposed at school, she quarantined - except for going to school; with the rationale that the only place she was exposed was there, and everyone else there had had the same exposure, so keeping her home so as not to expose everyone, who had already been exposed, made no sense. She did quarantine, however, except for school (including from us).
When (as was inevitable given the lack of precautions at her school) she did come down with COVID, she isolated at home, and B”H, thanks to all the precautions we had been taking (both then and since she went back to school in September) noone else caught it from her. Our daughter is aware of our attitude towards COVID and responsibility and is a bit miffed with her school for putting her (and us) in this position, but overall - although it has been difficult - she seems to be doing OK. At school (only) she is allowed to do as her friends do, but at home and in the wider community, she has to be very careful, so as not to chas v’shalom be responsible for unintentionally passing on a potentially fatal disease to anyone else . . . I think allowing her to do what her friends do - while at school, is important for a teenager and shows her we care about her feelings, while having her take precautions everywhere else teaches her responsibility and caring for others (and keeps her from harming anyone else) . . .
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 5:46 am
| amother [ Apricot ] wrote: | We have a similar situation with our daughter. We are taking full precautions and are very careful, while her h.s. does not take it seriously, and is taking none. It’s been something of a balancing act.
We told her she can mask and sd at school, or she can mask and sd at home. She chose to not mask and sd at school (so as not to be different from everyone else), but she did mask and sd everywhere outside school (including home). The only unmasked exposure she had was at school. Per advice of pediatrician, if she was exposed at school, she quarantined - except for going to school; with the rationale that the only place she was exposed was there, and everyone else there had had the same exposure, so keeping her home so as not to expose everyone, who had already been exposed, made no sense. She did quarantine, however, except for school (including from us).
When (as was inevitable given the lack of precautions at her school) she did come down with COVID, she isolated at home, and B”H, thanks to all the precautions we had been taking (both then and since she went back to school in September) noone else caught it from her. Our daughter is aware of our attitude towards COVID and responsibility and is a bit miffed with her school for putting her (and us) in this position, but overall - although it has been difficult - she seems to be doing OK. At school (only) she is allowed to do as her friends do, but at home and in the wider community, she has to be very careful, so as not to chas v’shalom be responsible for unintentionally passing on a potentially fatal disease to anyone else . . . I think allowing her to do what her friends do - while at school, is important for a teenager and shows her we care about her feelings, while having her take precautions everywhere else teaches her responsibility and caring for others (and keeps her from harming anyone else) . . . |
Wait, she's refusing to mask and SD at school, she gets sick, and then she gets mad at the school and you?
Did I read that right, or am I missing something?
Just my parenting two cents, even though you didn't ask: Letting your teenager do something dangerous just because her friends do it is not what I call great chinuk. Instead, she could set an example and be a positive role model, maybe even inspiring her friends to care about other people's lives, too.
You can show her you care about her feelings, without allowing risky behavior. Show her you care about her health, and the health of others, and that is more important then "feelings".
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 5:54 am
| amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | She is mad miffed that the school is not taking enough precautions. |
OK, she's miffed, but she's refusing to take her own precautions. How does she figure the logic there?
(Silly question, I know. Teens don't "do" logic very well. That's why they still need parents and rules.)
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imaima
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 6:02 am
| amother [ Apricot ] wrote: | We have a similar situation with our daughter. We are taking full precautions and are very careful, while her h.s. does not take it seriously, and is taking none. It’s been something of a balancing act.
We told her she can mask and sd at school, or she can mask and sd at home. She chose to not mask and sd at school (so as not to be different from everyone else), but she did mask and sd everywhere outside school (including home). The only unmasked exposure she had was at school. Per advice of pediatrician, if she was exposed at school, she quarantined - except for going to school; with the rationale that the only place she was exposed was there, and everyone else there had had the same exposure, so keeping her home so as not to expose everyone, who had already been exposed, made no sense. She did quarantine, however, except for school (including from us).
When (as was inevitable given the lack of precautions at her school) she did come down with COVID, she isolated at home, and B”H, thanks to all the precautions we had been taking (both then and since she went back to school in September) noone else caught it from her. Our daughter is aware of our attitude towards COVID and responsibility and is a bit miffed with her school for putting her (and us) in this position, but overall - although it has been difficult - she seems to be doing OK. At school (only) she is allowed to do as her friends do, but at home and in the wider community, she has to be very careful, so as not to chas v’shalom be responsible for unintentionally passing on a potentially fatal disease to anyone else . . . I think allowing her to do what her friends do - while at school, is important for a teenager and shows her we care about her feelings, while having her take precautions everywhere else teaches her responsibility and caring for others (and keeps her from harming anyone else) . . . |
I don't get it
She wore a mask at home for months? Every day and on weekend? But not in school, to be like her friends?
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DrMom
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 6:40 am
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It is horrible that some schools are acting so irresponsibly and putting parents in the awkward position of either playing Russian roulettes every time they send their child off the school, or looking for an entirely different school in the middle of the year.
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PinkFridge
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Sun, Jan 24 2021, 8:26 am
| ora_43 wrote: | | I'd talk to the rosh yeshiva. Yeshivas that are still open are mostly working with capsules. Boys who are exposed stay "quarantined" inside the yeshiva itself. IOW they don't worry about spread between the students, but they don't let the students leave, either. |
This is not the reality in many places chutz l'aretz.
No 20 questions please.
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