3 under 4 tips wanted

Good Friend

Sat, Jan 23 2021, 9:12 pm

BezH I'm expecting #3 in a few months. When the baby is due the other kids will have just turned 3.5 and 2. I was hoping some of you could share some tips for handle this stage. I'm a bit nervous because we got managing the other two down somewhat pat, but we are also 2 parents, and we do a lot of each parent takes 1 kid, for bedtime, at the supper table, etc. But now we'll be outnumbered... also like I can take 2 toddlers shopping myself since both fit in the shopping cart with the groceries, but 3 don't. We're currently working on making sure our 2 kids will be sleeping through the night in their own beds so I won't have to share my bed with 3 visiting children. I really want to be organized and have things as much under control as possible. Any suggestions from BTDT mothers? Thank you!

amother

Gold

Sat, Jan 23 2021, 9:19 pm

Reading your post, it sounds like you have it all under control! Which is fantastic.

But I think that the main thing #3 will teach you is about rolling with the punches. About learning to stay calm when all 3 are screaming. About not being able to take care of everyone all the time.

And this tip will stand you in very good stead IYH for the future.

Here's the tip: Remember the Third Partner in this. Hashem can handle 1 kid, 3 kids, or 7 billion kids. And He doesn't expect more than you can handle. So when it gets overwhelming, check your expectations. You cannot possibly be expected to carry 3 kids at once. So you aren't! You cannot possibly be expected to nurse a baby while making dinner. So you aren't!

And see this thread for more advice.
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....81383

ETA: And read this: https://jewishmom.com/2018/01/.....dler/

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 2:20 am

amother [ Gold ] wrote:

Here's the tip: Remember the Third Partner in this. Hashem can handle 1 kid, 3 kids, or 7 billion kids.

I love that!

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 3:51 am

To tell you the truth, I managed this stage because I was very organized. By the time the 3rd child was born, the older two had a bedtime that was set it stone. Sometimes we had to stagger it but still, they mostly went to sleep ans stayed asleep very well.

I had a sitter every now and then.
Kids walked next to me when I went shoppinbg, I didn't put everyone in a cart. Or I shopped when other kids where in daycare.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 4:56 am

When my oldest just turned 4, I had #3.
For me the hardest part was getting everyone into the car. We had a small car at the time and strapping everyone in car seats was really hard. More than once I lost my rings or bracelet as I squeezed my hand in between 2 car seats to click the seat belt. If you can buy a mini van before the baby is born, do it.
I don’t remember anything being exceptionally hard aside for when someone was sick. The older 2 were entertaining each other a lot by then and were fascinated with the baby.
Lots of grocery orders, little sleep, but it’s a nice stage of my life to look back at.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 6:09 am

Hi! I'm in similar shoes Smile

I just had #3 with a 3.5 and 1.5 year old.
I found the transition much harder than from 1 to 2.
My second one also doesn't talk yet and just cries when they don't get what they want.

My husband also started a new job out of state so he's gone from Monday through Thursday so I single parent (aka juggle.)

Not gonna lie - it's really hard. My 2 older ones both started waking up in the middle of the night. The middle one started jumping out of crib so I had to switch to a bed. I basically spend all night jumping from bed to bed and then running back to my room cause the baby's up. It's worse when my DH isn't home so it's probably related to them missing him though sleep regression are very common with a new baby. It wasn't getting better so I started implementing new tactics this week to keep them in their beds. Praying it works. My point is - don't wait 2 months like I did to realize it's not working. Get a book or hire a couch before the new habit gets ingrained.

Otherwise, I find that they need to be kept occupied when I'm feeding the baby and not be expected to entertain themselves (even if they were able to before). I need to say, go play with xyz and then now it's time to switch to ABC.

I leave all the mess until they are asleep, unless they are cleaning with me. Those quick 5 minutes here and there that I stole to cleanup and focus my attention elsewhere always ended up with a fight between the older 2 that took much longer to break up and calm them down.

I also batch prep supper in the freezer so all I have to do is throw it in the oven and put up a pot of rice /french fries in airfryer.

