Budgeting and saving as a newlywed

amother

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 6:18 pm

Hi, wondering if s/o can help me with budgeting Smile

Shana rishona and just had a baby. Still consider myself a newlywed!! Smile

Not supported financially by parents or in laws. My husband makes about $3200 a month and I make about 4000 as a therapist for the DOE(my salary fluctuates because I only get paid if I see my clients). My husband is going back to school soon for his HS diploma/GED and onto college... thats for the future though iyH.

We've had expenses since the baby came and as of now I am on maternity leave BH so my husbands salary is going towards rent (1500- lakewood), gas, car, insurance, food etc. Rent is due today but my husband owed the shul some $ from his maaser, and insurance was also due today. So my husband has 0$ in his account now. It really stresses me out when this happens. We have a savings account which we put our wedding money into and most of my paycheck. Were at about 18k now. We have the mindset that once it goes in the savings account, WE DONT TOUCH IT!!! its for the future etc. But since rent is due and dh has $0 in his account we have to tap into savings for rent this month. Is it likely that we will be able to put back the 1500 in savings once my dh gets paid? (at the end of the month). I hate that we live paycheck to paycheck now and have 0$ in his account..

Any experienced imas have advice of how we can budget better and save? We are in our mid 20's. I have friends looking at houses now and idk how!!! Is it bc they're supported?

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 6:28 pm

If you're only getting 1 paycheck now because you're on maternity leave and not getting paid, it's normal to dip into savings. As long as once you're both working normally you're making more than you're spending, you're in good shape.

Honestly, I think you guys are bringing in more than my husband and me and we're pregnant with our second and in the process of buying a house. You make it work.

amother

Apricot

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 6:33 pm

Wow you sound so responsible

You making more than us and I'm having my 4th, married 10 years

Yes of course it's normal- you had extra expenses for baby and another paycheck . Why were you assuming that you can suddenly comfortably live off one paycheck?

Also you wrote his bank account, don't you share?

amother

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 6:42 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

I dont feel so responsible. I feel guilty when I spend something for myself lol

Well I have my account from when I was single that is still under my dads overall account, my paycheck gets deposited there, then we have our wedding account that I transfer money to and then my husband has his account. It works for us. My dh likes that I have my own money so I dont feel guilty asking him for spending money and I feel independent

amother

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 6:44 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

That is a ton of money for a couple with a baby, for a place like Lakewood!
We were doing that money with 3 kids in Monsey. Also if you need Savings for rent, you should not be paying maaser.

I dont work in lakewood I drive into NY and we are only here temporarily
My husbands dayan is very into paying maaser and so is my husband but I will mention it to him again

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 7:48 pm

I don't think maaser is the place to cut.
OP, I very much relate to you. We were in a very similar income bracket when we had our first a couple years ago. It was so hard to suddenly start being so tight (childcare is a huge expense, diapers, formula, and even little socks and soaps all add up). It took us time to down scale our lifestyle, from stopping to go out to eat often, to shopping less etc.
A few years later husband stopped working to start his own business so he stopped earning wages and we invested our savings in that, just a few months before the second baby came around. That was a lot harder, but bh bh we are surviving and hopefully soon the business will start bringing in money.

Fave

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 7:54 pm

You should have a shared account, where both contribute a preset amount towards living expenses (leaving some disposable income on your own personal accounts if your prefer). When you are on maternity leave, whatever amount you don’t receive from Disability Insurance can be taken out from your Savings.

tigerwife

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 7:56 pm

Try to look through old credit card statements or start now and make a spreadsheet over 3 months (quarterly). Write down every expense, like rent, healthcare, groceries, dry goods, car, clothing, etcetera including a section for self care like manicures or ice coffees if you do that. Does your total expense per month match your income? You may be surprised at some of the amounts. Even just switching to a cheaper grocery that has better sales or buying diapers with target coupons can make a significant difference in savings.

Also, yes, your savings are there for the future and also in case of emergency like now, when you can’t work because of your maternity leave. You sound responsible and I’m sure you’ll do great!

amother

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:02 pm

Fave wrote:

Our shared account is the savings I thought? Most of my husbands paycheck gets put towards our expenses and I put most of my paycheck into the savings account

Disability isnt a lot I think im going to get like 170$ a week

amother

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:02 pm

tigerwife wrote:

so if we use our savings for the 1500$ of rent, do we replenish it when my husband gets paid in full at the end of the month?

amother

Lavender

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:14 pm

I think you're being unrealistic in the opposite way from most newlyweds. You make more than double what the typical Lakewood kollel couple makes, yet you're expecting to be able to put away most of your income and never dip into savings even though you're not making any money right now. How do you expect this to work? Even if you previously put ALL of your paycheck into savings, you now have the expenses of a baby, so that alone would require dipping into savings.

