S/O feeling son he has asd

amother

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 4:51 pm

I know a child who comes from a challenging background. Her parents are not capable of taking care of her for many reasons and she lives with grandparents. She is 5 and knows that she’s different. Her grandparents still have a few children living at home (youngest 9) and their house is not very structured anymore. The child is a smart kid who has definitely reached all her milestones at the right ages and isn’t lacking in any area. At home and with all her cousins she does amazing. She does have some behavioral issues that manifest themself in school and her teachers are pushing for her to get a diagnosis of ASD so she can get ABA therapy. She does have some OT in school already.
Grandma doesn’t want to label the kid and feels like she just needs a more patient teacher who will show her more love. The teacher is pretty tough. The school is threatening her that they won’t be able to keep her in school.
Wwyd?

amother

Orchid

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 4:54 pm

Talk to the parents about getting her evaluated by the board of education.
Most schools take care of the process.
There is no shame in getting services.
This can give her a boost for her future.
She doesnt need an official diagnosis to receive services. (Depending where she lives.)

amother

Ginger

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 4:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If the child reached all her milestones, is lovely and functioning at home, and only has behavioral issues at school - and the teacher is tough, and the school threatening - I would try to find her a more accepting, warmer school.

IME the grandparents have a point, and labelling often does no good at all.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 5:03 pm

Maybe she can switch to a different class/teacher?
Also, what are the behavior issues? Like, having trouble taking turns, or aggressive/violent behavior? Big difference between the two. The teacher should be able to handle the former. If its something like the latter, yes, an evaluation is warranted, imo.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 5:35 pm

I don't understand the hesitation in doing an evaluation. Not every evaluation ends in a diagnosis, but at least it can inform them as to the child's strengths, areas of deficit, and recommendations for the future.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 5:39 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Exactly THIS.

The only thing a label is good for, is getting better services, and understanding your child better.

If anything, at least get an evaluation to rule it out, and then you can go on to find out what support is appropriate.

(And why on earth is the school being hard on a 5 year old?)

amother

Ruby

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 5:44 pm

Maybe the grandmother fel this way when her own child, the girl's parent, was little. Maybe could have helped. Burying one's head in the sand because one does not want exposure to others, can, c"v, be grave.

amother

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:05 pm

The child is unstructured and has a mind of her own. The school can get her a dx even if she isn’t actually asd. That’s what they told the grandma. Grandma would switch schools but doesn’t have a school that would work out and her kids are also in this school.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:37 pm

"Mind of her own" can mean a lot of things. Is she defiant? Disruptive? Bothering other kids? Is the grandma downplaying what the school is telling her, because she would rather not hear it? It really depends on the specifics.

autism mom

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:45 pm

Just wondering why the school would want to give her a diagnosis of ASD? She cant qualify for an IEP without a diagnosis? Labeling students wi th autism shouldn't be taking lightly. Tell the teacher/principal from that school to spend one day with my child then she will learn what autism is..

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:51 pm

autism mom wrote:

Also how can the school get her an asd diagnosis of she isn't really asd?

Yeah, that's really not how it works. If they see concerns and want an evaluation done, that's fine but they shouldn't be already jumping to a diagnosis beforehand.

amother

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:52 pm

autism mom wrote:

Also how can the school get her an asd diagnosis of she isn't really asd?

Apparently there’s a way to just pay $500 and get one.
I know the kid very well. She’s wild but normal. She needs structure and a family unit that she feels part of as opposed to living with Bubby when everyone she knows has a mommy and tatty. She’s always asking aunts if they could be her mommy and if she could be their kid. That’s not an option for her though as her parents are her legal guardians and wouldn’t give that up. She’s desperate for a sense of belonging but she’s not autistic by any stretch. ABA therapy helps with conditioning behaviors so they feel like it’ll help her toe the line more.

autism mom

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:57 pm

I heard recently a lot of schools doing it. Pressuring agencies and evaluators to give the 'troublemaker kid' an asd diagnosis so they will get therapy faster. How is that fair to the kid who doesn't really have autism? And how is that fair to the kid who really has autism. Like my child (7)) who can barley talk, stims a lot has insomnia, can run off at any given time etc etc .? I find my child's agencies and school district is so overwhelmed by kids with fake asd diagnosis. They aren't giving as much services as they used to because of this

amother

Ecru

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:57 pm

Grandmother should probably show the school she is on board by getting an evaluation. I can't believe a school said to get a specific diagnosis. Schools aren't slowed to. They can just say what they see and ask you to get evaluated.

Also, grandmother should get child I therapy die her emotions, and tell the school.I

It's very important to show school that you take their concerns seriously.

I'm a teacher. We can't stand parents who refuse to get their child help and evaluations. (The type that refuse title 1, thought of professional evaluation, etc.)

amother

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 6:59 pm

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

The child has a therapist in school and is getting all services the school recommended. This is just one thing the grandma doesn’t feel is necessary.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Jan 28 2021, 7:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So they don't need to get the evaluation that comes along with a guaranteed diagnosis. Let them find their own psychologist who will do an accurate, thorough evaluation. If the evaluator has all the information, the school should respect whatever the outcome is.