I prep everything I need for the next day the night before. I have a nightly list of things to do every night like prep their clothes, knapsacks, coat and also by the days of the week - laundry, soak chulent beans, garbage pickup etc.

Try to keep to a consistent routine as much as possible so they know what to expect. Change is really hard on them and makes them much crankier.

When we do go somewhere at night, I take their pj's and change them before we leave to go home. That way they can go straight to bed when we get home. I also set up diaper changing stations everywhere. I have one near my bed, one in the kids room and a basket under my couch.

I try not to have to take all 3 to a store with me but if I do, the baby goes in a baby carrier on me and then I just have to worry about the other 2 like before.

Move some food to a place where they can reach it (like snack bags) I also moved the yogurts to the bottom of the fridge and straws to a lower drawer. The first 2 days they'll ask to open everything but then they stop and only take when they're hungry and you can't help.

Basically, try to optimize everything you do so you waste less time on everyday activities and have more time for the kids.

Good Friend

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 9:36 am

Thank you all for the tips! Yes definitely we are raising Hashem's children, good to bear in mind when it gets tough.
I think I will have it a little easier because my husband and I are both home teaching lots of little classes with breaks in between (that's how our shlichus works right now) so he can help out when he's available.
I guess I will probably do more baby wearing than before.
And try to be organized.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 10:27 am

I read a tip here on imamother, many years ago that really helped me when I was at this stage. When you are helping one kid and the other starts crying, finish with one kid before going to the next kid.
it sounds simple, but I used to run back and forth helping both making myself crazy.

happy chick

Sun, Jan 24 2021, 10:36 am

Most of it is live-n-learn. It's all trial and error. There's only so much that you can prepare yourself ahead of time. Having the older ones toilet trained and sleep trained all helps , but there's only one way to really find out what works and what doesn't.

Lakewood2

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 5:53 pm

Chessed Girls!

amother

Lavender

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 6:14 pm

I just gave birth to #3. Kids are turning 4 and 18m. Not gonna lie, it's a hard transition!!

Both my kids play independently already, sleep in their own beds (no cribs), 18m still has diaper and pacifier though.

Get suppers lined up, either in freezer or a meal train. Anticipate the first few weeks to be hard on everyone. When you nurse, give attention to the other kids. Lots more baby wearing this time around.

Good luck. We'll both get thru this lol

GLUE

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 7:50 pm

If you have a small car, get booster seats with a 5 point harness and a base for the infant seat and leave them buckled in at all times.

amother

Peach

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 7:54 pm

Due soon with #3 and I have a 2.5 year old and 1.5 year old so thank you for starting this thread!

Any suggestions for what to do when you're nursing in those first few weeks when you need to concentrate to latch well? When they're older it's easier to just nurse anywhere but I find those first couple weeks so challenging

Good Friend

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 9:28 pm

Thanks for reviving this thread!

I laughed from the chesed girls and meal train suggestions - we're Chabad on shlichus in the middle of nowhere, no other frum people or people who keep kosher to our standards. But I definitely plan on stocking my freezer as much as I can.

To the one who asked about nursing - bh I haven't had major challenges with nursing so far but I use a boppy nursing pillow, and just carry it to whichever room I plan to nurse in and sit on my bed, a child's bed or the couch. I have small blankets laying around just because the kids like to play with them, and cover myself and the baby until he/she is well latched. Worked fine so far.

#BestBubby

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 10:10 pm

My DD had 4 kids, age 4 and under.

You can put 2 kids in the double seat of a shopping cart and baby seat in the main part of cart.

Hatzlochah!

amother

Seashell

Sat, Jan 30 2021, 11:04 pm

Even if your on shlichus in Yenemsvelt there must be some nice middle aged lady who's lonely and happy to come in 2 hrs a day and play Duplo with the little ones. Will just make you breathe easier.

Re nursing I always kept near the couch a basket with special toys books and snacks (think raisins, fruit nuggets) for when im feeding. Kids start with snack while I settle baby on for a feed, then I can ready to the older ones or facilitate play.

You must eat and drink well yourself thru the day Pg for optimum energy. Whatever it takes.
Prep hummus and carrot sticks in eve for next day. Granola in freezer,. Soups. Etc.