Manipulation or distress

amother

Plum

Tue, Feb 02 2021, 4:21 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

I really like what you've posted here. Especially the bolded part I used to see that so clearly with my son.
But lately even activities that he previously enjoyed he has no interest in. He has no motivation to do anything. If I finally convince him to do something, within 10 min he is in a meltdown because it's not working out perfectly. So most of the day is him crying that he's bored, fighting with siblings, or nagging for the tablet. And like op I give the tablet, but try to separate it from his behaviour. It doesn't always work though.
Charts and all that stuff doesn't work with him either, it becomes another thing for him to obsess over and then cry for hours when he doesn't achieve every tick or whatever.
So how do I motivate him to try, even if the results wont be perfect ?
(Sorry OP if I am hijacking)

It's hard for me to advise because I like to have a no or minimal devices/computer games policy with my kids. DH does give them his phone to play on, but if he's not home the default is no devices and they don't even think about it. It's more a problem that he'll get bored and bother the other kids. So then I need to find something to redirect him with.

It's interesting. My DS craves my attention and he'll do pretty much anything if he can do it alongside me. So "can you be my assistant while I do X" and then I have him bringing things to different rooms while I'm cleaning, etc. He doesn't have to be self directed to keep going, because I'm directing him, and he's rewarded with my attention.

I realize it's not always practical, and it's not something that even happens here all the time, but it can be a good healthy way to keep him occupied.

Actually, today DS is out shoveling snow Smile

he's very excited to rake it in and buy himself something with the money he earns.