I suggest having an untouchable fund and a touchable fund. The touchable fund is for situations like this, where you temporarily aren't making money, or have sudden unexpected expenses such as major auto repair. It's all well and good to sock away as much as you can, but you still have to live now. It makes no sense to go into debt so that you can keep the entirety of your savings "kadosh laShem." That's being miserly, not responsible. Responsible budgeting means putting some aside for the future while still living a normal life.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:16 pm

I don't mean to be rude but it sounds like you're spending a lot. I'm probably in a similar stage as you and was never supported by my parents or in laws. Our budget is way way less than that and I don't live very cheaply.
Our total expenses per month add up to maybe $2500 a month. Bh we are putting a decent amount into savings. If you are making $3200 + $4000 take home pay that's 86k per year. Maybe start a budget to see where the money is going...

greenteaorange

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:20 pm

I would worry about replenishing whatever you took out of your savings whenever you go back to work and start making an income again. You can make a list of how much u took out of savings and put it back when you can (probably after you are back at work). If you worry about replenishing the savings account the moment he gets paid again your going to end up having to take out of the savings again..
I believe Most couples have joint savings accounts and checking accounts. My husband and my paychecks both go into our checking account and that’s how we pay our bills

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:21 pm

Sounds like you spend a lot. Your making very decent money. When I got married we made way way less than that. Dh made 40k and I made 20k)We also weren't supported and managed to buy a house 2 years later. ( Dh was also in debt that bh was taken care of)
I would look and see 2here your money is going. Its normal to dip into savings for big expenses if needed. Also I used to have my accounts set up lile you do but realized it was WAY easier to have a shred checking and savings. (I still have a small.dabibgs of my own and so does dh)

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:22 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Sounds like you spend a lot. Your making very decent money. When I got married we made way way less than that. Dh made 40k and I made 20k)We also weren't supported and managed to buy a house 2 years later. ( Dh was also in debt that bh was taken care of)
I would look and see where your money is going. Its normal to dip into savings for big expenses if needed. Also I used to have my accounts set up like you do but realized it was WAY easier to have a shared checking and savings. (I still have a small savings of my own and so does dh)

greenteaorange

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:28 pm

Also it’s def unusual for people married a year or less to be buying a house (even two years). It takes time to save up!! Those people are most likely getting help from their families so try not to stress about having enough for a house just yet!!

amother

Lemon

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:30 pm

A budget can be done in many ways and doesn't always need to be so strict (though there are times that is necessary). What I do is more of a savings goal. First I make a general budget - our income is x and monthly expenses (including planned larger expenses broken up into monthly amounts) is x - rent + utilities, childcare, insurances, health expenses, food + household supplies, misc expenses including extras you're not planning on cutting, yom tov expenses, clothing, vacation etc and then we see what amount we should be saving. We don't necessarily transfer it to a savings account each month and it sometimes is more of a yearly goal so some months more and some less but keeping that monthly amount in mind. Every few months and when life circumstances change we do a quick check if we're hitting that savings amount and if our overall spending and savings goals make sense. Also, if you're not getting your regular salary it definitely makes sense to dip into savings!

tigerwife

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 8:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

so if we use our savings for the 1500$ of rent, do we replenish it when my husband gets paid in full at the end of the month?

If you can pay yourself back, go for it. But don’t stress over it. You are earning less now only temporarily. It might be easier to put back into savings once you go back to work. And if you can only put part of the sum back, that’s ok, too. Long term it won’t matter what you put in when, only what the total is.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Feb 01 2021, 9:54 pm

greenteaorange wrote:

Some ppl get help and some do not. I feel it's important to buy before your kids are in school and you need to pay tuition. All my siblings bought within 4 years of marriage and most scrimped and saved before hand in order to be able to do it. I am sure some got more help than others. (I was given 15k towards a down payment by grandparents and parents but the rest was ours.)
I will add though that my family is heavily in the real estate and mortgage world. Some of my siblings bought but lived downstairs and rented their upstairs for a while to make it work.