Yeshiva wants DS to take medication for ADD

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amother

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:42 pm

My 11 yr old ds is having a harder time in class with focusing and behavior issues. He is always being sent out of class. Also he has a hard time with his classmates. He is always getting into fights with them. He will be playing and accidentally knock into someone and they will punch him and he will punch back and he will be the one who gets in trouble.
We were told he needs to go on medication.
The doctor wants to put him on adderall but I am so nervous about it.
The yeshiva that he goes to is very hard with long hours and large classes.
What should we do? Is there an alternative to medicating him which I really don't want to do.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:55 pm

Has he been evaluated? He needs a proper evaluation first. There can be a million reasons for his behavior, it's not necessarily ADD. If you do start medication (which is a lifesaver for many kids) please only only use a psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician. Do NOT get medication from the pediatrician. This is highly specialized. The same way a neurologist would prescribe and manage seizure medication, a psychiatrist should be the one prescribing and managing medication for ADD.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:56 pm

There are alternatives you could try but they are not easy fixes. We’ve personally seen impressive changes by following the protocol in this book https://www.amazon.com/Finally.....r=8-1 and a couple of other interventions.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:58 pm

It sounds you owe it to your son to give the meds a try. It doesn’t sound fair to him to not do this for him.

chocolatecake

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:58 pm

Is there a different Yeshiva he can switch to? Maybe the long day and hard learning is just too much for him.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:01 pm

Sometimes medication can help build a child. However get a proper evaluation by a professional and not just a yeshivas say so
Also, have an expert manage the medications. Adderall is often one tried first however many don't necessarily respond well. It's trial and error until you figure out the optimal medication and dosage. Someone with good experience can be invaluable with that

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:50 pm

For all the Smithers who don’t trust the yeshiva. No dr will just give medication. They will evaluate your child. You will need to have various educators who know your son fill out forms. Then the dr will see if it makes sense and will start with the lowest dosage.
People here act like the drs, and the schools are completely ignorant and also out to hurt your child.
The opposite is true, but some of the advice here is very harmful

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 12:03 am

I am not opposed to medication, but the first thing I would do is transfer to a less demanding school with short hours.

amother

Pink

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 12:04 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

No, a pediatrician will not thoroughly evaluate a child. Yes, he'll have people fill out forms. That is not enough to rule out other disorders that can mimic ADD. I've seen first-hand how many times a pediatrician messed this up. There's nothing harmful about letting op know that a specialist should be the one who evaluates and prescribes. Just like anyone whose child has a heart condition would see a cardiologist, not rely on the pediatrician to diagnose and prescribe the right pill at the right dosage. Specialists exist for a reason.

amother

Black

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 12:09 am

IME, doctors are quite happy to medicate.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 12:24 am

Take your son to a child psychiatrist for a proper evaluation. Teachers and principals are not doctors and cannot decide your son has ADD and needs meds.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:23 am

The alternative is switching to a school that is more appropriate for him. That is what I did for my son. We tried medication for a while and it didn't help. He is so much happier and more mature since we switched . It was the best decision and I'm sorry we didn't do it earlier. My son has hfa and adhd

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:28 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

Take your son to a child psychiatrist for a proper evaluation. Teachers and principals are not doctors and cannot decide your son has ADD and needs meds.

It's actually illegal for a teacher to decide your child has add. They can only suggest evaluation through proper channels. Anything other than that is illegal.

paperflowers

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:32 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

It's actually illegal for a teacher to decide your child has add. They can only suggest evaluation through proper channels. Anything other than that is illegal.

I’d like to add, that even a school psychologist can only recommend an evaluation through proper channels. Certainly not a teacher or even principal.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:53 am

paperflowers wrote:

I’d like to add, that even a school psychologist can only recommend an evaluation through proper channels. Certainly not a teacher or even principal.

Yes! Also parents have no legal obligation to disclose their child's diagnosis or if their child is on meds.

In fact if you do go the meds route. Wait a while before sharing that information with the teacher. See if they notice changes on their own and what they notice.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 8:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is there an alternative to medicating him which I really don't want to do.

Our child was diagnosed with ADHD combined type at age 6 by an experienced specialist at the Children's Hospital in our area. He offered medication as an option, as well as a 6 week parenting class. We took the parenting class, and it was extremely helpful. The strategies we learned really improved our interactions with our child at home and reduced our struggles with certain parts of the daily routine that had previously been very challenging.

The class also offered a section on how to work with one's school to develop and implement accommodations and a daily report card system to assist the child in school. We did not wind up implementing this part, as our child's teachers were already somewhat accommodating the challenges and also the standard classroom practices and environment were a good fit for an ADHD child.

When we told the specialist of our decision not to medicate right away, he said he thought that was reasonable in our case, although meds would have been reasonable too. He remarked in passing that sometimes parents who medicate right after diagnosis do not follow through with any of the other tools and strategies because they expect the medication to fix everything and that, in our child's case, he thought it would be fine to see how well our changes worked before making additional decisions.

DH and I are not anti-medication at all, if it is necessary. DH himself was medicated for ADHD in the past and I have thought about it and continue to consider it for myself. We are open to medicating our children if they need it.

One thing that was very relevant to our decision not to medicate at this stage, is that our child was not being impaired academically or socially by the ADHD and had no other issues. I can see how, for a child with other learning disabilities or diagnoses, the ADHD might be a bad exacerbating factor. Every situation should be talked through with a competent specialist.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 9:11 am

Another thing. If you think that you or DH might have ADHD, it is worth finding out and pursuing treatment, which may or may not include medication. While all children benefit from structure, predictability, and routines, ADHD children need them much more than the typical child and ADHD parents can really struggle with meeting this need. Helping the parent can help the child. DH and I are very much a work in progress, but we have been working on ourselves in this area to make a more predictable environment in our home for all our children.

amother

Pink

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 9:19 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I disagree with not informing the teachers. He's spending the vast majority of his day in school and they're the ones who will observe changes that can really make a big difference in tweaking the medication and dosage. That's not something to sit on- their input is really valuable and it's imperative to work out the kinks early on. They may not be forthcoming with this information if they aren't asked directly and made to feel a part of the team.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 9:56 am

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

I think you get better objective observation when you wait a few weeks to let teacher know.

In addition you still want them to be making modifications and offering strategies to the child. For many teachers once the meds are in play everything else goes out the window.

Now they have a "normal" student and can move on as planned.

amother

Pink

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 11:31 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Maybe. I've had the opposite experience though. Teachers who understand that parents are making a real effort are more willing to go the extra mile for that family. There's a certain frustration in working with parents who aren't forthcoming about the information they have and the strategies they're trying. Including the teachers creates a team effort.

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