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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
WWYD? son says Morah eats my snack
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 03 2021, 8:25 pm
Why would anyone think that the assistant is eating the child's leftovers? Kids' hands are so sticky, who would want the touched up leftovers from a child that is not their own? Something isn't right. And I've learned to trust what the innocent little ones say.
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 03 2021, 8:28 pm
I once sent cheese blintzes with my daughter for lunch. She said it was too much, and her morah likes cheese blintzes, so she gave it to her, and morah gave her some of her celery! I thought it was adorable. This was a young morah in daycamp. Probably like around 14
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Feb 03 2021, 9:12 pm
bsy wrote:
I once sent cheese blintzes with my daughter for lunch. She said it was too much, and her morah likes cheese blintzes, so she gave it to her, and morah gave her some of her celery! I thought it was adorable. This was a young morah in daycamp. Probably like around 14

That's very different..
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Wed, Feb 03 2021, 10:10 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote:
Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and hormonal, but your story made me tear up. I'm so sorry that happened.

Good luck sorting this out OP, I hope you are able to. If an adult is eating your child's snack, that is terrible!


Thanks so much. Your validation made me feel better Sunny Heart Hug
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 12:02 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It very well could be. I have no idea what actually happened and don't know how accurate my son is

Can you ask him if she ate all of it or just a few pieces?
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 2:58 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
This isn't as bad as the assistant stealing, but somehow this also feels wrong to me. And weird. When a parent gives a child his snack and then asks him to share, it guits him into sharing. It's not as if he could really say no to his parent. And if he does, he feels selfish. Why would a parent ask a child for his food?? The parent can go get his own food! Scratching Head

My kids feel free to say no. To us and to their siblings. We don't guilt.

And sometimes (usually) we didn't GIVE the snack, they brought it back in their bags. (When we give snacks, it's for everyone - not individual bags. A big bag and we give each person their own plate, or everyone takes from the big bag.)

It's okay to teach kids to share and it's also okay to give them control over when they share and who they share with.

I'm sure it's weird for some people that parents actually ask their kids and respect their autonomy. I don't mind people looking at me funny.
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amother
Wine


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 3:03 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Strongly disagree. Everyone has to share in my house. Even toddlers. I must be doing something right because all of my children are extremely generous and don’t think twice before sharing anything with anyone. Please don’t put toddlers sharing with parents in the same category as Morahs stealing a baby’s snack, which is just sick and abusive.

In our house, you don't HAVE to share, but -
* you can't share only with some siblings and not others
* if you don't want to share at all, you're not allowed to tease
* if it's causing conflict then you can either decide to share or decide to eat it in private (in your room or earlier/ later than you planned).

Those rules apply to siblings, not parents. If the kids don't want to share with us parents, that's fine.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 5:13 am
I am still imagining the situation of a 19 yo assistant asking Dovid to have two pieces. Either he is sharing because he wants to be nice and he has been taught to share even if he doesn’t want to or she might be guilting him in the way one might guilt a little brother into doing your bidding. Alternatively, she might be snatching a few when she opens the bag, thinking that he won’t notice (which he does) or that it is not a big deal as most is left and his tummy is little.

While it is not right, I feel like it is not a capital offense, just a girl who needs to be told in a way that she is not embarrassed.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 6:20 am
Maybe she said "mm bissli is such a yummy snack!" And he handed her a piece so she ate it. Who knows?
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 6:52 am
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

While it is not right, I feel like it is not a capital offense, just a girl who needs to be told in a way that she is not embarrassed.

She needs to be told in a way that ensures it doesn't happen again with this child or any other child, in this playgroup or any other playgroup she works in. If that can be accomplished without embarrassing her, great, that is better than accomplishing it in an embarrassing way. But if some embarrassment is inevitable, then it still needs to happen. The first priority must be correcting her behavior, not sparing her some awkwardness or embarrassment.

If OP has posted that a coworker is stealing OP's Bissli from the communal office cupboard, I would absolutely support bending over backwards ten different ways to be DLKZ and spare feelings at all costs. But here there is an adult and a child. The child's well being and the well-being of other children under this morah's care are much more important than the morah's feelings.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 7:15 am
I get a 12 year old day camp assistant taking some. She's a kid.
But a 19 year old assistant is hired on a more professional basis. And isn't a kid anymore.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 7:33 am
I never "forced" or guilted DD into sharing anything.

I didn't want her to develop hoarding issues, food insecurity, or other unhealthy patterns. I wanted her to understand good boundaries. Knowing what is yours, is how you learn that other things belong to other people, and that you cannot take them.

DD has grown up to be the most generous, kind, and caring person I know. Even as a small child I always had to be careful that she didn't give away her most expensive toys that she just got for her birthday. She genuinely enjoys watching other people be happy.

If someone comes to school without a lunch or snack, she'll be the first one to share. She is always careful to do it in a way that won't embarrass the other girl. "Oh darn, my mom gave me an apple again. Do you want it?"

She knows that B'H, she will have what she needs, and that some people do not have what they need. She's doing all of this from a place of security.

When a child feels like an adult can take something away from them for no reason (not like natural consequences), then it makes the child feel insecure. Even toddlers need to feel like their space, person, and belongings are respected.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 8:14 am
I can't understand for the life of me why a teacher wouldn't bring her own snack and lunch. It's just like any other job where you eat what you bring unless lunch is served for all.

OP, I would encourage you to call the teacher to find out what's going on. It doesn't automatically mean that she is guilty of what it seems to be.

Hatzlocha!!
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 9:28 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It very well could be. I have no idea what actually happened and don't know how accurate my son is


My kids always come back with leftovers.
Sometimes they even finish it when they get home.

Unless it's an opened yogurt or something else really messy, why would anything end up in the garbage?
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Gut




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 11:35 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
About 15 years ago I was an assistant in special ed classroom. One of the kids brought chocolate almost every day and one of the other assistants ate it every time!!! The kid was nebach non verbal and stared with huge eyes at the teacher eating her chocolate. That assistant also took school lunch from the kids & the kids had less lunch.

I have tears. It so mean. Why are such people in such position. They better should work with no humans.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 3:07 pm
Gosh, so much speculation...the right thing to do is to just call the teacher!

OP, Iv had soo many times my kids coming home with stories and tears, and drama and all it takes is a simple phone call to the teacher to set it right.
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lucky14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 04 2021, 7:24 pm
OP please some back and update us when you find anything out. I'm so curious!
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TravelHearter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 08 2021, 5:24 pm
OP any results?
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